I had this problem several times as well. I was told once I should at least extent my hand and be the one starting the conversation. Thing is, if I am doing that all the time and I never have it the other way around, means 2 things: either they don’t care enough to even ask how I am doing, and/or take for granted I deal with that.

Most relationships are a 2 way street. You may start the conversation a couple of times, but if you keep doing with 0 payout, eventually falls off.

This also reminds me of the people that only bother to tell something on birthdays (only if it is visible somewhere like LinkedIn or so), and/or Xmas just to give happy birthday/holidays. If the conversation is that short every time (get felicitations and say thanks, not much more), then maybe don’t bother saying anything at all. And please, do not only reach out when you have problems. If we didn’t talk for years, and you tell me how I am doing just to ask for a favor, please kindly fuck off. Got several time those as well.

3 points to remember.

1. If you miss someone, are thinking about them, or just feel compelled to let them know that they matter to you, get in touch. Don’t make a big deal out of it. Just text, email, or call to say hi. You dont have to expect reciprocity, to make plans, or any big gestures. You thought about them for a reason and you should just touch base and let them know that. That’s how friendships work.

2. If you feel like you are obligated to connect with them, like it is a chore, like you are putting energy into something that you are not getting anything out of, that is not fulfilling your need or want for companionship, etc., explore why that is and remedy it. That might mean having a frank conversation with the friend about how you feel. That might mean establishing healthy boundaries or expectations. That might mean putting that friendship at a lower priority or leaving it behind. Just take steps to keep everything healthy.

3. If you find yourself thinking “It’s their turn to call”, “They’re the ones that are always too busy to hang out, so it should be on them to reach out when they are free”, “They didnt say thank you for the thing I did for them”, etc., then you are part of the problem that needs to be fixed. Friendships arent meant to be transactional, someone else’s job, or an entitlement. You need to re-examine your behavior and the way you see the other person if you feel those things.

That’s why group chats exist, so you can keep the friendship alive through memes and news