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My husband got tired of being the only planner and stopped, and his friend group basically disintegrated. He came to regret it later realizing, yes, someone has to take the lead or things don’t happen.
I don’t see why that was so regretful of him to stop if he got burnt out from continuing. I would rather be disappointed that no one else was interested in at least rotating the burden; even just one other person alternating can make a huge difference. With that said, I wonder if he asked anyone.
Yep, same
Oh my goodness, THIS, a million percent!! Also, you have to be ok with the event you plan being the reward in itself for you, because if you expect people to thank you… you’re going to have a bad time. On top of that, you have to be ok with people expecting you to do it forever from that moment on. Basically, you’re going to have to be quite emotionally and mentally robust to enjoy the experience 🤣
book the airbnb
I’d rather be lonely than give this garbage company a single cent of my money.
They rent out Palestinian homes in the West Bank that were stolen by Zionist settler terrorists.
Fuck AirBnB
There’s a reason I stopped hosting gatherings and planning events.
I used to live within 20 minutes by car, bus, or train to every single one of my friends. Now the closest one is 35 minutes away. Many of them are parents now, some have second jobs.
Planning changed from a “let’s hang next Friday” to a week-long process of comparing availabilities (usually received after individually bugging people) which results in a planned night 1-2 months out. And often times, something comes up and we have to start over.
I got frustrated with it and started giving them MY availability, telling them to figure it out between themselves and get back to me. But since I’m kind of the linchpin of a disparate friend group, it rarely happens.
My goodness, I have a friend who refuses (REFUSES) to give a bulk availability list, and instead just say “No” to everyone else’s dates that don’t match his. My bro, just give me a list of days for the love of socialism.
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Me: I can do X, Y, Z, and AA
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Friend1 : I got X, Z, AA, and maybe Y if we go early
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Friend2: I got V, Y, N, %, and Left-Field
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Friend3 : None of those work for me
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Me: What does work for you?
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Friend3: I dunno, what dates are you guys open to?
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Me: WE JUST DID THAT
I mean, at that point, don’t discuss it in text, but use a scheduling tool that forces people into a framework. If they refuse, they’re just being a dick, but at that point, at least it’s obvious they’re fucking around.
Tools like this help a lot for my group
I’ll give this a gander
Group chats on Discord, Signal, Telegram, and WhatsApp all support poll features, too, if one’s social circles use any of those. I’ve even assembled availability-scheduling through Google Forms as well.
Mine aren’t that bad and it’s admittedly only one of them who cancels but it’s still frustrating enough for me to call it quits on organizing stuff
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A regularly scheduled event is imo the best solution. Just have something on one night per month, everyone knows when it is, if they can’t make it no big deal there’s always next month. No need to continuously be organising something new.
Yeah, book airbnb, buy tickets and then watch people casually forget to pay you back.
Those are not friends.
Except everyone is like that. If you will insist on only hanging out with people that that take part in organizing, are on time, pay their debts promptly and actually have time to go out you will be handing out alone.
This is false.
If it’s different for you, you’re very lucky. Enjoy.
Skill issue.
What’s the skill? Fixing the world?
Introverts need more casual interactions, the walk or bike to work/school, with a stop at the local park or coffee shop
coffee shops are where it’s at
Maybe it is me but I’ve never been sitting in a coffee shop and seen anyone who wanted to be talked to. Headphones, laptops, doom scrolling.
Probably me, though.
different kind of coffeeshop : )
Oooh…
Obligatory, FUCK AIRBNB!
oh sure thanks, let me get my gold lined cheque book and start making reservations this second!
Well yeah that post is bougie af, you could just invite people over lol
I live in a single room in a basement.
i was living in a shed when i made that comment 7 hours ago. just picked up keys to an actual apartment today. hoping the best for your situation, i know its not easy.
Thanks it’s honestly not too bad. Just no good for hosting social events.
Congrats on the apartment.
Can you write something in that gold lined checkbook for the rest of us too?
The downside of this is when people flake or aren’t sure about future plans. You’re stuck with the bill.
then no one comes
Never ever book an airbnb
A smaller version of this is when you go to a theme park with a group of friends. Everyone wants to “stay together,” but everyone also wants to ride a specific ride. A long time ago, a friend taught me to just start walking to a next ride. People can come along or not. They usually do, though, while still debating which ride we should do next. If someone asks me where I’m going, I just smile and say, “to the next ride.” I go to theme parks to ride roller coasters (and the viking ship, but ONLY if it goes all the way around), not to talk about which roller coasters to ride. It’s not a mix tape - the order doesn’t really matter. We’ll get to them all multiple times. It’s why we usually go on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.
Basically, if you want to do something with your friends, do it. Invite them, but take the lead and do it. They can come along or not. Their choice. If you ask if people want to do something, they’ll all say sure, but planning will get messy fast. Plan it far enough in advance, give them a date and a deadline (for things like deposits), and people can usually move things around if they really want to be there. If they miss the deadline/date, too bad. Maybe next time.
On that note, if you love rollercoasters, go alone. Then you can ride or do whatever the fuck you want when you want. Take the single rider line without worrying about the group being split up. Buy a fast lane pass without worrying about whether everyone else wants to spend that money or would rather spend more time in lines. Eat wherever you want when you are hungry. Show up when you feel like it then leave when you’re bored or close.
When i inv people to things they don’t come
You have the planner and the nucleus. The nucleus is the person that everyone wants to hang out with, usually an extrovert with no planning skills. The planner and the nucleus are natural allies because they meet eachother’s needs. So figure out who the nucleus of your group is, be good buds, and plan things out with them first so you know they can make it before you send out the invite.
Then when you send out the invite they’ll reply all to say they’re coming and everyone else will come. Some groups have multiple nuclei so that’s a thing too.
Planner nucleus followers arrangement might make you feel unloved as the planner… But it’s just normal human social structures. Even Nazis had the same setup with Hitler and Goebel, Trump and Miller. Any group you look at has this structure! Secretly without the planner nobody gets to hang out at all so they’re the real OG imo. A group with only nucleus-followers is a bunch of people who rarely meet and say “we should do this more often” and then don’t.
I got lucky, our extrovert also has planning skills… Mostly, but good enough that a few of the rest of us can supplement on the details that get missed
I was the planner for my friend group for the better part of a decade, and then I moved to a different country.
I’m still the planner for my biweekly Zoom call with my besties, which is going strong.
The other friends pretty rarely get together now. I told them someone had to take up the mantle, but nobody did.
