While I don’t disagree, many of the women I’ve seen on dating apps have about as much personality as a cardboard box, yet still get tons of matches. It’s just annoying having to be super funny and interesting and etc to get any attention at all, compared to the other person actually just existing and saying “hey.”
Getting loads of matches isn’t necessarily a boon. I’ve had quite a few times where it turns out that a person I’ve matched with actually doesn’t find me attractive at all, but they were just liking profiles en masse to maximise their chance of getting likes.
Although, I prefer the people who are honest about the fact they consider me ugly than the ones who consider me unattractive but go on a date with me anyway, because I’m better than nothing. I once even ended up finding out that a dude was 0% attracted to me after we had been on a few dates and I had ended up at his place; he was unable to maintain an erection, and this led to him confessing that he wasn’t physically into me at all, but that I was the best option available.
I’m far from conventionally attractive, but I also know that I’m not the repugnant ogre that these instances made me feel like. It’s exhausting to do online dating because even the excessive number of likes just ends up being a source of stress: “is this person actually into me, or am I functionally a fleshlight to them?”
It’s especially frustrating because dudes who are like this are also making it worse for other men on the app who actually want to meet someone. It puts women more on guard, and makes us feel overwhelmed, which makes it less likely that we’ll have the emotional or mental energy spare to message back someone who’ll end up being genuine
Yep 100%, I didn’t mean to make it seem like the other side is better, I think online dating is pretty terrible for everyone. I’ll think a long time about if I want to match with someone but I’ve heard many people say “just spam like and then you can decide on the couple matches you actually get.” I don’t go on because I don’t want to see the cardboard personalities, and actually cool women don’t go on for the exact reasons you said.
Hopefully in person hangout spaces become a thing again, since that’s so much better than online.
Don’t worry, I didn’t get the sense that you were saying it in “we have it worse” kind of way. I was just giving some additional perspective from my side of the aisle — because solidarity is always good when facing something a bit grim
I don’t think it’s necessary to have to put too much thought into clicking “like” on people when online dating; The landscape pretty much requires casting a wide net, regardless of gender. Some people go way overboard on that though — they treat people like they’re pieces of meat at the market, and then they mope about how lonely they are.
I have met good people on these apps, but man, it sure does take a lot of effort to get past the initial “vibe checking” stages (which can include the first in person date or so). Fortunately my profile is weird as hell, and whilst that doesn’t put off the creeps, it does draw in the people who are like “damn, this chick is weird…I bet we’d get on!”
True on all counts. Unfortunately, there’s little to be done to change those things. Putting in the effort to be funny and interesting will have better outcomes than focusing on how it’s not fair you have to do more work. This might be one of the few scenarios where men are mildly disadvantaged
I mean I would still rather not be the woman in that situation since you don’t know who actually cares about you. Just that it’s pretty unfortunate that we still do the basic evolution thing of “males compete for a female’s interest!” I don’t really want to play that game, and irl I didn’t feel I needed to nearly as much.
While I don’t disagree, many of the women I’ve seen on dating apps have about as much personality as a cardboard box, yet still get tons of matches. It’s just annoying having to be super funny and interesting and etc to get any attention at all, compared to the other person actually just existing and saying “hey.”
Getting loads of matches isn’t necessarily a boon. I’ve had quite a few times where it turns out that a person I’ve matched with actually doesn’t find me attractive at all, but they were just liking profiles en masse to maximise their chance of getting likes.
Although, I prefer the people who are honest about the fact they consider me ugly than the ones who consider me unattractive but go on a date with me anyway, because I’m better than nothing. I once even ended up finding out that a dude was 0% attracted to me after we had been on a few dates and I had ended up at his place; he was unable to maintain an erection, and this led to him confessing that he wasn’t physically into me at all, but that I was the best option available.
I’m far from conventionally attractive, but I also know that I’m not the repugnant ogre that these instances made me feel like. It’s exhausting to do online dating because even the excessive number of likes just ends up being a source of stress: “is this person actually into me, or am I functionally a fleshlight to them?”
It’s especially frustrating because dudes who are like this are also making it worse for other men on the app who actually want to meet someone. It puts women more on guard, and makes us feel overwhelmed, which makes it less likely that we’ll have the emotional or mental energy spare to message back someone who’ll end up being genuine
Yep 100%, I didn’t mean to make it seem like the other side is better, I think online dating is pretty terrible for everyone. I’ll think a long time about if I want to match with someone but I’ve heard many people say “just spam like and then you can decide on the couple matches you actually get.” I don’t go on because I don’t want to see the cardboard personalities, and actually cool women don’t go on for the exact reasons you said.
Hopefully in person hangout spaces become a thing again, since that’s so much better than online.
Don’t worry, I didn’t get the sense that you were saying it in “we have it worse” kind of way. I was just giving some additional perspective from my side of the aisle — because solidarity is always good when facing something a bit grim
I don’t think it’s necessary to have to put too much thought into clicking “like” on people when online dating; The landscape pretty much requires casting a wide net, regardless of gender. Some people go way overboard on that though — they treat people like they’re pieces of meat at the market, and then they mope about how lonely they are.
I have met good people on these apps, but man, it sure does take a lot of effort to get past the initial “vibe checking” stages (which can include the first in person date or so). Fortunately my profile is weird as hell, and whilst that doesn’t put off the creeps, it does draw in the people who are like “damn, this chick is weird…I bet we’d get on!”
True on all counts. Unfortunately, there’s little to be done to change those things. Putting in the effort to be funny and interesting will have better outcomes than focusing on how it’s not fair you have to do more work. This might be one of the few scenarios where men are mildly disadvantaged
I mean I would still rather not be the woman in that situation since you don’t know who actually cares about you. Just that it’s pretty unfortunate that we still do the basic evolution thing of “males compete for a female’s interest!” I don’t really want to play that game, and irl I didn’t feel I needed to nearly as much.