Instead of screws, you just have 5 bags of wires that you definitely will need some day.

My dad was born early enough to remember the Great Depression. Among other issues he was a borderline hoarder probably amplified by poverty on a farm where you never threw anything away because you might need it. So that meant all kinds of dissociated parts in various bins, buckets, and cans full of stuff. From pipe fittings to old nails, keys, screws and nuts, wall warts and cords, cans with more cans in them, storage containers, pieces of wood and metal…. So much stuff.

If you’ve ever spent time with a hammer straightening out old bent miscellaneous size nails rather than getting a box of uniform and proper length nails, you know the kind of person I’m talking about.

Is this how a house slowly lose integrity? Because each time things get unscrewed one less screw go back in?

Choose to think of it as a positive; you’ve been better at making sure things are properly screwed in and aren’t ending up with vast collections of “extra” screws.

When I got first my own apartment, my dad gave me a big part of his screw collection. Most of them are flat heads, and I can’t recall ever using any of them. Anyway, whenever I come across a weird screw that I don’t need, I add it to the collection. I don’t plan to have kids, so probably I’ll be buried with it, as a riddle for future archeologists.

Not my dad. He’s a fisherman. Coffee cans are used to hold worms. The metal things he collects aren’t screws, but sinkers.

These things:

My parents sold their old house last year. Finding sinkers around the yard has apparently become a hobby for the new occupants. Considering these things are probably made of lead, it’s good they’ve found a way to make collecting them feel fun.

I have so many vises…

Let’s see, there’s the giant leg vise on the work bench, the big ass 5" bench/pipe vise, the two small bench vises, the workbench with the holdfasts and bench dogs…Plus the pipe clamps, and the parallel clamps, the quick grip clamps, the F clamps, the band clamps, the spring clamps, the hand screws, oh…and the drill press vise mounted to the drill press!

You can never have too much work holding!

You haven’t screwed around enough, clearly.

My late father had one miraculous ability. There were always two pairs of rubber boots in his car trunk. No matter what. He never needed them. Always just got in the way.

I don’t have a car and I’ve used one pair of rubber boots since late 1990s. (Made by Nokia, so, you know, basically indestructible.)

A lot of people think there are just two types of screw - cross head and flat, but when you look deeper you see a whole world of variety: Phillips, Pozi, Robertson, Torx, Allen, etc. etc. the list goes on and each one is valid; and should be respected.

You must defeat him in a series of screw based challenges and you shall inherit the screws. It has been this way since the dawn of man.

Learned that you can go to your local screw store and buy them for pennies instead of going to Home Depot or whatever.

ok, but how many IKEA allen keys?

You have purchased the correct amount, only going over by an amount reasonable to throw away. It’s not a flaw, its a feature

Screwed.

It was a riddle, right?