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Aside from a lot of guys being thickheaded and not seeing it, there’s also selection bias.
A) A girl has a crush on a guy. He notices but plays it safe. Maybe she’s just friendly. Result: no harm done except perpetuating the myth that guys don’t notice.
B) A girl is just friendly but the guy thinks he’s being crushed on and acts on it. Now he’s forever labeled as a creep.
The only safe play as a guy is always, always assuming she’s just being friendly. Unless she comes right out and says she wants to hump your bones, just assume she’s being nice to you.
Thanks for lining it out so well.
There’s a good shot that she’s into me, but if she’s not, I’ll either die of embarrassment or I’ll get bullied by their whole social circle.
Add to this that men usually are not as socially comfortable as women, and you kinda understand it why this happens.
This happens to women too. The embarrasement is real and the societal pressure to not be seen as a slut is everpresent. Playing it safe is a popular strategy no matter the gender.
Oh yeah most definitely.
I just wrote this because these memes are rampant and funny, but they do make light of a bad circumstance on our society. And that trope usually targets men, so here’s some context.
It’s 2026. Are people still that puritanical that they care about somebody else’s sexual activity?
The places I’ve lived in the last 15 years have been extremely sex positive, which was a slight shift in mindsets from where I grew up, which was slowly coming this way.
Is there a sudden resurgence in this behavior? Is it part of the man-o-sphere bullshit?
yes. most people are incredibly puritanical. including ‘sex positive’ people. most self-proclaimed ‘sex positive’ people i knew are the ones who judged people the most for their sexual habits. anytime i have hung out with sex positive people i have been shamed by them for being a slut, or being a prude. i’m a man and i’ve had women reject me for my partner count many times for being too much or too little.
it’s not a resurgence, it’s always been there. it will always be there. people don’t like people who are different than them. it makes feel feel bad and insecure and they blame you for it rather than question their own feelings.
i’m a man and i’ve had women reject me for my partner count many times for being too much or too little.
Is it TMI for them to even be asking that?! Unless you mean a few dates in or something maybe
No, it’s just your typical double standard shit. If I asked the that, I’d be an asshole sexist pig. If they asked me that, they are just trying to figure out if I am a womanizer or ‘inexperienced’. When they do it it’s a ‘good thing’, when I do it, it’s ‘bad’.
And nobody is ever happy with the answer unless your number is basically the same as theirs. If your number is significantly different, than you are ‘judging them’. Because what they are really asking, on a deeper level, is you to validate them and their life choices.
It’s not any different with money either. You have to answer them with the number in their head they have pre-determined is ‘correct’ or you are not worthy of them, or you are going to steal/abuse them. This is regardless of their own financial status. I make a great salary and am happy with money. But I meet women who think I am going to to steal their money and force them to pay all my bills if I make like 10K less than they do, which is a trivial amount to both of us. But this ‘fear’ is almost always a projection of her desire to be the person who steals the money and has their bills paid for them, or some deep belief that any man who can’t pay her bills for her is not a ‘real man’. I meet so many women I am at the same financial level as who tell me I am too poor to date them… it’s just hilarious to me at this point. They basically have to come up with a conspiracy theory to justify their greed that a man must make 2-3x their income to be ‘good’. And in my dating bracket, that means a guy has to make like 500K salary, which is a top .5% salary. Hence the refrain ‘there are no good men’. All the men who are moderate successful making 100-200K are ‘losers’ who are just going to financial use and abuse her, or something.
It’s always good to play it safe unless evidence is so overwhelming that she’s into you. This has cost me some romantic opportunities but has also kept me from being the guy who dates all his female friends.
We typically have no idea unless explicitly told, no.
Even then, maybe she’s just nice. Or canadian
I knew a nice Canadian that had a crush on me once. I still messed it up.
A lot of the time we do know, but we’re terrified of getting it wrong and getting rejected and maybe worse.
after being rejected 100 times in a row for “ew gross i don’t associate disabled people” when after a couple dates i let them see me take a blood pressure pill (hadn’t even let them see any of my massive collection of scars except my arm and face, which i can’t exactly hide without michael jacksoning) you kind of just start making fairly accurate assumptions about the women in your society
men are discouraged from approaching women and women dont want to show their interest in clear way. How have we not gone extinct yet?
This makes me think of a conversation between my wife and daughter a while back.
Daughter is angry with her BF and frustrated that he seems oblivious to that
Wife: “Oh honey, no. It doesn’t work like that. If I’m mad at your dad for something I just have to tell him. If he asks if I’m OK and I say, ‘I’m fine’, he takes that at face value. He’s very literal.”
Daughter: “Ugh. Doesn’t that frustrate you?”
Wife: “It was weird at first but once you get used to it it’s actually really nice. You just have to learn to talk to him.”
Me: “Wait, I did something right?”
Wife: “You do lots of things right babe.”
Yeah, I think she likes me.
Yeah communication is key. Even if you are too literal at least you are clear and not obscuring your thoughts.
I was at some fast food joint with a buddy and his girlfriend, and after ordering my friend’s girlfriend told me the cashier was so flirting with me.
Me and my friend: What? She was? How so?
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I’m sorry but this is not what makes me laugh. I think this is what is broken in the relationships. I mean why women has to be the passive role every single time? It’s like im not ugly, and actually when I talk with them It goes well. My critic is why I have to start every single fckng time?
Uh… have you been around for the last thirty or so years? Apparently accosting women is harassment these days, so it’s less hassle to wait for women to do the first step, I guess.
Wow. You just made me realize accosting has a completely different definition than I thought for the past 25 years. God damn it that’s upsetting.
You made me check and apparently it’s a bit more aggressive in English than in French. Now I’m curious what you thought it meant.
I basically thought it was a synonym for “assaulted.” Which is like explicitly violent. Like I was WAY off. Which is rare for me, I had like 750/800 on my SAT verbal. 99/100 on my NYS English Regents exams. That’s so embarrassing to me.
Now I have to algorithmically sift though the memories of my life to see if I’m relying on that definition for any important logical frameworks that my autistic brain uses to do my thinking.
Why are women even taught/expected to behave like sneaky spies when it comes to romance? “Ok, time to do my personal hair signal that I’m interested and want him to approach”
Being clear about your desire also means that rejection is clear, and that hurts.
When women can’t communicate and frustrate themselves.
I have dated women who expect me to read their minds and think if I am not Professor X I don’t care about them.
One breakup the reason was “I shouldn’t have to ask you for anything, you should already know what I want before I want it. That is what love is!”
Then I asked her if she does that for me and she made a face and said “No, you’re a man you don’t deserve that.”
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