• HakunaHafada@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    11
    ·
    1 day ago

    Internalized homophobia is a hell of a thing to overcome. Some guys think those things are gay because that’s what they were told by figures of authority.

    Source: was raised as one of those guys.

      • Case@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        9 hours ago

        Ah yes, the leather daddy BDSM iconic gay “look” that these totally hetero men who go on long trips together to scenic areas without women, and with vibrations the whole way to excite the twig and berries, and a nice massage to relax the rear end.

        Bigger stretch than professional wrestling, but not much.

        God fearing, homosexual hating trailer park kids don’t realize that watching two oiled up men in spandex is… well, pretty fucking gay. Not meant to be disparaging, I just mean the only things missing are penetration and a money shot.

    • Reygle@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      6
      ·
      edit-2
      1 day ago

      I don’t know where I heard it but I think the sound of a Harley V-twin engine sounds a lot like a throaty man voice shouting

      BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER LOOK HOW GAY I’M NOT BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER

      On second thought I think I heard it from a canadian redneck madman on youtube. ZipTies&BiasPlies

    • ameancow@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      17
      ·
      1 day ago

      The problem is most average looking men, when bedecked in goth shit, look like Bluey got run over by a Spencer’s truck.

      The dude in everyone’s imagination wearing black makeup and jewelry looks like a strung-out rockstar with don’t-give-a-fuck vibes who lives for adventure and wild nights. The vast majority of ACTUAL men have the body-shape of a rectangle and have to spend most of every day waiting in lines, attending Zoom calls, explaining to customers why their wifi doesn’t work (Reset the router Ethel, no that’s not a router, you’re holding an egg steamer.)

      We gotta abandon the idea that people have “looks” at all times. Lets repopularize costume parties so guys get a chance to try to dress-up without it being some kind of shocking change to their entire persona. I had a stiff, straight-edge boss who attended a Halloween party and went goth. Completely unrecognizable, he was a legend.

      • Ifera@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        15 hours ago

        Back when I was a young, gay goth, one of my closest friends talked me into going out swapping wardrobes. He was(and still is) very handsome, but he is one of those preppy gay guys.

        I hate the fact that our Polaroids of that night got lost. It was such fun, and although I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror, it felt amazing, being a different version of myself for a night. And he felt so free, not having to worry about his hair and looks for the night, wearing comfortable, scuffed to hell boots, instead of his traditional suede shoes.

      • AlteredEgo@lemmy.ml
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        19 hours ago

        Lets repopularize costume parties so guys get a chance to try to dress-up

        Yeah but isn’t that what women do when “going out”? Makup and clothes that create a different look and style?. Maybe call it “persona”, like “my social persona is male harajuku” (lol)

        • ameancow@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          2
          ·
          10 hours ago

          Yeah but isn’t that what women do when “going out”?

          Yah but it still doesn’t give men in particular the pass to experiment, to try new identities or personal expressions. I may be mistaken, but I think this was the origin of the “fancy dress party” before Halloween co-opted the idea and made it so trying out a new a “fancy outfit” is now dressing up in cheap plastic masks of stereotypes.

  • pH3ra@lemmy.ml
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    51
    ·
    2 days ago

    Of course girl with a goth profile picture and spiders in her name thinks goth style is hot.
    In the meanwhile my bald head and nike sweatpants attract eastern european girls like a lamp with moths. You catch what you fish for.

  • rottingleaf@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    9
    ·
    1 day ago

    I mean, it maybe wasn’t gay, but was definitely a reference to something hellish, depraved, opposed to common morality, weak, like that.

    Because back then it clearly meant protest against authority, against hierarchy, against stereotypic masculinity, against war, against evil covered by normalcy.

    In some sense it’s an intentional show of vulnerability, that look.

    And I’d take that over Kipelov in Russia every day, that moron who doesn’t fucking understand what rock music is.

  • toofpic@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    89
    ·
    2 days ago

    I had a goth friend who would always get laid without much trouble. At some point he got a normal job and had to “become a normie”, and I learned that it wasn’t because he was a goth, it was because he was a complete asshole with women, and some women, for some reason, can’t resist assholes.

    • JackbyDev@programming.dev
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      34
      ·
      2 days ago

      When you say things like “some women can’t resist assholes” it sounds like red pill rhetoric. A better way to say it might be like “some assholes prey on women’s insecurities”. Keep the focus on the person who is the problem, not the victims.

      • Jax@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        32
        ·
        edit-2
        2 days ago

        When you say things like “some assholes prey on women’s insecurities” it’s incredibly condescending, especially when you consider that women can also be assholes.

        Like begets like. I’ve known too many couples where both of the people in the relationship are trash.

      • abbotsbury@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        25
        ·
        2 days ago

        A better way to say it might be like “some assholes prey on women’s insecurities”. Keep the focus on the person who is the problem, not the victims.

        idk I think that’s needlessly condescending to women, not all of them dating assholes are victims, some just like assholes because they like asshole behavior because they’re also an asshole.

      • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        edit-2
        1 day ago

        How about:

        Many men, and women, and every other kind of human, often mistake confidence and decisiveness … for competence, reliability, trustworthiness, responsibility.

        This is by no means totally specific to a sex or gender, it applies broadly, in all kinds of social situations, business relationships, etc, between all kinds of genders and sexes.

        This innappropriate or overweighted heuristic tendency also tends to lessen with age, as people gain first hand experience and knowledge that this heruistic, this intuition, this assumption… is actually often not accurate.

        Anybody with decent charisma, which a huge component of is an above average, but not overwhelming level of outwardly displayed confidence, stands a better chance at convincing most people of basically anything, intentionally or unintentionally.

        Lots of overly confident people bulldoze into a situation, legitimately believing they were well equipped to handle it in an ethical way, only later to realize… oh, I am in way over my head, I fucked up.

        Lots of overly confident people also just know they are full of shit, and intentionally bulldoze through, and then either gaslight about how they did nothing wrong, or just fucking vanish.

        This again works beyond just interpersonal romantic relationships:

        For every bonafide grifter con artist (crypto for dudes, cosmetics MLMs for gals), there is a well intentioned new boss or manager who basically accidentally fucks up the entire department out of inexperience and hubris…

        And both of those are often aided by their natural, above average levels of confidence and charisma.

        • JackbyDev@programming.dev
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          3
          ·
          1 day ago

          I’m fine saying “many people prey on other people’s insecurities.” I am not “making this about gender.” I was mirroring the genders I was replying to.

          • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            2
            ·
            1 day ago

            But you mirrored both the genders and the way responsibility flows.

            Some men and women are assholes who prey on the inexperienced, some men and women are naturally more confident than most, and give others a false impression, mostly or entirely unintentionally.

            You don’t seem to accept that some people can accidentally lead people on without actually trying to do that, that one person’s obvious flirting can be another person’s just trying to be friendly, that one person can never explicitly say that ‘this is a committed, serious relationship’, and another person can hear that anyway.

            • JackbyDev@programming.dev
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              1
              ·
              1 day ago

              If you think I’m mirroring everything the other person said, why are you criticizing my words instead of theirs?

      • toofpic@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        11
        ·
        2 days ago

        I keep the focus where I want, that doesn’t change the asshole-victim situation, and I won’t save anyone if I change the wording.

        • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          5
          ·
          1 day ago

          Also, young people often are bad at determining how impressive someone is so they go off the social cues of just believing that they’re acting genuinely in line with their status. This means someone moderately attractive treating 21 year olds like they’re just barely worth their time can often get anything from sex to unpaid overtime if they sell it well and are indiscriminately fishing.

          Most people grow out of it, but some don’t. Then there’s also that the pool isn’t a representative sample of the population. The mature and discriminate are easy to miss (they filter heavily), more likely to leave low investment pools like tinder because the effort/value proposition is bad, and when they leave because of relationships will take longer to return to the pool. It’s not that all the good ones are taken, its that most of the bad ones are looking.

        • blarghly@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          22
          ·
          2 days ago

          I’ve known many women who were very nice and intelligent, who dated assholes. Usually they end the relationship thinking “ugh, why did I do that? That guy was such an asshole.”

          They do this because women are human, and do the very human thing of making mistakes and regretting them.

          • HalfSalesman@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            4
            ·
            edit-2
            1 day ago

            They do this because [even nice and intelligent] women are human horny, and do the very human horny thing of making mistakes and regretting them.

            Bad/terrible people can be hot. In fact, often when people are hot they feel more free to be their natural asshole selves because they can get away with it more. This applies to both men and women in all directions.

            In fact, some people want their partner to be mean to them, its more often hetero women who like that. If a guy can be mean and get away with it, that implies they’re hot shit, extremely confident, rich, and/or powerful. Those are attractive features in a guy.

            There are also hetero men who want women to be mean to them, especially in the bedroom.

            • blarghly@lemmy.world
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              2
              ·
              1 day ago

              I can find no fault with anything you just said. Except maybe that having a thing for being abused spans all genders and sexual identities.

        • OhVenus_Baby@lemmy.ml
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          12
          ·
          2 days ago

          Damn I need to power off. I’m like how does anyone write in their BIOS? I’m pretty sure it’s just settings. 😅

            • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              1
              ·
              1 day ago

              Perhaps ironically, this is pretentious enough to convince me that you may indeed be an asshole.

              Task failed successfully?

                • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
                  link
                  fedilink
                  English
                  arrow-up
                  1
                  ·
                  edit-2
                  1 day ago

                  Deeply communicating that you are an asshole, by continuing to be pretentious?

                  By showing that you are actually confident that being consistently pretentious is a good way to showcase this, despite claiming you have no confidence?

                  By disproving that your asshole status is self-evident, by showcasing that it actually requires a sustained interaction to demonstrate this?

                  I dunno, I’ve been around a lot of assholes, constantly contradicting themselves in ‘clever’ ways is pretty bog standard behavior.

      • mojofrododojo@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        2 days ago

        implies confidence.

        nope. it implies a craven amount of insecurity.

        it says something though that so many people assume this, it’s certainly not just you.

        • blarghly@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          11
          ·
          2 days ago

          Whatever. It gives off the impression of confidence. We’re trying to explain observed phenomena here, not cast moral judgements.

        • toofpic@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          3
          ·
          edit-2
          2 days ago

          In my case, you’re wrong, the guy is like a tank, insecurity is not the case. I see some people trying to “dig deeper”:

          • “maybe the women have insecurities, so it is them who are to blame”
          • “maybe the asshole is not an asshole, he just has a childhood trauma”
            No, he is a confident asshole, and his “charm” works one some women (and not each of them falls into made-up categories). People look for patterns too much. “I’m a red-piller” - lol, that’s a first.
            Note, I’m not protecting the guy, but he is not a comic-book villain with an origin story. He just happens to be successful in finding one-night stands because of a personal trait.
            Edit: forgotten line breaks
          • mojofrododojo@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            3
            ·
            edit-2
            2 days ago

            the guy is like a tank

            a lot of people who over-invest on physical attributes have serious insecurities.

            I hold to my premise. it in no way discredits him being an asshole in his coping with these issues.

            • toofpic@lemmy.world
              link
              fedilink
              arrow-up
              2
              ·
              2 days ago

              Not strong like a tank, I meant by attitude. Ok, you invent whatever person you want in your head.

  • Damaskox@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    8
    ·
    1 day ago

    I go with black socks, black sandals, black cargo pants and black turtleneck all year around.

    Well, I’ll change for combat boots when the snow comes.

    • ameancow@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      edit-2
      1 day ago

      Opposites often attract wildly.

      A lot of really “standard” guys who dress in polos and jeans will look at a girl in a black leather schoolgirl outfit and see mystery, sexual freedom, experimentation, and all the dangers that mother warned you about. It represents an escape from social chains and it’s not just a sexual kink, but it can really feel nice to imagine having someone who challenges your preconceived notions or gets you “out of your shell” because a lot of men have no idea how to do that and fantasize about meeting someone who drags them by the arm through life to get them to enjoy things they’d be afraid to try on their own.

      Speaking as a man who’s partner has filled this role for many, many years.