tfw you are literally too brutal for the fucking monarchy of Imperial Spain to stomach
fr fr no cap homie was troubled
For those who like a light read on Columbus, The Oatmeal got you covered
Jesus wept, 9 to 10 year old sex slaves…
I wish he could die 10 times.
Oh, as a nonbeliever I really hope there’s a hell where he is suffering for eternity. Death is too kind.
Columbus was a weird Christian. I don’t know what he identified as specifically, but he was part of a large group of wealthy folks who thought the world would end soon and that would entail another, final, crusade to retake the holy land. And that’s what this exposition was! It was Columbus trying to find a profitable trade route to India so he could raise money to Crusade Palestine again!
Even worse, he was anti-science. By 1492 it was pretty uncontroversial amongst educated and ruling people that the earth was round, but Chris thought “Big Math” was LYING TO US ABOUT THE SIZE. And as far as I can remember, his source is he made it the fuck up.
So in short, Columbus was a 1492 equivalent of an Evangelical Zionist. Incredibly devout christian. So it would be so fucking funny if he went to hell.
Columbus being eternally tortured “WHY GOD!? I DID IT ALL FOR YOU!!!”
God “Yeah dude, did you miss the whole Jesus guy? He kinda ended the need for blood sacrifices. Why would I want war in my name?”
he was part of a large group of wealthy folks who thought the world would end soon and that would entail another, final, crusade to retake the holy land.
dude i come here to get away from reality and modern politics.
christianity has been expecting and demanding that the world is going to end soon for almost 2000 years now. I think there’s something in the bible about failed prophecies.
Ths Spanish and Portugese were brutal colonists. While Protestant colonial powers would prefer to kill you via bureaucracy, Catholic ones wouldn’t hesitate to proceed straight to rape, murder, torture etc.
Perhaps by being the incumbent branch of Christianity, and having state support via the Papacy and its Terra Nullius (ie. land occupied by non-Christians doesn’t belong to anyone) doctine, they felt moral accountability was less of a concern. That or they felt like they were going to heaven regardless of their actions via the Pope’s blessing.
Vasco Da Gama, the Columbus of the East, is known for the following after arriving in Kerala India:
-
Setting a civilian boat returning from Mecca on fire and refusing even to take payment to end the suffering. It took several days for the boat to sink and Portugese accounts detail the wails of women and children as several hundred died slowly. It’s said that women held up their babies above the flames begging for mercy. The few children that did survive were kidnapped and forcibly converted to Christianity.
-
When the local ruler (Zamorin) refused to expel every Muslim from Calicut (who de Gama perceived to be his competition for trade), he kidnapped a group of fishermen, had their bodies cut to pieces, and sent it to the Zamorin with a note saying to make a stew out of it.
-
When trade negotiations failed, he pioneered European colonial “gunboat diplomacy” by pointing his naval fleet at the unfortified city of Calicut, opening fire on civilians.
These two are the OGs of European colonialism. Both are venerated to this day.
While Protestant colonial powers would prefer to kill you via bureaucracy, Catholic ones wouldn’t hesitate to proceed straight to rape, murder, torture etc.
Which powers? The Brits, French, and Dutch? They were absolutely vile. Europeans were a very hateful boil on earth back then.
You’re absolutely right but they were more likely to say “ok here’s the rulebook we wrote for you” (however unreasonable) “oh, you broke a rule? You deserve what’s about to happen to you” (which is also probably unreasonable). This applies especially to the British. The Spanish and Portugese would just go straight to massacre.
This isn’t in any way meant to white wash their actions, just to bring light to the efforts they made to legitimize their cruelty, which was largely effective at the time. Many nations are still working hard to rid themselves of the colonial narratives and perceptions built off the outcomes of this bureaucracy of exploitation.
It’s much easier to say the Goan inquisition is bad/immoral but there are still people that argue today that British engineered famines were not Britain’s fault because points to the rulebook/bureaucracy. It’s an incredibly powerful tool for shifting accountability and victim blaming.
-
He left out one part, which is that the Knights of Columbus weren’t just looking for a Catholic role model. They wanted an Italian at the center of the American myth to combat anti-Italian racism.
IIRC slavery itself wasn’t even really the issue. AFAIK the bible is generally in favor of slavery, or at least servants-practically-treated-like-slaves depending on the translation. It’s more about how incredibly badly he treated his slaves. You might think that’s just how slaves are treated, based on 19th century chattel slavery in the USA, but in antiquity and earlier in the mediterranean (which includes the levant), slaves weren’t generally treated that badly. Not saying that it was all fun and games, but there were somewhat stricter rules on what treatment was socially acceptable compared to colonies in the Americas.
Slaves absolutely were treated “that” badly and maybe even worse. Urban educated slaves were treated relatively well, sometimes. However rural slaves were treated brutally. To say nothing of slaves sent to mines which was a literal death sentence.
ah but the bible has rules about making sure your slaves don’t wear mixed fabrics so like… i mean that’s it really. i don’t have anywhere to go from that.
It’s widely agreed upon that slavery prior to the transatlantic trade typically came with more rights and pathways to freedom and this is generally true globally. Many civilizations have stories of freed slaves becoming rulers or high tanking political officials.
The transatlantic trade sought to create a permanent underclass of slaves based on a global race based caste system based on how European powers perceived the world at the time. Essentially, if you had melanin, you were potentially a part of the slave / nonperson class.
This is why I tell people that life (not just history) is far more nuanced than we expect. We think we’re better, but I’m sure that future generations will judge us. I mean, we think we are lgbt tolerant now, but I distinctly remember growing up 10-15 years ago when a lot of people casually use “gay” to dismiss something they don’t like.
A lot of people judge us now. I do. Fascism is on the rise, people are convinced immigrants and trans people are the source of their problems, and people still think socialist ideas like food stamps are evil.
Lots of people suck.
When I was in school, a question that comes up is how could anyone let fascism took place before. Our generation is finally seeing it again. A lot of people are sanewashing and still arguing whether we’re under fascism. There’s the answer: we’re frogs in boiling water.
Sure, but now we don’t do that, so we’re better. The best, in fact! We solved discrimination! Good job, boys and girls! (But just those two…)
/s
Why did i read that in Wilford Brimley’s voice.
Most of the west and north European flavor of Christianity originated from Irish monks if I remember correctly. As they spread their understanding of Christianity, slavery pretty much vanished in those parts of the world. It made it pretty much impossible to enslave believers of the one true god because they are your brothers. It also conveniently served as a convincing argument to convert so it definitely wasn’t all rosy either.
The Byzantine Empire on the other hand had a different flavor of Christianity going back from Roman times where slavery was fundamental to society. Eventually Byzantine fell and many Europeans believed it was a punishment from god for their debauchery and mistreatment of fellow Christians as slaves.
Slavery became much more common again after the age of enlightenment and absolutism in early modern times when European monarchies really started colonizing the globe on an industrial scale. Most of Christian Europe were absolutely against it for almost a thousand years. So yeah, it’s totally understandable people in 1500 thought it was wrong.
I believe many people like to think slavery is just a default for civilization and abolishing it was a fairly recent idea but there always were cultures, places, and periods in history where it wasn’t a thing because people aren’t inherently cruel and selfish. Many people in history knew slavery was wrong.
I believe both the Christians and the Muslims had this sort of system actually, hence they would raid each other’s populations for slaves, to avoid upsetting their gods by enslaving the wrong people.
During crusades, Christians did take Muslim slaves from time to time, but prisoners were usually killed or taken for ransom. Christians definitely didn’t have a whole slave workforce like Muslims did. It wasn’t the way most of the Christian world operated. It was generally frowned upon I would assume. Muslims on the other hand had whole slave armies under their command. It was part of daily life.
Columbus was jailed solely because the King and Queen of Spain wanted to get out of the financial arangment they had made with him. Anyone who believes otherwise is crushingly naive.
I mean he also beat and tortured his own sailors who then unanimously reported him to the crown upon return. columbus was a massive piece of shit human being in every way, not just committing crimes against Native Americans.
there’s causative reasons and narrative reasons and often they are not the same. or even about the same reality.
TBF the problem was he kept promising gold and other wealth for the king and queen and instead he kept screwing the locals and not bringing home the cash that was supposed to support this very expensive investment the king and queen had made.
If he’d brought home the $$$ you can pretty much guarantee the royals would probably have overlooked his “eccentricities” for far longer.
