transcription: just saw a straight woman CONFIDENTLY say lesbian marriage isnt a real marriage its just “two best friends who get each other off” and like bestie, idk what has gone wrong in your life but thats exactly what marriage is supposed to be, regardless of the genders involved. as opposed to real marriage, where you have two people who dislike each other and dont get each other off.

  • Hildegarde@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    3 months ago

    Marriage is really about tax filing and its propaganda from the sex and chocolate industries to say otherwise.

    I love my wife very much that’s why I want to do intimate things together like fill out form 1040 while cuddling.

  • TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world
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    3 months ago

    As for the bottom comment of the screenshot, marriage has typically seen as economic for much of human history. So yes, real marriage is when two people dislike each other and don’t get each other off.

    • Buddahriffic@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      It makes me wonder what changed, though. Like the boomers still subscribed to this mindset as shown by the prevalence of “I hate my wife and she hates me” humour. But then it started changing to the point now where even dating seems to be down.

      At one point, being alone was considered failure or at least sad. But I’ve got the mindset of “I’d rather be alone than with a partner that doesn’t meet my standards” and I don’t seem to be alone in that (heh).

  • mortemtyrannis@lemmy.ml
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    3 months ago

    As the joke goes:

    Baby, this relationship is so good I want to get the government involved!!!

    However I really feel that marriage is a vestige of the patriarchy and shouldn’t exist.

  • aeiou@piefed.social
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    3 months ago

    as opposed to real marriage where yo have two people who don’t get along and don’t get each other off

    I’ve seen so many of these - couples who viciously hate each other yet ‘don’t believe in divorce’

  • solarvector@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    3 months ago

    Appreciate the sentiment and agree with most other comments here.

    Even though most people view it emotionally or under whatever religious pseudo authority, marriage is explicitly a contractual relationship similar to a business partnership. That contract creates specific financial and other obligations, liabilities, and privileges that you agree will be overseen by an authority that is in most cases a family court with incredible latitude to make determinations that heavily effect your life and that of your marriage/business partner. So, maybe take it at least as seriously as you would starting a new business with someone.

    • TotallynotJessica@lemmy.blahaj.zoneM
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      3 months ago

      tbf, I’d rather be good friends with a business partner too. Even if we ended up falling out, at least I’d understand them well and be better able to understand their decisions.

  • Gladaed@feddit.org
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    3 months ago

    Marriage isn’t committing to have sex with the other. Rape in marriage has been illegal for around 30 years. To me a marriage means committing to a partnership. This reductionist view feels harmful.

    • untorquer@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      Committing doesn’t overrule consent, nor does it inhibit your choice to change your mind. I agree marriage doesn’t give either partner a “right” to sex but neither does it give a “right” to a partnership.

      I’m being a pedant, i assume you meant to use “committing” in two different senses there: agreeing while maintaining agency vs. agreeing and foregoing agency. The earlier comments could be interpreted using either sense to get a different meaning, and i think the former was intended.

        • untorquer@lemmy.world
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          3 months ago

          I see it two separate concepts. One is a celebration of the relationship you have which can be secular or religious but involves a ceremony. The other is a change in legal status.

          Personally i don’t see a marriage/union as more or less valid, formal, or dedicated than a long term relationship without that process.

  • untorquer@lemmy.world
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    3 months ago

    I have a feeling this person might not be as confident about their sexuality as they are about married life…

  • Azrael@reddthat.com
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    3 months ago

    I’ll never understand the assertion that it’s normal for married people to not get along with their spouse or their spouse isn’t their best friend. What exactly do people think the point of marriage is beyond religious reasons?

    • Cevilia (they/she/…)@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      3 months ago

      I’ve been with my wife for sixteen years next month. I’m still madly in love with her and I genuinely like being around her. I kinda hope she feels the same way about me.

    • Meron35@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      Because marrying for love is a very recent development when it comes to the institution of marriage.

      Marriage was created for the primary purpose of passing down family wealth, and ensuring that it stayed within the family. Marriage was a tool to secure political and economic relationships first and foremost. For most of history, consent between the couple to be didn’t even matter.

      This fundamental reason behind marriage predates most religions, who later co opted it.

      As time goes by, the actual reason behind traditions gets lost and forgotten, so most people just have some nebulous obligation to marry ingrained within them, e.g. my grandparents got married without even knowing each other, so people should be satisfied with anything better than that.

      This extremely problematic history behind marriage is also why some progressives perceive marriage as an oppressive institution that is impossible to reform, and seek to abolish it entirely.

      Ten key moments in the history of marriage - BBC News - https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-17351133

    • chunes@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      It’s easy and common for the sparks to die down after 15, 20 years and you’re left basically living with someone who feels like an acquaintance. It’s a trope for a reason.

      BTW there’s nothing wrong with that. Most people are mature enough by then to make it work.

      • Azrael@reddthat.com
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        3 months ago

        Tell that to every person who has been married for 40+ years and is still madly in love with their spouse. It’s very common.

      • AndyMFK@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        3 months ago

        Shit, I’ve been with my wife for 16 years (married for 1), sparks are still strong AF. Does the timer start when you get together or when you get married?

    • lightnsfw@reddthat.com
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      3 months ago

      I wouldn’t say it’s normal, I think that’s just cope from people who’re scared of being alone or can’t afford to live separate.

      • Azrael@reddthat.com
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        3 months ago

        I think societal pressure also contributes. Not as common today but it’s definitely still a thing.

      • Camille_Jamal@lemmy.ca
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        3 months ago

        No, probably cuz I’m not in the worst part of the world or the web

        If you’d like to elaborate? If not that’s fine too

      • Azrael@reddthat.com
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        3 months ago

        I am familiar with the term. However they are usually for religious reasons. The notion that one must marry due to pregnancy is arbitrary.

    • TheOneCurly@feddit.online
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      3 months ago

      Be old/conservative, want to have sex at 18 because hormones, you can’t unless you’re married, get hitched for life to the first attractive person who shows up, wake up in 10 years and realize you married a stranger and you don’t really get along.

      • birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        3 months ago

        accidentally play the long game instead

        > build community group for shared hobby
        > get a few dozen ppl
        > group gradually over years expands to be a lot more
        > together with friends make a sidegroup with those y’all like talking with, so y’all dont spam the rest of the community under
        > continue chatting about hobbies, gay stuff etc
        > eventually you and another realise you like each other
        > talk with them more
        > oops now you have a date
        > meet up irl

        thats how i got into a queer ass relationship at least, basically the online version of creating/joining a hobby club and realising you like each other.

        and tbf, if you think about it, a real good relationship should be that anyways - it’s like having best friends but you do much more than that, like cuddling and mrrrping together :3*

        shared interests and complementing personalities help amazingly more, tbh. looks are great, but unless if you’re going for a short term thingy, i feel like personality is something you should prioritise on. but to each their own.

        * like yeah there’s fwb but a romantic relationship is a little different. there’s this kind of level of trust where you can be truly yourself and tell each other the wackiest shit.

    • borkborkbork@piefed.social
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      3 months ago

      it’s revealing right? there’s so much they genuinely do not understand or misinterpret it’s amazing they can get through the day without having yet another crisis about how someone they don’t like gets human rights or does something they think their god doesn’t approve of.

  • JesusChristLover420@lemmy.sdf.org
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    3 months ago

    Well there’s also romantic attraction. I know some aros who would love to fuck their best friend without any romance, but alloromantics tend to dislike that because they go and fall in love. Romantic love.

    • applebusch@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      3 months ago

      This is me I think. My most long lasting relationship was basically me and my best friend hanging out, living together, and having sex. I loved her a lot but looking back I don’t think it was ever quite in the way she wanted me to. We talked about marriage but it never really sat right with me. It’s been hard to accept that I might be aro. When I think about it too much I just feel sad because I’m afraid the kind of relationship I really want is impossible. Best friends who bang. I don’t want the exclusivity, expectations, or implicit sense of ownership of a romantic relationship. I value my autonomy way too much for that to feel anything but suffocating. I want to just choose to be with my besties every day and oops 30 years have gone by and we’re still together vibing and fucking.