Those that lack empathy hate that people are right about their hidden feelings. The reason for that is empathy is real and no amount of shade thrown on it negates that.
Emotional abuse is real too. This isn’t mindreading. It’s not prediction. It’s anticipation. And it’s emotionally discarding the people around you.
Empathy isn’t even part of what this is the moment you are throwing or feeling any shade.
Any empath who has familiarity enough with it will acknowledge that, like any other thing you see externally, mistakes can be made. With empathy, those can go pretty deep, too.
That said, I’d no more discard empathy than I would vision, and I’m not fool enough to discard a sense just because I’m not always right about how I interpret it.
Yes, people can sometimes tell how you are feeling by observing you. I get that it’s an uncomfortable idea, but it isn’t always just “a guess that makes them feel good”. It is possible to have an actual skill or talent for reading other people’s current mental state or emotions, just not if you’re a Lemmy user.
There’s reading emotions and then there’s claiming you entirely feel other people’s emotions and are so confident in it that you insist the other person is lying about their feelings.
true enough, I was just going off the text of the meme rather than the popular notions around “empaths”
Excuse me but I am perfectly capable of telling when I’m being thrown out of a restaurant or orgy.
well the buffet at the orgy is always on point so just skip the restaurant next time is my advice.
Reading emotional cues is a basic human sense. Otherwise we would not be naturally tribal. If you discovered you could read emotions past the age of 5, there is likely something atypical about you neurologically.
People that are good at reading emotions are wrong about the reason/cause a significant portion of the time. Like noticing someone is uncomfortable doesn’t make the reason for being uncomfortable obvious.
People misread social cues, emotional states, intent, incorrectly ascribe causality of these things, etc., all the time, every single day, constantly, for a wide array of reasons.
https://mindorigins.com/mind-reading-or-mammalian-instinct-why-we-misinterpret-social-cues/
People with low self awareness or high overconfidence just don’t realize that they are.
You actually have to have a significant amount of humility in order to have “high eq”.
People who make an entire personality or significant personality trait out of their infallible ability to read people?
Who will outright tell people: “I know you better than you know you”?
Vast majority of the time, in the vast majority of contexts, such a person is a delusional manipulative narcissist, a cult leader / grifter scam artist type personality.
I definitively can back that up from personal experience. I tend to be quite good at detecting what emotional state people are in, but not why
Due to certain mental faults I tend to assume or believe that ita because of some error on my part, but that’s often not the case, and I’ve been wrong about it many many times. Assuming I did something wrong when in reality it was something else
In one therapy there is this acronym called
QTIP.
Quit taking it personally.
Part of a ‘ten ways to untwist your thinking’
https://www.counselinglibrary.org/images/PDF_Documents/CBT_Handouts/10_Forms_of_Twisted_Thinking.pdf
Hey uh, that second paragraph?
I am not a psychologist, but:
unrequested unprofessional psych evaluation
Thats probably a sign of something like being raised by abusive narcissists.
Your natural instinct is ‘it has to be my fault’?
Yeah.
Because narcissists tell other people its always their fault, its their flaw or poor decision.
Its a form, or aspect or manifestation of hypervigilance.
Because you are so used to some new problem happening that is somehow, your fault or responsibility to fix, or address.
Alcoholics also cause this around others. It’s why it’s called ‘the family disease’. Just cuz one person drinks doesnt mean everyone else around them doesnt get affected by it. And it doesn’t matter if they are a happy drunk. Tons of people recovering in alanon because of happy drunks in their life leaving behind the destruction of an illusion to get over and repiece together a functioning adult life.
Alcoholics like to call this ‘charisma’.
Thats a good point, but in my defense, I’d argue thst an alcoholic just is a manipulative narcissist, a flavor of them, just with worse memory and coordination.
the action of being an addict is very selfish. And I have no doubt some alcoholics or other types of addicts are narcissistic. Often alcoholics are self medicating for another issue such as depression which might fit a different mental reason.
For our sake and purpose here : Results are the same. Still impacts the family just as much with a selfish action.
Just if we were to peel off from this and look at what drives them and how they might try to fix themselves might be a different approach cuz what they are masking can be various illnesses.
I definitively suffer from hypervigilance, yeah, you’re correct lmao
Well the good news is:
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That literally is not your fault.
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You can learn to gradually undo some of those tendencies, to some extent.
My lemmy instance has a series of random… header quotes, like flavortext in a game loading screen or something.
One of them, which ironically seems to be an apocryphal, misattirubted quote, but is still a good sentiment nonetheless:
“Before you determine that you suffer from depression or low self-esteem, first, make sure that you are not simply surrounded by assholes.”
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Have you heard of this book and movement called “non violent communication”? It discusses the downfalls of ‘prediction’ and how to clearly speak personal needs and the value of having fair ground in relationships with a healthier way of communicating with the people you love.(because listening is love too)
Also worth reading the 10 forms of twisted thinking (prediction/mindreading is one of them) https://www.counselinglibrary.org/images/PDF_Documents/CBT_Handouts/10_Forms_of_Twisted_Thinking.pdf
5b - Mindreading “Reading” others’ thoughts
Description: Anxiety/sadness/anger,
Impact: assuming the worst
Replacement: Clear communication
yep it’s a great topic, someone in my family actually got their degree in that exact topic
People can sometimes tell how they themselves feel by observing others while injecting wild assumptions born from severe anxiety where they imagine scenarios.
Meet one of my exes. he decided my agency didn’t count in any of the decisions he imposed on me.
He called it empathic. I called it abusive. He later called it anxiety. It was abusive.
basic communication using good old fashion sounds coming out of the mouth and forming words to clear the air like an adult capable of respect for another adult is heavily underrated.
Oh yeah, people that call themselves empaths tend to mostly just be narcissists in my experience. Other people having agency and feelings and their own internal life makes them so uncomfortable and they decide to call that “empathy” rather than what it is.
I’m saddened and grateful I’m not the only one here who associates the term with abusers.
Im a psychic and empath. Or psychipath
It’s sad how terms get co-opted. I get it’s part of the progression of language, but it still sucks.
I soak up the feelings of those around me, but it’s not some hippie woo-woo thing. I don’t think it’s “special,” just uncontrollable empathy. I love watching game shows because I take in the excitement and happiness of the crowd/players. On the flip side, if I see someone crying, it’s hard to stay neutral, because I feel their pain without trying to.
Is it a normal human reaction? Absolutely. Do most people experience it as strongly as I do? I have no evidence either way. It could be more extreme for me, but it could also be normal - just boiling down to differences in emotional regulation.
Either way, I guess I’ll be using the old, unambiguous term “empathic.” It still works, after all, and doesn’t carry the baggage of the newer term.
Ah yes, reminded me of an ex. Also had severe anxiety. Which was why he broke it off. Also wanted to get back together to see if ‘he made the right choice’ because apparently I don’t count in any of the decisions he makes for me.
My answer was nope!
Mood I’m recently divorced from my husband because all he cared abt was himself
Is empath some sort of dogwhistle? The only time I’ve seen the phrase “I’m an empath” was in between conservative misinformation on Facebook.
What they think it means: I have empathy with the struggles of others and can put myself in their shoes to try and understand them.
What it actually means: I’m an insufferable arse who refuses to acknowledge or respect another person’s point of view.
I’ve seen it with some crystal-healers and alt woo woo types.
I think they mean well… shrug
they seem much much less judgemental and hung up on dogma than the “bless your heart” and “I’ll pray for you” types.
YMMV
I associate it deeply with BPD style emotional abuse. Everyone who’s done that form of abuse to me has called themselves an empath. But inevitably, nope, it’s just hypervigilance and projection and don’t I dare correct them on how I’m feeling.
Incidentally I have a cptsd response where I often mask discomfort and fear so it’s especially things like me saying “no” and “I don’t want that” that get disbelieved by these “empaths”
I think people on the spectrum when they finally understand their fellow human beings for even a moment just shock themselves and that’s how the term came about, lol.
“Empath” is a colloquial rather than clinical term, but it is useful. For people who grew up in an abusive household with unsafe parents, being hyper-attuned to their parent’s emotions was an important survival skill, as being able to make yourself scarce at appropriate times can save you a beating. People give off all sorts of cues to their emotional state, including facial microexpressions, vocal tonality, body language, etc., and children raised in these environments have honed their ability to inutit emotional states from scant external cues, usually without realizing that they’re even doing it. Unfortunately, most tend to disregard the “gut” feeling they get when doing it, because their abuse profile also typically includes emotional invalidation, which has taught them that their emotions are “wrong”. So the cruel irony is that most “Empaths” don’t trust their intuition, and tend to associate with abusive people like their parents, which feels comfortably like “home”.
I grew up in an environment like this and developed these skills. I certainly don’t consider myself an “empath,” but didn’t even realize I had these traits until I met my wife who was working on her Masters in clinical counseling.
Joke’s on you! I’m a Betazoid. Captain, I feel… Intense… Scrolling.
Half-Betazoid.
It’s like I have ESPN or something. My boobs can always tell when it’s going to rain.
Modern spirituality, brought to you by influencers.
🎶borderline personalityyyyyyyy🎶
And a healthy dose of HPD with severe messiah complex
Damnit, this meme knows how my mind works and now that my delusions have been consciously presented to me, perhaps I should fix myself.
Does understanding basic emotions make you an empath
