• FenrirIII@lemmy.worldEnglish
    14·
    3 months ago

    I’m straight, but I love people being happy and accepting one another. More people need to not be jerks.

  • Echo (they/she)@lemmy.worldEnglish
    9·
    3 months ago

    3 years into transition and still in the closet to most. Thanks to my spouse for having my back, but these are still lonely times

  • ObtuseDoorFrame@lemmy.zipEnglish
    5·
    3 months ago

    Lemmy isn’t as accepting as this suggests. I get downvoted (rejected) by the queer community here every time I talk about my asexuality. Apparently I don’t qualify because I wasn’t born asexual and became ace through childhood trauma. So I’m back to having no sexuality at all. I’m just an empty vessel. A void. It was nice to experience the perception of acceptance for a little while, at least.

    • prole@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      6·
      3 months ago

      The fediverse is not a monolith. I would be pretty surprised to see people on this instance (blahaj) downvote you for talking about being asexual.

      You can block the shitty communities that do.

      • ObtuseDoorFrame@lemmy.zipEnglish
        0·
        3 months ago

        Very true, maybe I just mentioned in the wrong place. The way it’s handled it especially hurtful. I’m also autistic, and people will ghost me instead of explaining the issue with our relationship. They never bother explaining the issue, they just vanish.

        No one bothered to explain the reason they were downvoting me. Not a single comment, just downvotes. Eventually, in the midst of a panic attack (losing your identity shortly after receiving it will do that), I asked why I was being rejected. I only know about the “not born asexual” thing because someone finally included an explanation with their downvote.

        • pooberbee (she/her)@lemmy.mlEnglish
          5·
          3 months ago

          The “born this way” trope seems to be something that the media pushes a lot, and it’s wrong. Being able frame queerness as being not-by-choice helps some people give themselves permission to be queer. Anyone who is gatekeeping your identity is not an ally. Your identity is yours to do with as you please. If you’ve always been ace and only now are realizing it, great, that’s yours to determine. If you’re deciding that your identity now is ace and previously was something else, it’s your prerogative. The ability to grow and change is powerful.

          • Draconic NEO@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
            3·
            3 months ago

            Yeah I’ve always taken issue with “born this way” rhetoric because it doesn’t align with how gender identity works, particularly with people who’s identity constantly changes, or for people who’s identity changes with time. The rhetoric about being “born this way” or that it’s “in your genes” is very easy to abuse in order to claim someone is “faking their identity” or otherwise not valid. Which is unacceptable.

            Side note: I do not think it is productive or good for people to engage in discussions or discourse about people faking gender identity or orientation. The idea of people faking identity or attraction is actually really reductive and stupid, and gives credence to the idea that some people aren’t valid. If someone identifies a certain way you should respect them by virtue of how they identify even if their presentation deviates from the norm greatly.

            Also I’ve heard the “born this way” or “in your genes” arguments used to reinforce claims that someone is not the orientation they say they are. I’ve seen it used in bi-erasure to argue a bisexual person is gay. I’ve also seen (and experienced) it being used to say someone isn’t the gender identity they identify as. This one is especially shitty to experience, it is essentially intentional misgendering, under the guise of helping.

    • festnt@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      4·
      3 months ago

      this reminds me of a friend with the same situation. one time we were in highschool, talking about sexuality and he said he was asexual, but wasn’t born that way and some random girl just came out of nowhere saying that he was wrong and that people are born asexual. it was weird

      • Gormadt@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
        2·
        3 months ago

        Sexuality is a fluid and ever changing thing in life.

        Some people find their groove later in life, some find it early, some people it changes with time, some it’s a constant.

        And the same applies to romantic attraction as well. Edit: Hell it even applies to gender!

        Everyone is different, we’ve just got rough definitions for categories of people. Sometimes those definitions fit like a glove, sometimes they fit like a tarp, and sometimes they’re too restrictive to be useful.

        All we can do is try to accept one another for who we are and as long as we can all agree to do that we’ll get along just fine. Some people really don’t realize this or even make an attempt to and it’s depressing as hell.

    • Draconic NEO@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
      3·
      3 months ago

      I’m sorry you had to go through that. That is a shitty reason for someone to reject you. Just FYI for anyone else seeing this sexual-fluidity is valid and people don’t need to have been born a certain way to be asexual, or gay, or bi. Attraction can change with time or circumstance.

    • birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      2·
      3 months ago

      Hey, hugs. I feel like the Blåhaj instance peeps in general are pretty accepting. If there’s anything you wanna talk about, I’m all ears! I’m part of the queer community as well, I don’t hear much often sadly about asexual folk.