My favourite theory of the rapture
It already happened … no one noticed because no one was taken up.
Isn’t the rapture supposed to be like… the first step of the apocalypse? Cause I’m lookin around at the state of things right now and uh…
Yup, the skull fucking imps will be a part of the first wave of demons. Should get used to wearing helmets now to protect your skull.
How can I make my skussy more appealing to the imps?
Don’t wear a hat and keep your ears clean.
Also known as the skussy
Hell yeah it is
卄乇ㄥㄥ ㄚ乇卂卄
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Or so few people were taken up that it just amounted to a few missing person’s cases
It’s all the missing prostitutes from around the world, which is either heartwarming or horrifying depending on your level of trust in theoretical God.
Apparently this person https://vger.to/piefed.world/post/496315
I got raptured but forgot I left the oven on so I came back and now they won’t let me back in.
(in a booming voice from the sky)
“Sorry, the bus already left and I didn’t have enough money to pay for a second trip. Try again next rapture.”
Just leave me behind. Thinking about it someone needs to do a pro rapture movie where all the people left behind live in peace now that god has taken them all away. Can you imagine the shit that would get thrown around by these dipshits if that movie hit the net?
I missed something were we supposed to be raptured today?
Not you.
Fuck… I had it in my calendar for next Tuesday
On the plus side, you can feed my cat now.
I will abduction your cat
His name is Bitey. He’s very sweet but don’t get your face too close.
I wanted extra facial piercings
I wish… Would probably solve the American fascism problem overnight when all the Christians vanish
There is some wild pastor (from south Africa?) who “dreamt that jesus is coming. Soon.” Apparently it’s tomorrow to thursday. And then there is some sort of tribulation for 3.5 or 7 years or whatever.
There is going to be lots of people “disappearing” during those two days, according to all this bullshit.
I can’t wait 🥱😴
Occurring over a couple of days? Guess that finally answers my question on whether the rapture would happen planet-wide all at once, or go by time zones.
The real rapture will be over in a few hours once all of the bombs have gone off.
Thank you! I was genuinely curious what happened
I got raptured but I was hung up on my bedsheets and just floated in the bedroom for 20 minutes. I guess I’ll have to catch the next one.
Ah that sucks! I got halfway up and my beam started sputtering, letting me go a little, and struggling to pull me up again. An angel flew down to warn me there could only be one person per beam due to weight constraints and realized it was just me.
They slowly lowered me back down, stuttering the whole way. Dropped me the last 5ft, than I heard a booming voice from the sky say “No fatties”.
It sucks that the beams were calibrated for the average human body weight 2000 years ago. Apparently they weren’t kidding when they made gluttony a sin.
I don’t think I w
Skipped over again. Thank god.
I’m at work, so I probably got sent to hell
Turns out a lot of them were in Gaza, they left behind more than their clothes however maybe we can reconcile this with a metempsychosis model of rapture ?
Can we circle back and reschedule the rapture for next week? Carrie is on vacation and we need her input.
I was very disappointed at the gym this morning when I realized I didn’t have it all to myself.
Me.
…
I got better.
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