People can’t be bothered to read or do shit because their comprehension is trash. This happens constantly. I taught college courses for years and it was pulling fucking teeth to get people to answer essay prompts. For example:

In One Hundred Years of Solitude we see generational cycles of behavior blah blah blah, which characters fit this pattern, which characters do not, and why?

95% of answers: only characters that fit the pattern. They read the first few words and ignored everything else, and then have the audacity to complain that I said they only answered half the question.

The usual retelling of “Big man, strong man, he came to me, tears in his eyes…”

Just whacking it into his own mouth while the looney tunes factory music plays

They need to shore those numbers up — can’t lag behind Biden’s daily deportation count and look weak. Just get a large-sounding number to wave around and say “look, we’re doing what we promised!”

A pissing contest where Trump is desperately shoving asparagus in his mouth.

Use a greasy ring of Papa John’s garlic butter sauce to stick that Parmesan rim on, you got a deal

Their tailors sew them on one leg at a time like everybody else’s

A Beautiful Depression, folks

You knew this was coming, dummies. And do you really think Trump is going to abide by anyone else’s rules at this point? Today you’re reaping what you’ve sown.

Bold of you to assume they don’t ghost us before it gets this far

I told you man!

Wait, TikTok users had more than 4 seconds of engagement with a 25-hour speech that wasn’t set to “oh no no no” (slowed + reverb NITECORE REMIX)

“It’s one banana, Michael. What could it cost, $10?“

“No, no, I was talking about remodeling to add a little space to my lebensraum— I mean, living room.”

“I am altering the deal. Pray I don’t alter it any further.”

Swapping this bullshit over here for that bullshit over there so fast it’s a dead kid three-card monte

If you put them all together they eventually spell a slur.

But he said so himself! He even twirled where his mustache would be if he could grow one!

Guess they don’t remember accutane. That’s a fun list of side effects right there.