A man meets Jesus and says “whoa, it’s Jesus. You’re such a chill dude.” Jesus then grins a malicious grin, points to himself and says “Guess again, bitch. I’m CALVINIST Jesus.” Calvinist Jesus hits the man with a steel chair. He then kicks the man in his lower back while the man is curled into a ball on the ground.

Original post | Bluesky

    • Brummbaer@pawb.social
      25·
      1 month ago

      A short and maybe wrong summary. If you succeed in life Jesus loves you and if you fail it was your fault for not trying hard enough.

        • Brummbaer@pawb.social
          29·
          1 month ago

          Yeah, that’s Calvinism.

          Try to be successful at all costs so you have proof that god loves you. A message that is really compatible with Capitalism.

          PS: I just understood that you asked about the definition.

          Basically a reform / protestant roman Catholic theology inspired by Martin Luther founded by John Calvin.

            • EnsignWashout@startrek.website
              10·
              1 month ago

              Yea. Any religion that believes in a just interving diety runs into this.

              If i really believe my god is perfect and all powerful, then why should I have compassion for all the unlucky people that god clearly despises?

              It’s hard, because the idea of a perfect loving god is incredibly attractive.

              It’s the evidence that sucks: if god is real and all powerful, then god is, at best ineffable, and at worst a terrible raging asshole who lovingly created a parasite that eats childrens eyes.

              Now, if we’re willing to believe in a sort of weak impotent god, the theology gets more interesting.

              • yermaw@sh.itjust.works
                5·
                1 month ago

                People said there had to be a Supreme Being because otherwise how could the universe exist, eh? And of course there clearly had to be, said Koomi, a Supreme Being. But since the universe was a bit of a mess, it was obvious that the Supreme Being hadn’t in fact made it. If he had made it he would, being Supreme, have made a better job of it, with far better thought given, taking an example at random, to things like the design of the common nostril. Or, to put it another way, the existence of a badly put-together watch proved the existence of a blind watchmaker. You only had to look around to see that there was room for improvement practically everywhere. This suggested that the Universe had probably been put together in a bit of a rush by an underling while the Supreme Being wasn’t looking, in the same way that Boy Scouts’ Association minutes are done on office photocopiers all over the country. So, reasoned Koomi, it was not a good idea to address any prayers to a Supreme Being. It would only attract his attention and might cause trouble

                From Terry Pratchets Small Gods

            • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
              7·
              1 month ago

              Yeah, they don’t frame it that way, and the more charitable description is that they believe their god knows from your birth if you’ll be someone who is pious and hardworking enough to go to heaven or not. But yeah it’s fucked up

        • TargaryenTKE@lemmy.world
          9·
          1 month ago

          Not only did it preach a lot of “work hard or else” rhetoric, but it also believed everybody was predetermined to go to Heaven or not upon birth so even if you did work as hard as possible, as much as possible, in the end it wouldn’t matter anyway. Calvinism was quite strange

        • whotookkarl@lemmy.dbzer0.com
          4·
          1 month ago

          If you’ve ever read the beginning of Moby Dick the preacher in the first chapter with the fire and brimstone preaching represents similar evangelical Calvinist denom preachers popularized around the 1700s during the great awakening. Probably the most popular example was Johnathan Edwards evangelical Calvinist/puritan “sinners in the hands of an angry god” from 1741.