It probably depends, but in my city (Tampa FL US) the frequency is by far the biggest problem. We live within easy walking distance of 5 different bus routes (on purpose) including one that goes directly to the uni my penultimate kid went to, the community college my youngest attends, my job, both jobs my youngest works, and my husband’s previous office. Without transfers. One bus. So basically we are the best served family in the whole city, right?

Two of those routes run hourly. The other three only every half hour. So it’s useless for work & school, if you have to be there on time.

This is a degradation of service, too - when I went to the same university, I lived by a bus route that went directly there, and ran every 15 minutes. Buses need to run every 15 minutes to be useful, even if the routes are good.

Paying is not so bad now with the tap to pay but free would streamline the whole affair for sure.

I can fit 2 paper bags of groceries in my bike basket. There is not a grocery on my short commute route or I would go on the way home. But really I can haul a few days stuff in the bike if I want to.

The car was essential when the kids were little, but as a couple the e-bike does more of the heavy lifting.

Well we do live in a city neighborhood and don’t have to drive much.

Car insurance on two cars not used daily $400/month here, gas immaterial. But the cost of the cars (paid off) was so much money, if spread over a 15 year life (mine will go longer maybe, but that’s unusual) would add another $125 each, so $650 plus gas and maintenance (less maintenance cost because cars were bought pretty new).

My daily commuter is a good electric bike, $2,000 plus electricity (I could charge it at work tho) and maintenance. I don’t know how long they last, so can’t estimate a per month but insurance for a year costs less than one car costs for a month.

Transit pass here about $50 a month. But buses are terribly infrequent.

No tengo una plancha.

I have never had an iron, just wear knits mostly, natural fabrics. If absolutely necessary, will steam them, but only a couple times a year.

My mom didn’t iron much but she did have the board and the iron. Some of my coworkers do iron their stuff.

My mom talked about staying up late to hear the black radio station because everything on the radio was so boring. She ran away from home to see Elvis!

You live in a different world, with streaming, you can listen to so much music. I can remember before that - we at least had community radio with volunteer DJs who played different stuff but top 40 radio literally played about 40 songs on repeat.

I suppose your grandkids will also consider whatever you think shocking music to be boring too

I mean, they could take the same approach they are with immigration and not give due process, right? Since they are arguing it’s not a human right? Just “deport” them to a prison somewhere they aren’t from?

I really do not like homework for little kids, they are in school 8 hours, that’s time for a study hall and recess, they aren’t going to forget how to read overnight, and don’t have enough free time as it stands now. So much of what little kids need is time to develop, not just academic instruction.

From 12 yo or so, sure, but school should be fewer hours then, like college, classes for lecture and questions, and work done outside class. 2 of mine had high schools that worked like that, with a long study hall period because school district mandates on campus time, and those two were the most successful in college, and so far also in career.

Fermented pickled radish is glorious. Just a salt brine, and time. I put a tight lid and shake daily until they are done, a weight or airlock works too.

ETA

More specifically, in case you want to try it. About 4% salt brine, loosen the lid most of the time, tighten to shake it. They will get sour. When they taste the way you want them to, refrigerate them. I always store them in the refrigerator after making them, because of the loosey-goosey process I use but start with clean jar (dishwasher or boil it) and don’t reach in until you are pretty sure they are done, have never lost a batch to mold. I think it’s like tepache, radishes must have a good strong bacteria/yeast balance so they take over quick enough. Good with fennel seeds or dill or mustard seeds.

My husband’s comment was “that’s silly. the whole point of marriage is to grow old together.”

I have always cooked rice in a pot (family from Louisiana, they literally grow rice there) but when I met my husband he was so mystified by dry rice, he’d been using microwave bags of rice.

I rinse long grain rice, and brown rice, but soak short grain sticky rice, and for some dishes, saute dry rice in butter or olive oil before cooking it. One of my kids used to cook it like pasta in a lot of water then drain it, I don’t think this is a one right way situation.

Puerto Rican food is delicious for sure. My DIL says it’s “saucy not spicy”.

We have hard wood floor not carpets, have dogs so it’s never going to be some “you can eat off the floors” situation. We run a Roomba thrice daily, my shoes are kept in the bedroom so that’s where I put them on/take them off. So in general it’s the big open room with the kitchen/dining and living room and lounge area that are shoes on spaces, but I am not generally tracking gravel into the house. Y’all really ask everyone to take off their shoes at parties & all? Like a barefoot cocktail hour, barefoot dinner?

The Roomba vac makes an enormous difference, I CAN walk around barefoot without feeling grit on my feet. But it doesn’t bother me that the floor is not pristine, no. And cooking feels safer in shoes.

In other people’s houses I do whatever they want, obviously, but I would never tell someone to take off their shoes for my floor’s sake.

ETA: I asked my husband and he said “up north people take their shoes off at the door in a mudroom and put on house shoes or socks because they have wall to wall carpeting and it gets filthy so fast.” I don’t have a mudroom just a front door.

I have never tried to be feminine, and believe strongly that “womanly” is the sum total of what women are and do, we define it every day by being ourselves. “Feminine” to me is the things people would do to impersonate a woman, if an alien came to earth, for example, and was performing to try to be like a woman - the outward behaviors and paint and hair and all.

So no, and I think it’s nothing to fret over. I want to be myself and help define what womanhood is, not chase after some stereotype. I’ve never felt particularly feminine, but do feel very attached to being female bodied, enjoyed being pregnant, nursing, love having sex as a woman. Just don’t see any point to stereotypical “femininity” or “masculinity” those are unnecessary, and actively harmful in some cases.

Self care for me:

Yoga class with other people.

Going out for a Pokemon go walk

Making healthy food that I enjoy (not trying to be virtuous and not junk either - nourishing and delicious).

Having a drink on the porch - ONE drink - with my husband.

Going to bed when I get sleepy and getting up when I wake up.

Smell, no. Taste, yes. I don’t understand how something that stinks so much while cooking can taste so good but yes, I like fried eggs, boiled eggs, scrambled eggs, as long as they aren’t overcooked they are good.

This all makes sense, But do guys even have the yes/no? Most who I talk to about this (both straight and gay) say it’s more points for more beauty, that the prettier (for lack of a less gendered word) someone is, the more other stuff they might overlook, and that if someone is freaking awesome as a person, they can start to literally look more attractive to them. I don’t experience either of those.

Like they weight beauty in their evaluation, it’s a factor to set on there with everything else.

Oh boy do I agree it’s dehumanizing, it reminds me of dog shows and how they have “conformation” as a quality. Racists make me think of dog breeders too, it’s dehumanizing in a similar way. People aren’t breeds and beauty isn’t conformity.

I think my standards may not be standard (maybe nobody’s are) and I think of that 1-10 as a more universal ranking, like something a committee would set standards for.

Not whatever scale my husband is using that puts me at “smoking hot 10/10” when objectively that is not true, either, when I love someone they do not get better looking to me.

So maybe. But it doesn’t feel to me like it has much to do with how objectively good looking a guy is, it’s more like whether I can look at him comfortably. Which might exclude extremely good looking guys actually.

Both my long term guys I would put around the same good lookingness as me, so maybe buried in there is a ranking and it’s not conscious. Maybe the filter is 4<x>9.

Yeah. I wouldn’t call grooming unnatural, and the difference also had to do with staying in shape but yes - insofar as looks are something you do, and not just something you are, on average straight guys seem to do the least, and women generally do more to get looking how we want to look.

Like, I don’t makeup or straighten my hair but do at least organize my hair, do so much skincare, care how my clothes fit, work out, I guess just sort of care about appearance.

As I get older this disparity increases, guys who could skate on youth and metabolism hit a wall and age faster than guys who did stuff to stay in shape and used sunscreen, some skincare.

I have been thinking about this, and I know when I was younger, most of the guys I knew were not physically attractive, more of the women made an effort and looked good. So it’s not a ranking where you take ten people and line them up with 1 the ugliest and 10 the hottest, more like a percentage of possible good looks. Really there were no “10” guys around.

That doesn’t mean none were acceptable, at all- I’m sure I have written about this before but I’m straight and my judgement of guys’ physical attractiveness is binary - in or out. You look good enough? That is good enough, and everything else about you matters more. I am not going to like you better because you are hotter, and nobody is so good looking I can want them just based on looks. You don’t look good enough? Nothing else you are can matter. That “good enough” bar is not all that high, but it’s a hard line.

So the ranking of guys’ looks like 1-10 or whatever is completely separate from how attractive I might find them, if that makes sense.

The first time, I was 5’9" and 125lb when I got pregnant, so not like I had anywhere to hide it, but I worked until 6 months without telling anyone and that is when it became impossible to hide.

The subsequent times it happened faster, the belly was noticeable by 4 months or so, I could feel it before anyone else could tell in all cases.

I had a history teacher who was hugely fat - she warned us she would be out on maternity leave, we thought she meant later in the year but she was gone the next week, and when she came back, looked no different at all.

I say this as a person with plenty of years. When the president is so ancient he is shitting himself at meetings, and congresspeople are dying in office - of old age- this has become a gerontocracy of the worst sort. One would hope that as people get older they have more experience, more perspective.

At this point I would very strongly prefer that people younger than me be in office and I’m not even 60 yet. We need people with more stake in the future. 40-60 then out, retire for the sake of the country. Write a book or something.