if you believe the only reason your partner isn’t cheating is that you’d find out via location share; what the fuck is the point?
There’s always gps spoofing via debug mode too. So it’s not like sharing gps is even reliable
If you have to use these things in a relationship, then you already have a problem.
This is the correct take.
Immature crap like this makes me very grateful to be a grownup married to a grownup.
If you can’t trust your spouse without location, tracking, find another spouse.
No they need therapy not another spouse. They shouldn’t have a spouse at all until they’ve fixed their own insecurities.
My wife and I have location sharing enabled in case something happens to one of us. We usually don’t use it, but its good to have when we need to meet up at an unfamiliar place after something goes sideways for one of us.
But if your SO doesn’t trust you enough to allow you private moments and would accuse you of cheating, your relationship isn’t based on trust and thus is very weak.
My girlfriend and I share our locations mainly for convenience and safety. It’s nice to know that she’s 3 tram stops away from home so I can start cooking dinner for example. She’s also terrible at responding to texts and calls though lol
Yeah I know many who just use it as a practical tool in the day to day.
Even know friend groups who use it between themselves (they all live close together)
SnapMap is also very popular, obv less accurate but nice to see who is in town
Same with my wife. I even have it set up for my mother, so I know she’s safe. I don’t understand what the big deal is, as you say it’s a safety and convenience feature, it doesn’t mean you spend the day looking at the app to see where the other person is.
It’s not something I would do in a casual or new relationship, but if I’m with somebody for years, I value their safety over my (perceived) privacy.
And for the people who think this would prevent or bust cheating: lol. They can just turn it off and complain of bad reception, or leave their phone in their car, while they “shop at the mall”. Or just get a second phone. This app is not a substitute for trust
Regarding tech privacy: it’s not like other apps on your phone are not already tracking, I doubt anybody has their GPS constantly turned off. They already know your location, this one feature doesn’t make a difference.
For one, it wrecks your battery life.
Secondly, everyone I know my age keeps GPS off unless using a mapping program.
Finally regarding app privacy, people do care about that which is why grapheneos and other privacy focused OS’s exist.
The fact that you don’t care about privacy and want the government and corporations to have every sext you’ve ever received or sent doesn’t mean that others don’t care as well.
She could text you, no? It seems like getting her to be better at that is better than opening the can of worms involved with location sharing. For example, here’s some bad stuff that could happen:
- phone sells that data to advertisers
- gov’t gets that info and you trigger an alarm (maybe you went hiking a little too close to a sensitive area)
- data breach happens and now crooks know when you’re not home
- SO’s creepy friend sees your location and is secretly stalking you
Etc. Those probably aren’t super likely, but being able to avoid it all entirely with a little better communication sounds a lot better.
Sometimes it’s worth it, like you’re going hiking alone or going to a bad part of town.
Yes, clearly the solution is to make her change her behavior. Needing your SO to change themselves is definitely a sign of a healthy relationship.
In a committed relationship, each side should be open to small changes.
So we have two camps.
-
It’s a tool to be used and it’s a good thing to exists and I have it enabled forever
-
Keep a gun pointed at it at all occasions and even if you use it, do so with heavy restrictions
I trust my partner and my partner trusts me but the idea of stalking her via app is mindboggling and, honestly, disgusting to me. Like a dog on a leash, always observed, always controlled. That’s some mind disease shit going on. Trust your partner dammit. Ya all have issues.
On the other hand though being violently agaisnt it cuz “oh my god privacy” is also funny. The recipent is your partner. Setting it up for some specific use case shouldn’t be a bother. It can be extremely usefull for example for grabbing shit in a mall - if you are not interested in going to the same shop, enable it, split, get what you need, join back, disable it.
What I am getting at is - it’s a tool, but an invasive and overly controlling one. Use it how you wish but do not perceive having it on constantly as normal. It literally sounds disgusting.
Edit: For people talking about privacy - we’re on lemmy. We all know how tracking works. An even if you have localisation off, your device will connect to local wifi and smart appliances to log your location anyway. So I am not really invested into discusing overall practice of having location on - only on sharing saud location.
My wife and I have our location shared with each other 24/7. Furthermore, my sister also has mine and my wife has her sister’s. It has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with safety. Perhaps the real trust is not assuming your partner will use your location to control you.
For me, privacy is safety. The thing im most worried about is the government snatching me up in the night.
Yay, threat profiles!
Well, seems that having a trusted party with your location would help with that, fellow inhabitant of a fascist regime.
Please !ever get within fifty feet of anyone doijg anything you think is remotely spicy, for your safety and theirs.
Now I’m just confused.
You’re a danger to yourself and those around you. And it doesn’t seem malevolent, which is scarier.
Being tracked is control enough for me. But I do understand it in dangerous situations, returning through forest at night etc.
I don’t see it as being tracked, though. I trust my wife (and my sister) to not be checking it 24/7.
The specified recipient is your partner.
But that data gets created, so it’s vulnerable. Commercial aps on your phone, sketchy apps youve never heard of like facebook, google services, and potentially something from your carrier, plus the government in mosy cases, will have access, phone home, record it.
Then it gets transmitted to your partner somebody('s code) does this. Even if it’s e2ee, you need a program to do that, abd the general rule with phone apps is that your data is being sold.
Then it gets to your partners phone, where it is again vulnerable to third parties their apps etc.
-
Me and my partner share locations. Never once have we done this. It’s purely a logistical thing. 10x faster to check someone’s location when you’re supposed to meet them instead of testing them “wya”.
Same. For this to be a problem, you must first have other problems.
How old are you guys, if you don’t mind me asking? It seems that generally younger people don’t see this as an innate violation of privacy, where older people feel quite surveilled and even like they’re being viewed as untrustworthy for someone to ask this of them.
I’ve never cheated on my spouse (not even close), I’ve never felt any inclination to lie about my whereabouts. I can see the safety aspect of this, logically. I would feel offended if my spouse asked me to be a dot on his phone, as if he was asking to own me. We share a home, a child, a bank account, a car, but we don’t share location. I don’t even keep my location activated for my own use unless I’m actively navigating somewhere new.
We’ve got plenty of “normal” problems, but none of them lead me to want his location. I simply trust him enough. It feels to me like if you need your partners location on tap, you must first have other problems
I’m 37 and share my location with my wife. We have kids. It is an efficiency thing that we use to help decide when to begin dinner, who’s grabbing the kids, etc. The whole idea of trust issues is just very high school to me.
I have my mom’s location. She lives alone. She works in the city. Sometimes I like to just be sure she got home but don’t need to bother her about it, or I’m at work late and can’t be making phone calls.
Folks with privacy concerns, I guess I accept that. But if you think the only thing stopping the government from snatching you is your location services being off, you’re sorely mistaken.
I’d rather not disclose my age on this account, but, let’s just say we’re not newly married.
I will admit my statement about location sharing only being a problem if you’ve already got problems was a bit too binary. The issue is more nuanced.
I see you’re focusing on the cheating aspect, which to your credit is what the OP is all about. But from our perspective, that’s not even an issue or a use case for the technology. We have full trust in each other. The technology is simply useful for other reasons.
Did she make it to work in the snowstorm or rainstorm?
Huh she’s usually home by now, is she unconscious in a ditch or just stopped at the store?
Dinner is almost ready, I just need to put this in the oven so it’s ready to come out the second she walks in the door, let me make sure she’s actually on her way home. Oh, she must have gotten held up at work, I’ll wait a few more minutes.
Stuff like that. Yeah there’s other ways of solving those problems, and that’s fine too, we just prefer the convenience.
We don’t share locations because we don’t trust each other, we share because it’s convenient. I guess you could say we trust each other not to go crazy with it 🤷♂️
We have married friends who won’t share with each other, and that’s fine too.
I’ll retract my earlier statement. Location sharing is a sensitive subject, with lots of facets. Sharing or not is a personal choice. And while there can be practical benefits, I think most people would agree that using it for cheating prevention is… Unhealthy.
I’m 40 and have done this with partners.
But also, they and I have an open relationship. If they found me in the bed of another, the reaction would an excited inquiry of if I had fun.
I don’t mind my girlfriend knowing where I am because I’m not cheating on her. The only time it gets a bit weird is if me and my mates are doing something a bit stupid, one time we went to one of those trampoline centres at like 10:00 p.m. because they were having an adult night. We pushed to get massively over excited about trampolines and I ended up getting questioned about it in the morning. But hey she definitely knew I wasn’t cheating on her there she just thought I was being weird
Yeah, exactly. So great to be able to say, oh, she’s about 15 minutes away, so I’ll start making dinner. Much easier and safer than texting while driving, too.
We originally set it up so she could make sure I wasn’t laying in a ditch somewhere from a cycling crash.
Same. I don’t even recall setting it up until I stumbled on it one day and could track my wife. I pulled a few pranks until I revealed my hand but we’ve never turned it off. There’s nothing malicious about it and we’re both happy to keep it on.
It’s also really great when someone is driving to pick you up. You can see how far out they are, and be ready when they arrive.
If your partner cant trust you not to cheat then work on your relasionship or end it. Dont do this shit.
My wife always has my location. I regularly go out for hours on my motorcycle and I’ll tell her I’m going for a hour ride and get lost in the woods for 3. Years ago I had to call her to pick me up after a truck decided to go left in front of me and shattered my arm into 4 pieces. Caller her from the hospital bed high as fuck on morphine. She has my location so if I stop responding for hours she can make sure I didn’t wind up in a medical center LOL.
That is entirely different than suspecting you of cheating every moment she doesn’t have eyes on you.
Sure, then maybe enable it before those rides and disable afterward, and send her a text when you’d like her to keep an eye on it.
Keeping it on all the time has tons of potential privacy-related problems since phones a aren’t perfect.
Meh. My location sharing makes no difference to who I DONT want to see my location, your always being watched if u have a smart phone anyways 🤷 turning it on and off is too much effort to be bothered, I got nothing to hide from her.
Vile.
I trust my wife, and she trusts me. We trust each other not to ask for stupid brain-poisoning shit that humans weren’t meant to have access to that could one day blow up horribly.
I don’t have her passwords, she doesn’t have mine. Our phones are locked. I could technically see what she’s doing online I suppose via traffic snooping in the router logs but the day I feel the urge to do something like that is the day I kill myself for having abandoned basic moral principles.
We’re apes, we have brains built for avoiding snakes in tall grass and finding water and berries. You poison yourself with surveillance, you feed your worst and most destructive impulses. Practice keeping secrets, practice being okay with not knowing. Trust isn’t surveillance, trust is knowing that if something fucking mattered you’d be told.
edit: I want my wife to be able to break my heart because if she does she’ll have a good reason for doing so. That is what trust is.
It’s only vile when you project insecurities or bad intent…
We both know each other’s passwords for everything. We use a shared database for it. We both know each other’s phone, unlock codes and often through laziness will just use each other’s phones for shit. We shared the same bank accounts, we don’t have separate money. We share the same vehicles…etc
What’s mine is hers, what’s hers is mine. Except literally.
We also both have each other’s location. What do we use this for? Essentially nothing except when one of us is traveling, or someone is feeling neurotic/worried. The peace of mind knowing that your significant other didn’t just die in a car crash part way to their destination and are still making progress is significant.
We don’t hide things from each other, we’ve explicitly built a relationship of openness and trust, brought on by us actually_not_ trusting each other for a long time. We are completely transparent, and you know what this has helped build? Trust. Know what it has torn down? Insecurities. It’s been great.
Would recommend.
The peace of mind knowing that your significant other didn’t just die in a car crash part way to their destination and are still making progress is significant.
Bless you but the moment I start being afraid of my partner dying everytime they leave the house will be the moment I’m getting back in touch with my psychologist.
Never went to work in a snowstorm? Or heavy rain?
I’m not OP, but my wife and I share locations, it’s endlessly convenient for coordinating. Never abused.
You’re kind of putting words in my mouth here.
I didn’t say that I’m afraid of him dying every time they leave the house, you said that.
I’m afraid of them dying when they’re traveling 20 hours. Or over a mountain pass. Or various other reasons. They travel a lot and I get worried that’s just how it is.
When calculating travel costs, I also dug up some statistics and figured what the chance of crashing, injury and death were based on how much driving we do on an annual basis based on national averages.
I actually thought knowing that would make me less stressed about all the travel but it didn’t help because the numbers are kind of depressing.
These same people who are suggesting you live in fear of your partner dying are also afraid their partner might find their porn collection. It’s staggering. To describe location or password sharing as “vile” just puts into perspective the kind of people you’re talking to.
I knowy wife’s phone password, must have trust issues. Or we go on car rides and her phone is connected and the kids want me to put a song on. Should we pull over so she can unlock her phone? Vile.
Too many folks think it’s to keep tabs on people, because that’s presumably how they’d use it, they’d sit there and watch it.
FR. It’s just projection.
Your sanguine naïveté is enviable.
You were so untrusting you had to go to those lengths to make it so there is no way to lie to each other and you say that’s a good thing?
Therapy would be better for you than a panopticon.
What if your partner wants to run away from you? Do you not trust that they would have a good reason?
You’re literally inventing scenarios.
I’m in the same place as you with my spouse, but we didn’t start with not trusting each other. I just never worry about my spouse knowing things about me—I cannot imagine what I wouldn’t tell her anyway.
My spouse has (multiple) physical journals lying around the house. I would never read them—she doesn’t worry about hiding them.
I hope you wouldn’t invade her privacy, but I have no problem popping into my wife’s Gmail (I’ll ask her first), because some camp or school only sent something to her related to our kids that needs to be addressed. And there could be ten emails there from dudes names I don’t know and I wouldn’t care because I trust my wife implicitly. I would let her do exactly the same, I don’t keep my shit on lockdown because I’m worried she’ll see my Google search history.
Uhhh, I trust her which is precisely why she has my passwords. Are you guys teenagers or something?
Also, location sharing is literally a form of communication. What if there’s an emergency?
Yes we’re teenagers. We’ve been married 15 years, ceremony was when we were three.
Privacy is important, have you never kept a diary? Do you film therapy sessions lest your partner not know what you discussed? Shit with the door open? You don’t need justification for wanting privacy, you need privacy so when you have a good reason for it nothing looks different.
What if there’s an emergency?
What if there is? Get help, that’s an insane fear to live with. If I am unconscious there’s nothing to do anyway, the hospital or whatever will find her details in my purse and call. What the fuck am I going to do, sit there watching the dot on the map and calling 000 if it stops moving? You are a lunatic, we have society to take care of us while we’re out and about and emergency beacons if you’re like camping beyond the black stump or sailing the Pacific.
If there’s an emergency it will be known regardless. Levels of paranoia that are not justified; how many emergencies have you been in where an Internet connected device is so important in the shortest amount of time? Or at all. No. You might need a phone. But not an app in particular.
And for long term emergencies an fm/am radio is a better tool than the Internet.
I imagine this form of abuse is done by sociopaths that convinced their traumatised partners this is actually a good thing.
All the people in this thread that they do it for years and it’s normal? Sociopaths.
My wife has done courses on warning signs for abusive relationships as part of some mental health first aid certification stuff.
2 biiiiiig red flags are insisting on surveillance and not letting people have separate finances. We have a combined account sure, and also pocket money accounts and whatever else. For all I know she’s set up a trust. I mean I don’t think she has because she’d probably tell me but she has the freedom to do so.
No, I’m not worried about my wife reading “my diary” because I’m not a child.
It honestly sounds like you need to work on your marriage and are projecting. Maybe try a couple’s therapist?
Very hinged lemmy comment.
If my wife knows my location it’s an invasion of privacy
I seriously doubt any of the losers in this thread have been in a loving relationship before.
I really think you nailed it and that folks here are either kids or never grew out of the high school mentality. It seems like they conflate trust issues with openness, and that you would only share with your spouse because your spouse doesn’t trust you.
My wife has my location. My wife has had my location when I’ve gone to bachelor parties and done bachelor party activities. I doubt she looked at it. When I came home, I told her about things we did because we take an interest in one another’s lives.
It really all comes down to efficiency. She’s an hour from home and I need to start cooking dinner soon? I’ll go grab the kids now and come home and get going. It just helps plan days and nights.
Why would you want to give third parties access to your locations?
Are you saying Apple doesn’t have access to my location already? Like I’m some kind of secret agent?
Third parties is plural. English kinda hard sometimes lowkey
Apple’s built-in location sharing is not sent to advertisers.
Jesus fuck, what did people do with their spouses and kids before phones? Trust them?
Sounds unlikely.
private investigators
deleted by creator
The main reason my wife and I don’t have location sharing set up isn’t because of trust or lack thereof between each other, but because I don’t trust proprietary/commercial location-sharing services.
I’ve been meaning to set up a self-hosted system (mainly because it seems like Home Assistant could do some neat automations with that info), but haven’t gotten around to it yet.
Yeah we use it with home assistant, and Bluetooth beacons to turn on the garden lights when we get home, and turn on interior lights if neither of us are marked as home. Also turn on the electric blanket if we are out and heading towards home after 9pm. Also the person detection camera only alerts us if we aren’t home.
Also turn on the electric blanket if we are out and heading towards home after 9pm
Make sure it defaults to OFF after power loss. My colleague had a close call when the smart plug with the infra panel plugged in decided to turn on after the power outage.
Yes we have several of the AthomTech ones that ship with Esphome. There’s a power loss setting on them “on, off, as before”
Would you mind sharing your automation yaml for the garden lights? I’d love to do more with Bluetooth beacons but don’t know enough about how they work to do anything with them.
We have it hidden in the letterbox. The mobile app has a Bluetooth beacon setting where you can have it report either specified beacons to HA, or all of them and you can filter for the ones you want at that end.
The automation looks for the beacon to be reported from either of 2 devices and then switches the lights on, quite basic.
We have a separate automation that turns the scanning for beacons setting in the phone app on at dusk and off at 3am. And another that turns the garden lights off after 10 min triggered by them being switched on
description: "" mode: single triggers: - value_template: >- {{ state_attr('sensor.phone1_beacon_monitor', 'b5b182c7-eab1-4988-aa99-bd9_1_2') != None }} trigger: template - value_template: >- {{ state_attr('sensor.phone2_beacon_monitor', 'b5b182c7-eab1-4988-aa99-bd9_1_2') != None }} trigger: template conditions: [] actions: - data: {} target: entity_id: - switch.garden_lights - switch.deck_light_table - switch.deck_light_bbq action: switch.turn_on - event: beaconDetected event_data: {} - if: - condition: numeric_state entity_id: zone.home below: 1 then: - data: {} target: device_id: - b5c12ce8343fda7810b69c24f - a71515f86d7d34ef570acbe8 action: light.turn_on
Hauk
Sounds like trust issues
My wife and I have had our location shared with each other for years, but it’s not a “Are they cheating?” thing. I have been married for 14 years and never wonder if my wife is cheating on me. It’s just incredibly useful for seeing how far away one of us is from home to do things like plan dinner prep times, know where to look for a lost phone, etc. If you can’t trust your SO, there is something wrong that you need to address and micro-managing where they are is toxic.
Also, do yourself a favor and use something open source and/or self hosted. Home Assistant, for example, has the ability to track location data for iOS and Android devices and pin that location to a map. Don’t give your location data to corporations to be used for data mining.
Call me old fashioned, but I put it in the same bucket as a prenup: If you’re always prepping your heart and mind for a split, you’ll always have one foot out the door. Not everyone will agree with me, but that’s how I feel and it’s why I don’t have one. Find yourself someone who is ride or die, if you are looking for a lifetime partner. Don’t settle for someone you can’t trust with your life.
That said, not everyone is looking for monogamy for the rest of their life, either, and that’s OK, too.
Call me old fashioned, but I put it in the same bucket as a prenup
I don’t agree. Prenups are passive, they don’t do anything until not needed. all the while this is a major breach of privacy, for both parties, and also of trust.
Legally and practically, prenups are anything but passive. They’re proactive tools. They’re usually dormant, but they’re ready to be called into action.
Marriage is different things to different people. Some have every intention to make it work, no matter what. To them, a prenup is an anti-“burn the ship”. It’s a statement.
Also, tools like “find my” are not major breaches of privacy if both parties jointly agree to use them. For me and my family, it’s the ultimate expression of trust. I’m never somewhere I shouldn’t be, and I like my family knowing where I am, for a multitude of reasons.
There are two types of people who a tracker wouldn’t be effective for: those who are in an inappropriate location, and those who are constantly questioning why someone is in an innocent place, regardless of where it may be. However, at that point, the issue isn’t the trackers; it’s the people.
Legally and practically, prenups are anything but passive. They’re proactive tools. They’re usually dormant, but they’re ready to be called into action.
that’s what I meant by passive. they don’t do anything until invoked, once.
It’s like comparing a personal forcefield with an always worn camera and mic that streams your life to google’s personal security subsidiary, if I want to magnify the differences.
I don’t see why what you said makes it not passive. maybe we understand that term differently.
Some have every intention to make it work, no matter what.
that’s how abusers learn they can do whatever they want
Also, tools like “find my” are not major breaches of privacy if both parties jointly agree to use them. For me and my family, it’s the ultimate expression of trust.
I don’t necessarily mean breach of privacy that way. if everyone voluntarily agrees, without “problems”, that’s good. but more that the service provider has access to a fuckton of sensitive data! I can imagine people who accept that… and then who also condemn others for wanting to escape shit privacy invading services
This comment is just ‘what do you have to worry about it you’re not doing anything wrong’ with extra words.
Nope. That’s only part of it. You’ve flattened the nuance into cliché without refuting the substance. But if that’s what you walked away with, that’s fine.
This is like, the opposite of old-fashioned. Calling your wife when you’re on the way home is old-fashioned.
This article is the first time I’m actually hearing about this idea because it never even occurred to me as something people would actually want to do. I frankly don’t see the point of this nonsense. I would much rather talk to my wife on the phone and communicate with her about plans. It’s much more human and normal, and facilitates good communication habits. It takes 2 minutes to give my wife a call and, you know what, I get to talk to my wife! We don’t need technology invading absolutely every aspect of our lives. We don’t need to be constantly plugged in and attached to our phones at the hip.
It also has other downsides, like making it hard to surprise your partner, constant battery drain from the constant location chatter, etc. In fact, it seems like all downside with no actual benefit (setting aside the trust stuff, because it’s pretty irrelevant either way).
I get where you’re coming from, but I loathe talking on the phone. I love talking to my wife, but we do that when sitting down for coffee and breakfast in the morning.
We don’t need technology invading absolutely every aspect of our lives.
Calling each other is technology. It’s simply a technology you’ve normalized
That’s creepy af
