I know it against the spirit of the post but I have to go on a rant here.
“adulting”
I hate that word, its so stupid. It implies self infantilization, when in reality its use is just indicative of one’s attitude towards work or getting anything done. And wanting everyone else around them to take care of things.
Every roommate I’ve had who used that fucking word did not do fucking shit around the house. They were always the victim when some disagreement happened. They sometimes got mad when I asked for their portion of rent. Just absolutely manipulative narcissistic perpetual victims that expected me or other’s to do everything for them.
As soon as I save up and move I will be so happy to finally live alone for the first time in my life. Rent will be more expensive and I’ll save way less but at least there will be fewer human variables like that to deal with.
Rant away, you are speaking for many of us who just fucking try.
I’m convinced the ruling class figured out how to reverse the wins the middle class made between 1945 - 1980. We’re back to being indentured servants but with the illusion of free will because we can somewhat choose our masters and sometimes work our way up to better conditions provided we help keep the lower class in line.
I have to say, there is an established solution to this problem: having a functional and comminicative extended family/social network. Car trouble? Your uncle and cousin can help you fix it tomorrow. Paying rent/mortgage? Not when you live in the big family home with 3 other generations of people that’s been paid off for the last 50 years. Cooking dinner? Grandma and aunt Bethel do it every night with help from the kids. Doing your taxes? Family friend Joe is an accountant and is glad to answer a few simple questions for you.
Unfortunately, most peoples’ families are annoying as fuck.
Unfortunately, most peoples’ families are annoying as fuck.
People are generally annoying. The trick is to remember that you are also people, and to handle the eccentricities of others with grace.
I come from a culture where multigenerational homes are a thing and me and my partner have done the unthinkable to break free from it. We have been shunned and ostricized for not following on the traditional way and as painful as it can be I will not subject my child to the burden of it. I know that te dream of having a solo home is that for many, just a dream, but multigenerational homes are a different kind of hell.
Mormons, eh?
Here’s the great thing about TODO lists: I control what’s on them. So I know what is completely safe to ignore and what’s going to ruin me. In most cases, I have a lot of notice about important things and can plan accordingly.
Honestly, if you can get your finances figured out, most of the important things can be automated.
Honestly, if you can get your finances figured
The difference between “call a plumber, the sink is leaking” and “I’m dedicating my weekend to DIY a pipe repair” is measured in dollars per hour.
My life changed when I move up a tax bracket. Knowing I had the financial flexibility to hire a professional (or afford a maid once a month) when I needed help really changed how stressful day to day chore routine has been.
Sure, but my point is you don’t necessarily need to move up a tax bracket to be financially stable, you need to carefully manage your money to maintain an emergency fund so you’re not screwed if something goes wrong.
Making more money makes this easier, but it’s possible at most income levels.
If you can keep up an efund, you don’t need to rely on predatory lenders or pay late fees, which dramatically improves your ability to keep that efund filled. Having access to cash helps make more reasonable decisions, maybe you’ll still spend the weekend DIYing a fix, but it’ll be a choice.
you don’t necessarily need to move up a tax bracket to be financially stable, you need to carefully manage your money
Sure. But it’s like drinking out of a martini glass. Saying “you can do it without spilling a drop” is true relative to physical balance and personal circumstances. A combination of personal discipline and good fortune means you can get by without any income. But as soon as one or the other slips, you’re in trouble.
Making more money makes this easier, but it’s possible at most income levels.
I’ve lived up and down the income scale, from squeaking by in college to living it up as a well-paid professional. To say it’s “easier” is a serious understatement. When you’re sitting out in 15° weather for a bus that’s an hour late to take you to a job that brings in $10/hr, knowing you can’t afford to go grocery shopping tomorrow if it doesn’t show, the concept of a budget feels very theoretical.
If you can keep up an efund
Then your income exceeds your expenses. That’s as much a benefit of having a higher income, as a consequence of a savvy budget. And a cash savings account comes with its own costs. Short term cash savings means less long term compound investment. It also potentially means deferred capital accumulation. If you can’t go to work without a car and you can’t fix your car without taking on debt, then you can’t afford to carry a positive balance. If you can’t afford a dishwasher, you’re spending time and energy manually scrubbing dishes when you could be sleeping or working overtime.
On the flip side, if you’re running a massive surplus then you can build a passive income through investment. Walk in the door with $1M in your wallet, get a (very conservative under most market conditions) 5% ROI, and you’re looking at the median household income with zero days worked.
It’s a mug’s game to think the economic balancing act is just a question of personal choices. And that’s before we get into the feedback loop of poverty - wherein people are effectively trained to think short term by selection bias, as potential longer-term investors get fucked by short term fluctuations in the economy.
That’s as much a benefit of having a higher income, as a consequence of a savvy budget.
Look at the statistics, plenty of people with higher incomes live paycheck to paycheck and don’t have an efund. Not having money in the bank is more often a behavioral problem than an income problem.
The real issue imo is that nobody seems to get a proper financial education, and resources vary greatly in quality.
Short term cash savings means less long term compound investment.
Sure, but the compound investment returns will be dwarfed by short term debt interest payments (credit card, personal loans, etc). Far too many people float credit card debt so they don’t need to touch investments. That’s the problem cash is intended to solve, and you can mitigate that opportunity cost with money market funds and high yield savings asks accounts.
If you can’t go to work without a car and you can’t fix your car without taking on debt, then you can’t afford to carry a positive balance.
Everyone’s circumstances are different, but people frequently have more options available to them than they actually consider.
For example:
- can they fix the car themselves? If you can identify the problem (most car parts stores offer free OBD2 scans), you can perform most repairs with a jack (comes with most cars), socket set ($50 or so at the hardware store), a screwdriver ($20 or so), and YouTube
- is mass transit an option? A bicycle + bus can get almost everywhere, even in my area with terrible transit options. It’ll take an extra hour, but it’s a lot cheaper than panicking and paying $1k+ for a tow and repair shop
- get a ride with a coworker or friend, or even uber until the weekend when you have more time to deal with it
- quit the job and apply for something closer - if you can survive 3+ months without income, maybe the car breaking down is the kick you needed to pull the trigger on a decision you’ve been putting off
Obviously individual circumstances differ. My point is that if you have no cash reserves, your anxiety when literally anything goes wrong can blind you to other options (I know because it has happened to me). If you have the fallback option of just paying out of pocket for a fix, you’ll probably also be able to take a step back and consider other options.
I’ve had a cash reserve since I worked my way through college. Sometimes rebuilding that cash reserve sucked and meant I had to eat really cheaply and not go out with friends. I made just over minimum wage (about $9-10/hr) while attending college full time and renting an apartment (shared a bedroom because I couldn’t afford my own room). I know how hard that it because I did it. I remember push starting my manual transmission car for weeks because I didn’t have the time or money to replace the starter.
I learned to repair my own car, and I’ve been doing my own maintenance since, even though I can now afford to take it to a shop, though I do refuse the more dangerous jobs (e.g. anything with high voltage or in the steering system). I also rode my bike + bus for a few years to save money and improve my fitness (10 mile ride, so not super close, and I was the only one doing it).
I’m not saying everyone should fix their own cars or ride the bus and bike, I’m saying that not having a cash buffer can lead to desperate decisions. Do what you can to create a surplus each month, even if it’s just a few dollars, and save that for a rainy day.
massive surplus
Yes, a higher income or asset balance makes things easier, but not having that doesn’t make it impossible, just harder.
feedback loop of poverty - wherein people are effectively trained to think short term by selection bias
Poverty is a completely different beast with its own set of causes and possible solutions. I’m not saying everyone can just “pick themselves up by their bootstraps,” I’m saying most people can do better and create a cash cushion.
But yes, family and community culture is a huge part of the problem and reduces the chances for people to better educate on managing finances themselves and break that cycle.
If you do get some time off, you can always fill it with worries and anxieties!
As a wise meme I saw the other day stated, worrying about things works: 95% of the things I worry about never happen!
Nobody on their death bed ever wishes they’d spent more time working.
That Titan Sub guy probably had a millisecond of “Oops, probably should have revisited hull integrity one more time” regret.
i don’t think they did since they’d probably pay more attention to it in the first place if they even did so much research as playing Subnautica for a couple hours
A 20 year old that I worked with asked me what I did over my weekend. My response was basically a list of chores and errands.
She responded, “Nice, you were adulting hard.”
I responded, “Unfortunately, I’m just an adult.”
Hobbies are important to mental health.
“I need an adult.”
“You ARE an adult.”
*proceed to get kicked in the nads*
At one point, I was in a couples’ therapy session and I had recently been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. I realized (and said) in that session that I would never have a break again. Vacation from work? Still have cystic fibrosis to deal with.
Yeah, like at my age, I should have a girlfriend, settle down, and have kids. But that is not my problem. I can barely take care of myself so what if I add more responsibility i didn’t ask for lol.
Part of being an adult is knowing what you can ignore for a while and what you can’t. So I don’t really see a problem there.
You were brainwashed to think that you are supposed to be hyper individualistic - you arent.
You 100% must learn how to not give a fuck sometimes. I’ve found that alcohol helps with this.
You become aware of the futility of existence, how in another 50 years if youre lucky none of this will matter in the slightest because you’ll be dead, just as life becomes the hardest to cope with.
So anyone 25-40 and still pretending to smile - youre a fucking warrior.
I cant find the relevant SMBC.
Yeah dude, the most important part about chilling is shutting off the worry tap and fully ignoring it for a while
Is there always something that needs to be sorted, or are we all just monkeys with OCD?
