• shalafi@lemmy.worldEnglish
    32·
    9 days ago

    Horror story:

    Shaved mine in prep for my first colonoscopy. I know, they see some nasty shit, don’t know why I cared. Took TWO bottles of the lemon flavored ass blaster juice.

    Ended up holding my ass cheeks apart and screaming at my ex-wife, “Get the neighbor! GET THE NEIGHBOR!” Said neighbor was a nurse but I was in such agony I couldn’t think of her name.

    Halfway down my ass cheeks, and all the way down from there, my flesh looked sandpapered, sunburned. Pain doesn’t make me cry, but my eyes were plenty blurry that night.

    And I still had to shit more lemon juice. Try not to think on this story.

      • IngeniousRocks (They/She) @lemmy.dbzer0.com
        7·
        8 days ago

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnesium_citrate

        In solution with water it tastes somewhere between the worlds worst flattest sprite and a sweet lemon.

        Edit: I’d marked Sodium Citrate, which is a similar compound but is used for different reasons. Sodium Citrate is an anti-coagulant. If you’ve ever donated blood plasma, its that weird sterile taste you get in the back of your neck when they feed the blood solids back in with saline. It is also used in nacho cheese.

          • ChexMax@lemmy.world
            9·
            8 days ago

            Can’t tell if you’re joking, but you have to. The doctor prescribes it, and it cleans everything out of your system. By the end, you’re just crapping out the lemon drink itself and you’re squeaky clean for the camera

          • IngeniousRocks (They/She) @lemmy.dbzer0.com
            1·
            8 days ago

            Your colon is like a road:

            Would you rather drive down a smooth, well maintained, Clean road or a muddy mess that’s never seen a cleanup crew?

            You don’t technically have to, but I think whoever is driving the colonoscope might refuse to work in those conditions.

            • Lyrl@lemmy.dbzer0.com
              4·
              8 days ago

              It’s not about the driver experience, it’s about the road inspection. If the patient has a pre-cancerous polyp the inspector sees, they will cut it out, problem averted. If the patient has a pre-cancerous polyp obscured by stool, it gets missed and then in a few years turns to cancer. And survival rates for colon cancer are depressingly low.

  • LoafedBurrito@lemmy.world
    17·
    8 days ago

    OP didn’t mention the AGONIZING itch you get from the skin rubbing. Make sure to use some powder or some shit. Also it grows back in a week and takes so much time.

    Just get a bidet.

  • BakedCookie@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    14·
    8 days ago

    Water people. Just fucking wash your ass, it’s hygienic and it feels nice too. Use a bidet, or just sit on the fucking bathroom sink (provided it’s installed on the floor, and not the wall). It’s amazing how poor ass hygine is for a nation that keeps going on about “eating ass”.

    • Psythik@lemmy.world
      2·
      8 days ago

      I will get a bidet the day they invent one that sprays soapy water. Washing your ass without soap is like washing your hands without soap.

      Washing your ass in the sink is unsanitary. I don’t need shit particles in my sink bowl. I much rather just hop in the shower after a shit and wash my ass with body wash after I’m done wiping. If you have a detachable showerhead, it’s easy to do so without getting your whole body wet.

  • PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca
    13·
    9 days ago

    Nair bikini on ur butthole. It will change ur life.

    Yall ever fucked with an aerodynamic anus before???

    • TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world
      3·
      9 days ago

      Nair feels like getting the shit chemically burned off. I’ll shave with cream and a blindfold before ever doing that again.

      I don’t care how silky the hole is. I would rather do gymist poses in the mirror.

      • PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca
        3·
        8 days ago

        I guess you’ve got really delicate skin :P I’ve definitely left the cream on longer than they suggest and I never got any irritation or chemical burns.

        The worst is a couple ingrown hairs that are irritated for the first few days.

        • TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world
          3·
          8 days ago

          Must.

          Ex used extra strength. Tried it then. My little pale ass felt like I got dunked in an acid vat.

          Errbody different. Glad it works for you and your silky holes lol

          • PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca
            1·
            8 days ago

            Ouch that sounds bad. I did have one time using a slightly different product and it burnt bad and I had to jump in the shower immediately to get it off haha.

            May your butt find freedom for its follicles.

    • dditty@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      2·
      8 days ago

      I’ve been doing this with “Veet gel cream hair remover - sensitive hair removal cream” for the past 6 months and it really is a game changer. No burning (and I’ve left it on longer than 10 minutes), wiping is almost always a one-and-done, BO is gone, it’s amazing, honestly.

  • thax@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    9·
    8 days ago

    To any Americans who are bidet curious or even enthusiasts, I’d highly recommend this wand style bidet: https://rinseworks.com/shop/aquaus-360-hand-held-bidet-sprayer-for-toilet/

    Personally, I find fancy features, like heat, to be superfluous. Seats or seat-mounted bidets are inevitably a pain in the ass to clean. This wand has a nice long hose. Not only can it clean your ass, but it can also help you to clean your bathroom. It should last a lifetime. And, of course, installation is a breeze not requiring electricity. If you are afraid of the cold, rest assured you will adapt. It will zap you awake.

    • CancerMancer@sh.itjust.works
      8·
      8 days ago

      If you are afraid of the cold

      I’m glad you mentioned this is for Americans because here in Canada calling the winter water “cold” is like saying the sun is “hot”. I can handle the cold water on my skin but shooting it directly at my butthole is not happening.

        • CancerMancer@sh.itjust.works
          1·
          8 days ago

          lmao you better not be poking someone’s ass when you do that, might lose a finger

          For the record bidets are pretty great though, but I went ahead and got a heated one because I am not a masochist.

    • usrtrv@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      2·
      8 days ago

      It might be overkill, but I’ll keep my overpriced bidet with heated water/seat. Cleaning is not that bad, I just do it the same time I clean the bowl.

    • BanMe@lemmy.world
      1·
      8 days ago

      Eh I got a $250 chinese seat model with a heated reservoir, heated seat, basically enema mode, child lock, self-clean, lights the bowl, 3 years now and it’s great. Cleaning really not that big of a deal, especially compared to someone accidentally spraying the handheld all over, kids playing with it, etc

    • DigitalNeighbor@lemmy.world
      1·
      8 days ago

      Great suggestion! I also am sold to bidets. I went to look at the link you posted, and they have a hilarious image of a 100k$ bathroom with their 80$ bidet there, just sticking out like a sore thumb XD.

      • thax@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        2·
        8 days ago

        Heh. I’ve used my fair share of fancy bidets. After using this sprayer, I far prefer its flexibility, utility, and power. The all-brass version is very well made, and the explicit ball valve mitigates the risk of damaging leakage. The promo video is pretty good too. While rare these days, sometimes, the less expensive option is in fact better quality and more functional.

        I do love how this topic invites such fervid replies.

  • Tattorack@lemmy.world
    6·
    8 days ago

    A bottle of water. Wash yourself back there. Yes, like properly with your hand, like what you do in the shower. A lot more hygienic.

    No, it’s not “disgusting” doing that. You go back there with toilet paper anyway. You think shit moisture doesn’t get on your hand when using toilet paper?