(Source: TikTok video)
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To all the people telling OP they’re wrong, you don’t fly enough. The issue isn’t evenly distributed. It’s not like cars in traffic or whatever.
Airlines put the expensive seats in the front. The people who can afford them are usually much older, either traveling retirees or very late career white collar workers who have significant status. They’re the first ones holding up everyone because they take forever to find all the assorted shit (personal item, oversized roller bag, neck pillow, laptop, ipad, lost earbud, etc) they’ve stuck all over the place, which the gate agent/FAs wouldn’t admonish them for because of their aforementioned status. But they’re first class, so the peasants behind them can wait in the bread line.
After they get off (on watching you glare), depending on airline, it’s the fraction of people who are old and not rich, or don’t fly often and aren’t used to all the ritual. They’ll have placed their bag in an overhead that’s 12 rows behind them and demand everyone stop and crowd surf it up or else they’ll just sit there blocking the line.
After them come the young vacation families, you know, the ones who had the screaming baby for the last 6 hours. They couldn’t be bothered to pay for seat selection to save money so one parent is with one kid three rows ahead but needs to coral the kids behind them because the other parent was playing on a Nintendo switch for the whole flight and didn’t try to organize all the kids toys, now lost to entropy, and so the marital spat and bawling (louder now) children begin.
Then there’s you. You fly a lot so you have nothing more than two pairs of underwear and a toothbrush, all safely hidden from the TSA in your prison wallet and ready to go without so much as a nanosecond of notice, along with your phone and airpods to combat the screaming child in front of you. You got 31B, way in the back, after trying to game united’s seat assignment system by checking in only after all but the exit row seats were taken, but someone missed their flight and here you are.
Generally the legacy airlines will have the most old people, but the vast majority of people on them are very used to flying, because they know better than to book a budget airline. It’ll be slow yet ordered.
The budget airlines like united and frontier will be the opposite, lots of young spry 20 somethings, but lots of vacation families that couldn’t afford Delta… I won’t sugar coat it, it’s gonna be a shit storm. The FAs have been contractually required to keep everyone at the very edge of their sanity through the enforcement of a variety of draconian company policies (like turning on all the lights half way through a redeye to scream about some credit card offer), so things are primed for chaos. Lots of shoving and yelling. Everyone’s reviewing the Wikipedia “list of crimes of passion” to see if this qualifies.
Then there’s spirit. Half the people on the flight will be coming down off of something they got on the dark web by the time you arrive at the gate. You’ve already seen at least a liter of blood spilled from various fist fights. Everyone was already up and crushing each other in the aisle long before the captain even briefed the approach. The FAs have locked themselves in the lavs by now and the captain (an FFDO) has barricaded the flight deck with charts and duct tape and is aiming his questionably modded P320 at he door. Welcome to the new season of Hunger Games - Spam Can. You’re on your own, good luck and good hunting.
that was beautiful
you should write a book
One other thing is that the people should allow other people who are already ready to walk out pass them before standing and taking out their carry-on. Most times I’ve seen all passanger wait for each row taking out their carry-ons sequentially instead of 10 taking them out at the same time. If everyone would be me with a carry-on it’d take around 5-10m since I only take the aisle when I’m ready to leave and/or there is another person taking out their carry-on in front or behind me.
So the correct way to do it is for people like you to skip the line? People who get up and move forward make me want to go postal. They exude “fuck everyone” energy and they think the fact that I stayed seated a few extra seconds is their invitation to skip line. Fuck that.
It’s not skipping the line, it’s waiting longer until there’s a time where you don’t hold it up and allow others to pass.
I am so confused by this thread and this comment might take the cake. It just feels like we’re all speaking different languages and none of them have anything to do with the original post. People are slow was the point. But the whole thread is people changing the subject in ways that make me say “… what ?”. Did I accidentally ingest hard drugs this morning or what?
What fucking line? What are you queueing for? Is there a Bruno Mars concert at the other end of the jetway or something?
If I’m ready to get off the plane and there’s room for me to leave me seat, I’m getting off the plane. I’m not waiting to consult with you to make sure it’s “my turn” to enter the fucking airport.
So you’re one of the selfish dickheads. Cool.
The selfish dickheads are the ones who get their panties in a wad when people get off the plane before them
You undoubtedly also skip lines at counters because you’re special
Waiting in line to purchase something is entirely different from exiting a plane and I’m disappointed that I have to point that out to you.
Where’s Chapter 2? 🤓
I just don’t (entirely) agree about vacation families. Just like the airlines made their bad with paid checked luggage causing more cabin luggage, they did the same with paid seating. Most families wouldn’t care where they sit - so long as they’re together.
I male sure we always sit together, but for some, additional 200-500 USD/EUR for the whole trip is significant and may account for a good portion of the holiday budget.
Now one may say that then they shouldn’t fly, but why? Again - airlines made this problem.
Take it from somebody who flies a lot:
Theorycrafting about the best way to load/unload a plane is pointless.
Bring a bottle of water on your plane. Bring some headphones and make sure they are charged. Make sure if halfway through the flight you even feel a little like you need to pee, do it in flight.
When the plane lands keep your headphones popped in, and chill out until you’re off the plane.
The main reason I like a window seat is because it means I don’t have anyone freaking out beside me that I haven’t stood up as soon as the plane stops rolling. I’m just gonna sit here and read thanks.
When I travel solo, it’s with one shoulder bag I usually just shove under my seat, don’t even need the overhead. I’m instantly ready, but everyone is in my waaaay.
I’ve noticed more and more people taking sooo much stuff with them on board too. Like they think they are pioneers and need a covered wagons worth of provisions to weather the trip from ATL to LAX.
I suppose some of that can be blamed on the airlines for steep baggage fees but holy crap do people try and take way too much junk with them everywhere they go. So they all take 10 min to unpack.
it’s with one shoulder bag I usually just shove under my seat,
That isn’t an option for those afflicted with long legs.
taps head
I would simply have a comically short torso
Same. But usually I opt to sit at the back. Sometimes I get a seat to myself and if not, one of the rows is reserved for medical and always free, so they let me have that. Then on landing, it’s just a matter of laying back and catching up on my phone as the cattle crams itself into awful positions and just stands there staring at their comfy seats. But if the rear door is open, I’m straight off.
If you can’t be first, you want to be last. This is the golden rule of embarking/disemmbarking an aircraft.
Seeing the crowd of people squeeze off the Airplane like a tube of toothpaste only to all congregate around baggage claim is the same energy as passing aggressively on the street only for you to pull up next to them at the redlight.
This ignores:
- People with only a carry on.
- People with tight connecting flights they need to get to.
I want the safety announcement at the start of the flight to say:
“You are in a flying metal coffin. Now imagine this coffin filling with smoke and fire. This plane only passes safety regulations because we simulated unboarding it with everyone behaving perfectly, leaving all of their crap behind. In an emergency, you MUST leave your stuff behind. Your life depends on it. The lives of everyone around you depend on it. If you see someone trying to take stuff with them, you MUST use whatever level of force is necessary to stop them. Even lethal force is justified. You must be prepared to tear someone to pieces if they don’t leave their stuff behind. The lives of you and your family depend on the asshole in front of you letting their laptop burn.”
That’s the kind of boarding announcement I want to hear!
There’s an effect I see in situations like this where the people in a big hurried rush end up being slow asses because apparently they don’t care about this working efficiently, they just care about when they can stop waiting.
On a plane these are the people who leap out of their seat and block your row, only to start searching for their bag once it’s their turn to get off the plane.
I see the same from drivers at red lights. If there are multiple lanes waiting to go, and one car has to inch forward every 5 seconds even though they are already way past the line, then in my very limited anecdotal experience there’s like a 90% chance when the light turns green they just sit there for a few seconds after I start going.
When I’m dictator, impatience will be abolished and punishable by fine or imprisonment.
You have my vote but only if you promise extra special treatment for the people who stand shoulder to shoulder right up against the baggage claim conveyor at the airport. And the ones who rush into full elevators trying to unload.
The amount of overlap in those two groups will probably save your Patience Police a bunch of time and resources.
Swift execution for those mentioned!!
This is the same line of thinking as, “if everyone drove like me, there’d be no traffic,” (a phrase used exclusively by terrible drivers).
If everyone drove like me there’d be no traffic. As I only pick up the car like once a month.
No. It turns out driving and grabbing a bag while walking are actually very different activities.
It’s the same attitude. People who disregard traffic laws to drive faster think everyone is causing the problem, without thinking about how their driving affects everyone else. The guy who gets up and grabs his bag first doesn’t think about the 5 other people in the row who have to wait to get their bag, or that there are 50 rows of people that are all trying to do the same thing.
I use that phrase all the time and I’m not a terrible driver. In fact, I rarely drive at all. I work from home and live in a walkable area. So yeah, literally if everyone drove like me, there would be less traffic.
Fair enough. Most people mean, “If everyone drove 85 in the 55, ignored safe following distances, and didn’t waste time signaling and checking their blind spots, there would be no traffic.” Those people are not correct.
Project much?
At the risk of sounding boomer despite not being boomer, have others noted a decline in basic decency with deplaning? In the past maybe two years or so even I’ve never seen so many people from the back of the plane rush ahead into the aisle blocking people in front of them from getting out and disrupting the hell out of the standard row by row front to back organized way to get off a plane. Last. Flight I took when I got into the tunnel some lunatic behind me tried to trample me, stepped on the heel of my shoe and ripped my shoe off. Not even a “sorry” Modern air travel is the epitome of enshitification.
It shouldn’t at all be a surprise, since Covid, reports of “air rage incidents” spiked about 1000% and then remained elevated ever since.
People are no longer able to be in enclosed spaces with each other because everyone is paranoid of everyone else, mental problems don’t get treatment, they get communities of supporters, and every American has a custom algorithm that feeds them specific, atomizing perspectives of a world we once all shared. Even basic decency is out the window because we are abandoning any sense of community with our fellow citizens.
I mean, imo we should all collectively decide to deboard from in to out, not row by row. Makes way more sense, since two columns can stand up and grab their bags from the overhead, then two whole columns just walk off the plane. As it is, literally the whole plane is blocked from exiting by every single row as they stand there struggling to get their bags free.
If you have a kid with you, or some other circumstance like that, sure, take them with you. But for everyone else deplaning by column makes a ton more sense.
Sounds great. They could just turn the lights on one column at at time as a signaling strategy. Of course it doesn’t solve the God forsaken cursed chaos that is baggage in an overhead further back than one’s seat. That is like a three body level type of conundrum.
If that happens, you just wait in your row until the plane is empty.
Ah yes, collective decision making, so easy, especially with strangers.
I know, I know, it’s a pipe dream. Doesn’t stop me from fantisizing each time I’m on a plane.
From my experience, rushing the front of a plane during deplaning is common in Asia. I noticed it the most in Thailand, China, and India, but I’ve admittedly only had a few travels there. I’ve asked a few Asian natives about this trend, and the general consensus so far seems to be that, especially for China and India, there is a sense of “everyone for themselves” due to the sheer population density in many areas. If you don’t push forward, you won’t make it onto a crowded train.
I have seen much less of this in Europe and North America, except for the occasional eager individuals or small group. In those cases, I haven’t noticed any perceivable pattern in ethnicity. If I had to pick out a trait that comes to mind, I most often notice it in younger men. It could be confirmation bias, though.
I just assume that deplaning is not happening until people 2 rows ahead stand up to grab their carryons. Everything before that is part of the flight experience.
Zero stress.
Yes it’s insane. I was on a flight recently, we got in 15 minutes early and the flight attendant came over the PA asking to let people with tight connections off first. I was bewildered, we’re 15 minutes early, just deplane like normal. I didn’t have a connection, but I do have things in my life I need to attend to.
just say you have a connection?
But over all it’s good if people hate flying since we are not supposed to fly anyway. Yay!
I can’t remember a time in the last 30 years where things were different. People have always sucked.
I saw someone itt say that it speeds up deplaning for them to rush to the front like you’re saying.
It likely does. The chaotic bumrush wouldn’t be permitted by the airlines if it didn’t work. The sense of panic in promotes is probably good for deplaning averages. Like so many things that are good for corporations, it’s very damn unpleasant for customers.
No, it doesn’t speed up deplaning for some asshole to block me from getting my bag down and make me have to wait until later because they think they’re special. It’s a line and they’re skipping it.
Are you making assumptions or do you have stats on this?
If you did you would’ve shared them.
I’m betting on the money. If you think the airlines haven’t looked at whether it would be more expedient and therefore profitable to organize deplaning or leave things to animal instincts you are underestimating their greed.
Dude why do you think the airlines are in a hurry? Lol
Everything they do is slow and behind schedule. They do not care, they already have your money. It doesn’t save them anything to deboard a couple minutes faster.
Edit: I could probably list several things they could do to for sure save time but they don’t do because again, they already have your money
I fly several times a year and haven’t really noticed that? I usually sit towards the back anyways though.
You aren’t in traffic. You are traffic.
Just stop flying altogether, we’re in the middle of a worsening climate crisis. We can’t afford ourselves to fly anymore.
Indeed
https://www.yesmagazine.org/issue/life-after-oil/2016/02/11/how-far-can-we-get-without-flying
Hour for hour, there’s no better way to warm the planet than to fly in a plane.
They really need to load back to front, then unload front to back, if it was organized it would go so much better. Like announce when each group can stand and get bags and when each can leave.
But how can they sell priority boarding then? Just think for one minute about the poor airline companies! /s
Airlines: “Wait, but I thought if you unload front to back you get a UTI”
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I have kids now so some of this applies less but!
I totally agree with you. I don’t usually have a checked bag when it’s just me, so there’s no waiting around the baggage claim to look forward to. I DO NOT stop to pull my overhead bag. I’ve either got it under my seat, already pulled it from the overhead, or I fuckin eyeball that thing like there’s about to be a missile intercept (because there is) and I grab and pull while I walk. Once I leave my seat there is no pause. In the same way, if I’m inside on the window, I’m watching for space and when middle seat moves I follow. None of this “oh shit I forgot the light turned green”.
Even now with kids we are only slightly slower than that. I have to let the gremlins (who you probably didn’t know were on the plane because they’ve been hyper entertained out of their fuckin minds) be line leader to walk off the plane and I need enough time to stand up and get the bags off the seat behind me onto my body to urban pack mule that shit out of here.
What I’m NOT doing is texting my boyfriend oblivious to the cues being presented to me, smashing through the line because I’m an inconsiderate fuckwit, or standing up when it’s my turn and gazing into the overheads like I’m lost in the Arby’s menu. Stage your shit and get the fuck off the plane without stopping, then walk like you got some place to be or move to the side. No big deal.
More importantly than any of that though, I’ve got this really weird superpower where I can listen to what the fuck the FAs say. If someone needs to get off the plane first, I can stay seated and wait for them to haul ass off the plane. Or at least I would, except it’s always like a herd of cattle with no awareness instantly reacting to the sound of the seatbelt light turning off no matter what.
I honestly think most people are twice as slow as me, and it adds up so fast. I am always so ready to get off the plane but it seems like most people aren’t for some reason? They must enjoy the cramped farttube experience much more than I do. I’ve often just spent hours with some asshole rubbing up against my elbow and I’m ready to gtfo.
I’m the exact opposite. I get annoyed when everyone springs up at the same time, as if rushing into the aisle will get them off the plane faster. Last time I flew, I had an aisle seat. I stayed seated while everyone lined up in the aisle. Meanwhile, the asshole in the window seat sprang up, and looked at me expectantly.
I had to be like “uhh bro the aisle is already full. Where do you expect me to go? Sit your happy ass back down and wait for the line to start moving.” Even worse, I knew his bag was behind us, so he’d have to push everyone in the aisle backwards in order to get to it. No, you can fucking sit there and wait your turn, like you were taught in kindergarten.
Its a tricky game to play.
For you, if you know it will take you 3s to go from sitting comfortably to walking down the aisle, then fine - you can wait.
Most people need time to get organised. They’re also unable to focus on getting organised unless they’re standing up because that is one step in getting organised. They have no ability to prioritise the steps which are presently actionable.
as if rushing into the aisle will get them off the plane faster
No, as if it’s more comfortable to stand after sitting for hours on end. Also, being ready to move with your bag would undoubtedly help.
Why stress yourself like that? 😆
Just wait in your seat a few minutes longer, you even have an internet connection now. And the best part is, you then don’t have to walk together with that crowd, and then your baggage is probably also already on the belt when you’re there to pick it up.
This is my hell.
Humans are the literal worst.
