As a wise person once said…
If I have both earbuds in, don’t talk to me.
If I have one earbud in, don’t talk to me.
If I have neither in, don’t talk to me.
Story time! This isn’t here to say that dudes have it worse or just as bad or anything. It just made me think of this.
I have a good friend who wears wired earbuds often. He gets in a space where he doesn’t want to talk to anyone but he got to be out for one reason or other. I’ve watched person after person come up to him to talk. He rolls his eyes, takes out an earbud, make a huge show of pausing whatever he’s listening to while holding up the “Wait a second” finger. They’ll say whatever they’re trying to open with and he will nod and give the biggest fake smile. Then put his earbud back in. To continue the conversation they have to tap him again and wait for him to do it all over again. Some do, sometimes repeatedly.
Some people seem to have no concept that others aren’t just waiting for the chance to talk to them.
This whole thread is weird to me because being approached in public by people wanting to talk almost never happens. Not that I’m complaining exactly, it’s confusing and concerning when it does, but it’s hard to imagine it as such a normal thing that it has become a commonplace annoyance.
This seems dependant on location to me. In a region I lived before it would be rare that someone would talk to me in public like at the store, now where I’m at it happens all the time, people seem much more social in general. I used to be sort of confused when it did happen, now I’m used to it and it feels like a nice human moment when it does usually.
Human moment
I don’t know what it is. I used to get approached semi-regularly, maybe once every few weeks when I was younger. But this dude, for whatever reason, was approached often. I think part of it is the places he was a lot of times. We’d be out at the bar (he would lend music/PA equipment to bands or small bars for a small fee and show up to basically drink for free) and there was one night I watched it happen half a dozen times. Not by the people who were borrowing equipment, but just random people who he didn’t know.
He said it never happened at like the grocery store or whatever, but very often in bars when he’d sit alone, less often in restaurants when he’d sit alone, and occasionally at the park when he’d go sit to read (headphones in). He’s good looking but not extraordinarily so and never looked especially friendly so that wasn’t it. It was both men and women, men more often but women more persistently.
Some folks just have something that makes others want to talk to them I guess. I imagine it’s worse for women for a few reasons (the way certain demographics of dudes are socialized, not knowing how a guy will react when you shut him down, etc). And some folks seem to believe that everyone is just waiting for them to strike up a conversation, even if the person they’re trying to strike it up with is obviously actively avoiding people.
It stopped happening to me. I’m not sure if I aged poorly over the pandemic or if I just look meaner these days. He moved away so I don’t get to watch that particular trainwreck anymore. I’ll have to ask him.
Next time you talk to him, suggest that he pick up some of those over the ear noise cancelling headphones. You don’t even have to have them turned on, but the size of them makes taking them off such a visible hassle that it seems to discourage a lot of those kinds of people. And the rest you can ignore and pretend that you couldn’t hear them because you had the noise cancelling on.
I already sent him one message this week!
Seriously though, this whole thing has me curious about the current state of things so I shot him a message asking about it. I’ll pass it along if he still needs the advice.
No this seems like some made up scenario. Complete bullshit, if you will. But, go off.
Does he usually walk up to random people on the street who aren’t wearing headphones to try start conversations? 😬
Judging by replies to that thread… yes, quite a bit. One woman described how she had to wear ear protection after ear surgery and a guy removed that to talk to her from behind. She was in pain for 2 days afterwards.
Edit: my personal experience is I had 2 different guys tap on my shoulder and ask me to remove my earbuds by gesturing. Both times they were trying to pick me up. I was just on the way home from work, exhausted and also heavily married.
Oh my god, that’s awful
H…How can someone come even close to think it is a smart move to stand behind someone, invading personal space (at minimum with their arm), grabbing and taking away ones belongings aka the headphones and then expecting that person will be happy to have a nice chat with you which results in a date?
Some people really are just that stupid I guess.
Cavemen like that only understand a wack on the head, and even then they think the woman is into them.
Because they think they’re hot shit and have an ego the size of Jupiter. In their mind, they’re the catch and someone would have to be a (insert slur) to turn down such a gracious offer from the world’s most attractive “alpha male”.
What is lightly married?
It’s a thinner batter - think tempura rather than chipshop fish (or corndog if you’re of the USian persuasion).
You guys put corndog batter on fish???
No, it’s not as thick as that, but it’s thicker than tempura batter.
lol, maybe engaged? So like wearing just the engagement ring instead of both rings?
Soo… Just regular engaged?
But with a chance
I think it was jus a joke…
Idk I’ve known married couples that preferred to live far apart or other married couples who were casual partners but needed marital benefits
One woman described how she had to wear ear protection after ear surgery and a guy removed that to talk to her from behind. She was in pain for 2 days afterwards.
Sounds like she suffered consequences while the man who harmed her suffered no consequences.
We should be able to easily call police and sue for damages in such situations.
Someone… touched what some stranger is wearing to remove it… and it wasn’t an emergency???
What the fuck is wrong with people
entitlement. women are objects for men to interact with and men are owed their attention when they want it. you have ear protection? well that interferes with me seeking female attention, so off it goes. that’s the mindset we’re dealing with.
The guy is not “so close to getting it.” He just appears that way because we don’t have the same bias he has. He’s actually quite far from getting it and he probably won’t even believe the truth when people explain it to him.
If he was close to getting it, he’d have gotten it already.
I wear headphones because it keeps the ADHD demons at bay. Also, not really interested in conversations with random people on the street. Just a polite wave or nod.
Only animals get verbal acknowledgment.
All you got to do is wave your hands in front of face and ask if they are using aptx HD, AAC, or some other codec. It’s an easy conversation starter.
Is there even a point in continuing to talk if they are not using LDAC?
Maybe not. Let them down easy and go on your way.
Is it? I work in tech and I would have not a single fucking clue…
Well then we’re not going to pick you up on the street!
Took me a second to get that this was a dude missing the point. It seems so obvious I struggled to recognize how someone could be so blatantly unaware
Waiter! My steak is too juicy and my lobster too buttery!
My wallet’s too small for my fifties and my diamond shoes are too tight!
Hes not “so close to getting it” he completely understands the bait hes setting out.
Meanwhile, the dirty looks I get when I’m on a bike ride and I startle nearly every woman I pass because she couldn’t hear me say “on your left”
Only the women, though?
Maybe they’re just embarrassed about how much faster than them you are?
I hate it so much when I put in headphones so I can power through something like doing the dishes without distraction only to have someone come in and start talking at me. It’s like, there are so many other times when I’m available. Can you not do it when it’s going to make something I don’t particularly enjoy doing take so much longer?!
https://youtube.com/shorts/4bpL14Z9RKE
The only guys who are going to approach you are the guys with no boundaries. Which is going to feed the confirmation bias.
“Women are so unreasonable! Amirite, guise??”
The only guys who are going to approach you are the guys with no boundaries. Which is going to feed the confirmation bias.
What confirmation bias? The confirmation bias of this straw woman you have here?
If the only men who approach you are people who don’t respect boundaries, then every man you meet has similar traits, and then it’s easy to think all men your problem when it’s not. Just because you’re easily lost in conversation doesn’t make everything a strawman. It’s not a magic incantation that makes you look smart.
What do you think the solution to that problem is?
Oh that’s a great question, I have no idea. I’m just watching the divide happen and am glad my partner and I found each other. I’m sure it’s not good for the fabric of society though. It’s like we’re moving further and further into isolation tendencies.
I guess the easiest solution would be the return of “handkerchief dropping” or some equivalent thing.
Pretty obvious, really, outlaw women using any kind of headphone or earbuds, or just electronic devices in general. It’s pretty sad that in this day and age that even needs pointing out.
First read I thought he meant that a lady might be blocking the path in the mall. Which happens too many times.
nathitheoblivousasshole
I disagree that’s the point. The point is generally to distract oneself or to keep focus. Neither of these two reasons preclude the willingness to stumble into s.o. actually worthwhile.
Whether earphones are supposed to serve as a sign to keep away depends on the culture and gender. In the States, for instance, people are way more often stopped by s.b. on the street than in Europe. The idea that s.b. would try to sell s.th. or preach to you on your path almost every day is very foreign to most Europeans.
Who’s sb?
I think I have cracked their completely unnecessary code
s.o. Someone s.b. Somebody s.th. Something
I hate it. I hate all of it.
Oh, I thought s.o was Significant Other, i.e. a partner, and my reaction was “Yeah, the chances of that happening are practically zero”.
I don’t know but my brain wants it to be “some bastard”
Starbuck wouldn’t try to sell swamp thing!
