The appropriate reaction would be to ban them for being fucking fascists, not for some incidental crime they happened to commit.

I’m a school bus driver and I have one total moron of a coworker who thinks we should all carry guns to protect the buses. He specifically wants to have his AR15 with him, with its magical 40-round mags like that would make the slightest fucking difference after somebody starts off their assault by blasting the driver’s seat. I’ve been pretending I agree with him and encouraging him to suggest this to our (very liberal) school board - since he’s above me on the seniority list.

But it snowed this winter! Once!

I’m a school bus driver and I have a coworker who is an avid climate-change denier. Here is an example of how stupid she is: she needed to borrow my bus for a run and I had it chocked. Since the chock was wedged solid under my front wheel, she decided she needed to use the crowbar to get it loose and tore the fuck out of it (and my front tire) in the process. It never occurred to her to start the bus and back up to free the chock.

She also 1) hates immigrants because they’re unvaccinated and “spread disease”, and 2) is anti-vax. I could never make this shit up in a million years. If you have children, consider that a lot of the people driving them to and from school are exactly this fucking stupid.

Admit it but say it isn’t a big deal, but also deny that it ever happened. Let your followers pick whichever version they prefer. Profit!

I just wanna lose my gut

The most critical part of losing weight is counting the calories of what you eat, so you know exactly what you have to do to lose the weight. One pound of body fat is equivalent to 3500 calories, so if you can manage to eat at a 500-calories-per-day deficit you will lose one pound per week (most people lose scale weight at a faster rate than this when they first start dieting, but this is water weight loss and won’t be maintained in the long term).

Will drinking less alcohol and fewer sweet treats put you into a 500 calorie daily deficit? There’s no way to know unless you start recording the calories of everything you eat on a daily basis.

I’m a programmer. In 2010 I had a boss come up to me and tell me we should start using APIs. He had just read an article about how APIs were the next big thing. Fortunately he had a short attention span and soon wandered off and never mentioned APIs again, and I was able to get back to work on the awesome Blackberry app I was writing.