How do people have the free time to have multiple relationships? It sounds exhausting.
Let alone having A relationship. I still have to sort my own baggages before I enter into one.
I would love to have multiple partners so that more incomes are coming into the household
My cousin and his wife did this and then one day my cousin and their new girlfriend dumped his wife
back then we called it “swinging” and it wasn’t rare.
now it’s an open relationship or “relationship anarchy”
i’m not a swinger. tried it. never will be. glad people can enjoy it.
there’s no “right way” to have a relationship.
deleted by creator
People should identify less and relationship more.
i dunno how i feel about this. on one hand, i wouldn’t mind having a fuck buddy, but on the other hand i just feel like committal relationships are better because im a emotional person. i dunno but i don’t have to worry becuase i know ill prolly be single and involuntary celibate for the rest of my life!
I’m not going to judge people who try open relationships, but I’ve literally never seen them work. It’s also nothing new. Swingers were a thing decades ago. I’ve seen marriages implode, people end up needing therapy, and the like. I have a friend who is poly and has multiple people in her relationship group. She tried to tell me “how great it is” and then the next day I hear about the latest group drama. I’m like “yeah fuck that noise”.
It’s kind of like communism. I love the idea of communism. Equality for everybody and everybody has an equal say in the means of production. However, it only takes one prick not pulling their weight on purpose to abuse the system and it all comes crumbling down, which is why so many communist countries have a dictator forcing everyone to “be equal”.
The same is true of open relationships. It only takes one possessive or damaged person to blow up the whole group. The weakest link in most things is the fact that some people fucking suck.
It seems you’re
correlatingconflating “polyamory” (non-monogamous relationships) with “polycules” (relationships with more than two people). Not all polyamory is a polycule and not all polycules are necessarily permanent; nor have their members exclusive with each other.Sometimes polyamory looks like a marriage where both members have okayed having sex with other people. Sometimes it’s groups of “swinger” marriages where they “swap” members. Sometimes it’s just a person who regularly casually hooks up with others. I’d argue that what people consider monogamous relationships have a bit of wiggle room. Life is complicated; people are complicated.
I think you mean “conflating”, not correlating. I’m not comparing two disparate data points.
Both of the things you described are the same sides of a coin, but with the commitment slider moved around a bit. Much of what I said applies to both.
Polycules, in your description, might be more “successful”, but that’s only because there isn’t any real commitment. If the relationship falls apart, oh well move on. That’s barely a tick on the slider from a fuck buddy and two ticks away from one night stands.
Again, everybody should be allowed to do whatever they want. Freedom in sexuality is important. I just don’t think these relationships are successful in the majority of cases and I prefer a stable relationship with someone I know will be there throughout my whole life. I have no doubt that I’ll die before I ever considered leaving my SO because I’m in it for the long haul.
yes - did mean “conflating”. mb.
I mean, I’ve seen a lot of monogamous relationships fail too.
Not denying that. Monogamy between incompatible partners who don’t communicate happens all the time.
Oh young people.
The silents and boomers tried this crap too.
Raised a generation of angry Gen-X kids through weekend visitation rights.
I had very few friends whose parents hadn’t been divorced from some form of this (cheating or swapping).
Some couples survived but the marriages were strained.
“Open Relationships” are what you do when you don’t take sex (or intimacy in general) seriously. It doesn’t end well.
I dont agree but I do think an overly individualistic and hedonistic approach to physical love can be harmful over time. There are people out there that are essentially masturbatng with another persons body and that is never going to be fulfilling in any meaningful way. A lot of mainstream, commercial porn portrays love making this way which can be problematic for so called gooners.
Ok Jesus.
If you’re not exclusive you’re fuckbuddies. Maybe it’ll stick, or eventually something better comes along for either. Then it ends.
Tomorrow we will cover how to determine whether you are being hit on by gays.
“Traditional” meaning “the last 2,000 out of 300,000 years”… Not to mention how it was only the norm because it was forced thru powerful organizations and not everyone just choosing it.
Monogamy and Abrhamic values are nothing but a fad on the timeline of human existence.
We ain’t built for that shit. Some people are and that’s fine, some aren’t and that’s cool too.
There’s a reason we’re not all built the same.
Abraham himself wasn’t monogamous.
It’s almost like everything in nature is random
Less random and more “shotgun approach”.
My wife and I have been poly from the start of our relationship and it’s been great. That said we’ve also long held a commitment to healthy emotional management
Can’t speak for anyone else but I will never do an open relationship. Either you are with me or you aren’t. Your choice.
K
I chose to be with you.
You’re not a weirdo are you, SatansMaggotyCumFart?
And that’s totally fine to have your preference. It’s not just a “your choice” situation. Communication at the onset and throughout a relationship should help weed out others who are not monogamous.
It’s only risky business if your relationship is defined by sex. People who would stay together even without the sex (because they like each other that much anyway) are generally going to be fine.
I’m not against different relationship arrangements and it’s often argued that you shouldn’t dump all your emotional needs on one person.
However… That being said the more people you add to the mix the more complex and more emotional energy you have to dictate to the situation. A lot of people are genuinely not ready for such a thing even if they think they are. Because while you might have mor emotional needs met, you’re also faced with higher emotional and social demands from your partners. Some people don’t seem to understand that you can’t avoid giving more of your emotional self to others when you give it to more than one person. In my experience, some of the people pursuing these kind of relationships are actually seeking less personal emotional investment, and I think that grossly misunderstands the situation and is a bit selfish, at best.
I think these situations can be healthy, but I also think healthy ones are more rare, just like healthy traditional relationships are often rare.
Finally, I am not shocked at people opening up to the idea of throuples when two parents can barely afford to raise a child. Three incomes starts to take the weight of the financial cost off just a little. Not a lot, but a little.
As someone who used to be poly, I agree 100%. Poly people can be emotional wrecking balls if they don’t put in the work to build and maintain healthy relationships. Poly drama story time!
The worst of my poly primaries believed she had infinite love to give, so she saw no reason to limit herself to one partner. While her love might have been truly infinite, her time, emotional capacity, and sense of commitment were not. She frequently overextended herself with multiple new interests and had her desire for attention and validation fulfilled far beyond reason without the capacity or apparent intent to fully reciprocate.
Her interests were typically less socially adept men who didn’t have much luck in dating, so they threw themselves at a charming, intelligent woman showing intense emotional and sexual interest, unaware or uncaring that she hid her flaws with equal intensity. (She had this thing about fucking virgins: hey, I don’t kink shame!) I saw her break a few hearts when they realized they weren’t going to “win” her for themselves, but only toward the end discovered that this wasn’t due to self-delusion as she claimed, but instead her failure to clearly communicate firm expectations and boundaries. Sometimes that they weren’t communicated at all. I also learned after the split that there were far more men than I knew about. Uggggh.
Eventually she began breaking the rules we established for our relationship and chose to leave me when I insisted we close the relationship to work on ourselves, as we promised to do when we first became committed. She opted instead to begin fucking two mutual friends, one of which immediately ghosted me while the other, a newly former virgin, soon called off our friendship so he could, in his own words, “have a clear conscience while pursuing a lasting relationship with her”. I’m sure I don’t have to explain how successful he was.
unrelated. But genetics is wild when you can have Lily Allen and Alfie Allen in the same branch.
