Telling people what you want for your birthday feels weird though.
It feels like either we should be close enough that you can think about my hobbies, interests, and life and come up with something that fits, or we’re not close and you get me something fun and generic and it’s nice because I didn’t expect anything from you.
But the middle ground of being like 'its your birthday and I’m willing to spend an amount of money that I won’t really notice on you, but put in no mental effort whatsoever and in fact ask you to put in the mental effort of thinking of an appropriate gift" feels less like gift giving and more like making someone else do all the work so you can check a box.
You might think you know what they want and be totally wrong.
Asking never hurts. They can give you a list of options or say “whatever”, but you don’t have to be a baby about it.
If they say whatever, it just means they’re letting you know you don’t have to stress about it, but you should still make a genuine effort to get something they might want.
You might think you know what they want and be totally wrong.
I’d rather see someone put in thought and effort and be wrong, then ask me to put in thought and effort and be right.
Asking never hurts. They can give you a list of options or say “whatever”, but you don’t have to be a baby about it.
You’re literally putting all the gift giving work on them by asking them to think of a gift that they might like, that someone else isn’t likely to get them, and that would be in an appropriate price range for you.
If it’s a one-off like ‘hey, I’m really racking my brain this year and struggling coming up with a gift for you, got any ideas I can use as a jumping off point?’ then it’s one thing, if you’re doing it for everyone, every year, then you’re just throwing money at relationships, trying to give gifts without actually putting in the thought or effort that counts.
Well not everyone thinks like you
Everyone gets defensive when they feel criticized though.
You keep feeling superior, I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing
So you admit I did hit a nerve? And this is about how you feel about your own gift giving habits? Because I’m not feeling superior, but you seem to think less of yourself now if you’re putting me up there.
If that is what you want to take from my comment, go ahead
Begin Rant:
I have found that any ‘weird feeling’ I have that effectively causes more useless and unnecessary things to be purchased is almost certainly been ingrained in our culture by some ancient and effective advertisement campaign. Giving cash is tacky, giving gift cards shows you care more; They should be able to guess what I want for a gift; Wedding Registers; Anniversary Gift Tiers (year of Paper?); Etc.
I don’t even bother checking anymore when I encounter something like that - I just try to recognize it when some POS has mind fucked me by having previously brainwashed one of my ancestors and try to restore sane thought.
Any unease and obligation can be replaced with the certainty that Cash is always welcome and useful, at least for now. That said, if you have some true knowledge, or genuine interesting and an attainable plan then by all means act decisively.
:End Rant
Personally, the more interested in something I am, the harder it will be to get me a related gift I’ll be happy about. I’ve probably already got the more obvious stuff, and decent versions of them that I put a lot of thought into selecting.
That’s why I personally try to avoid interests and give gifts that are generally useful but less obvious. Things that people might have on a mental “that would be nice to have but I can’t be bothered right now” list.
A great gift giving philosophy, because it also requires thought and intention.
I have people in my life I care about deeply, yet I never know what gifts to get anyone. Not everyone thinks the same way as everyone else.
And how much time do you actually spend sitting down and brain storming and trying to think through each gift? Or does the obligation just come up in passing and you immediately go, ‘huh don’t know what they want, I’ll just ask them’, and stop trying?
I forget who it was, but a public figure once said that birthdays are horrible because it allows people you thought you were close to to demonstrate how little they really know you
Ya I hate it when people tell me what they want for their birthday or whatever.
Because if I had already been planning on getting it I’m like “GOD DAMNIT now they’ll think I only got it because they told me to and not because I know exactly what they wanted and was listening to them in the conversation we had about it 3 months ago!”
I also hate gift cards, because you might as well just give cash which can at least be used to pay the bills if need be instead of forcing them to buy something they don’t really need.
Part of it for me is, for the amount of money I’d feel is appropriate for a gift, I can and usually just buy those things for myself. If not, it’s probably not something I’m really that interested in.
My SO gets people gifts he would want, things he’s interested in at the time. I stopped looking forward to gifting a long time ago, I put a lot of thought into his, but now it’s like, how about we each buy a pair of shoes we like for our birthdays.
That’s a really nice ladel, though.
Dunno, I would rather a wooden spoon.
Sometimes there simply isn’t a good substitute for a wooden spoon.
If I’ve got marinara in the pot, you keep those plastic and metal utensils away.
Spurtles are where it’s at.
Was about to say. Looks like a silicon ladle with plastic handle. Just like my favourite ladle. Excellent for getting every last drop out of the pan, handles heat up to 250°C and is dishwasher safe!
These types are less than €10
Slight misunderstanding when she said, “I want the receipt with the gift.”
fuck yeah, ladle. i think most people need a new ladle.
edit:spelling
A while back, I got one of those ladles that separates out the theoretically undesirable fat/oil from soup. We don’t consume a lot of soup, but have occasionally had the opportunity to appreciate the ladle. I’d recommend one, but probably wouldn’t give it as a gift.
edit: At least not a special occasion gift.
I’d be mad if i got a plastic cooking utensil
But would you answer “Whatever lol” to someone trying to be nice to you ?
Hopefully not.
Honestly, I’d be completely happy with that.
I lived in Daytona years ago. One day I noticed a new store had appeared in a strip mall near my house: they sold nothing but Super-Whippers, plastic whisks that sold for $1. They had two display racks in the window, one with white Super-Whippers and one with black. They were never open and there was a hand-written piece of paper taped to the door that said “sorry, we’re closed. If you want a Super-Whipper, the nail salon next door has some.” The store was less than a thousand feet from three dollar stores and a Publix, all of which sold plastic whisks.
I thought I had never seen a more pathetic example of a money laundry, but perhaps Daytona is just filled with really cheap husbands.
Classic money washing. I bet someone is paying exorbitant rent in cash and then happens to also own a company that is a vendor doing work at the strip mall, contracted to work on the same shop doing nothing.
It’s weird how they never text each other before or after that exchange.
laminiert
If it’s a decent ladle, I’d consider that an awesome present XD
So the gifter decided their friend needed more microplastics in their life
After 36 years of marriage, it do be that way.
Many people just stop giving each other gifts at some point
l will never give in!
Bringing the receipts works for most situations… not this one.
