I wholeheartedly refute the assertion this comic makes that the word ‘lock’ is onomatopoeic.
I was lucky enough to meet my SO before online dating became the norm.
I’m just not equipped to navigate something like that.
I feel like being eternally single and lonely would be easier than having to encounter the constant rejection.
I feel like being eternally single and lonely would be easier than having to encounter the constant rejection.
Sadly, I think a lot of people are going down this route.
It’s only going to get amplified as people lose more I fear
Wow, this comment section is a nightmare
Reminds me of a story. Four scientists, all male, on an expedition in Antarctica, far from any other human being. They set up camp, establish the data link to sync their email, and one of them gets an email spam of the sort “hot women in your area”. The next human female was several hundred kilometers away…
Two scientists met via Tinder in Antartica and matched to each other when they were a 45 min helicopter ride away from each other .
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Honestly I don’t see what makes chasing after women so special, you men have better things to do in your lives.
So go out there & enjoy your hobbies. Stop wasting your time with this nonsense & trust me; you men will still be hated but at least you’ll be educated.
Chasing is only fun for predators. That’s why it’s such a frustrating and unfulfilling experience for the majority of men.
Predators like you.
You are the epitome of “Look ladies, I’m your one true good man” energy.
UPDATE: Ooof a quick dislike huh, maybe I touched a nerve
Yeah, I know. I’ve been called a rapist for refusing to have sex with women several times. Because that’s what predators do.
Chasing is fun, if you do it right.
Go out, learn some new hobbies, try new things. Make a point to at least try some things you don’t like. Make new friends, and you’ll probably find someone who is equally happy to find you. The chase can be fun, but don’t chase a person, chase happiness, run with the pack, and find the one who is running with you.
Sharing hobbies is not what I would call chasing, that’s just basic social skills. Chasing is pretty much all the pick-up artist stuff. But honestly, I find people of today extremely boring, especially young people. The most complex hobby they have is doing workout to look fit and even that is done on a very superficial level. Nobody makes art anymore or is into philosophy or psychology. It’s all just about consuming memes and TikTok slop or pretending to be creative by using AI or joining the current virtue signaling/slacktivism hypetrain on social media. That’s why I prefer to talk to older people, you can sit down with them in a café and talk for hours about plenty of topics without ever looking at a smartphone. But it’s not easy to find them, they don’t go out much either for similar reasons. Society has changed a lot in the last decades and all I can do is to accept that and cherish those rare occasions.
New generations aren’t required to appreciate the culture of older generations.
Frankly, I think the half-perm half macklemore high sided buzzcut fuccboi look is dumb, and it makes people look like pomped up poodles, but they aren’t getting those haircuts to be attractive to millennials. I imagine this is what my parents thought when every guy in my generation had spiked hair with bleached tips… So let them be alien to you, it’s totally normal. You don’t have to understand, but you should give them space to be themselves.
We didn’t have much better haircuts back then either. But we had more diversity. This is also one of those things I miss, the countless subcultures which led to interesting social dynamics. When was the last time you saw punks and hip hop enjoyers partying together in a park?
I’m not trying to take space away from young people by any means. I actually tried the opposite. It didn’t work and I moved on.
When was the last time you saw punks and hip hop enjoyers partying together in a park?
Never, but that’s because I spent most of my youth playing video games, or running around in the woods hitting my siblings with sticks.
Sweet! More gamers!
men bad
Don’t even think about going there, they’ll kidnap you and sell you for your organs, if not worse, it’s not worth it.
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You risk life and limb crossing the street. It is reasonable to take some precautions like looking both ways or waiting on a walk signal. It is not reasonable to assume every driver will swerve into you when they see an opportunity.
Take care to prepare for the worst for your own safety, but don’t assume the worst in others.
Dating platforms areLIFE is crawling with predatorshe FTFY
Edit: Just to add “predator” is not only the psycho that will kill/rape a woman. Any men that do not accept a NO, that thinks they are “playing hard to get”, that catcalls a woman in the streets, ta makes an unsolicited comment about their body, that thinks woman are ment to do whatever they want… any of those men are predators.
Any men is a comment away from being a predator. Don’t be this man
Of course it doesn’t feel great to think that people are uncomfortable and threatened just being aware that you are a single man who exists in the same environment, but if that’s how it’s gotta be, how do you successfully communicate that you are not a threat?
but if that’s how it’s gotta be, how do you successfully communicate that you are not a threat?
That’s what a predator would say.
No, seriously, trust is built over time.
No, seriously, trust is built over time.
Well yeah, obviously, but why would someone give you the opportunity if being around you makes them uncomfortable and threatened? It works the other way around too; I wouldn’t want to spend time with someone if it seems like doing so might be making them feel afraid, in that case I’m just going to stay away from them.
Isn’t it hilarious that women VASTLY PREFER dating strangers than from within their own social sphere? The phenomenon of "But we’re friends! is a cliche for a reason.
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The weird thing I really don’t have a big issue with that. It’s just that the rhetoric just crushes me because it never ends and it fucks my head up and I start to doubt myself.
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That’s not sexist at all
You’ve fallen for the classic blunder.
By jumping in and commenting, you have proven them right in their minds.
It’s a thought terminating trap. Women are allowed to call out sexism when they see it against themselves, whereas men are not allowed to call out sexism when they see it against themselves.
One user called me a rapist for this. Like wtf. How anything defending men can be converted to men are rapist pigs, is fascinating.
The reason these conversations are so unproductive is because some people take the wildest read of these jokes (“all men are rapists”) and get offended by them, when the surface reading (“men like the idea of meeting a random woman, women do not like the idea of meeting a random man”) is crystal clear and non-controversial. This joke could be from a Seinfeld opening monologue, it’s such a generic piece of observational comedy.
It takes five minutes to find data that shows that this is very much not sexism.
What data?
Number of dangerous outcomes when meeting a new person in a date by gender.
Violent crime by gender.
Rape events by gender.
Domestic break and entering by gender.
Pick your favorite?
I 100% agree with this data. Men commit more crimes of this nature than women. Problem is not with the data. Problem is that this data is not directly relevant here.
Most such crimes are committed by men but most men don’t commit such crimes. And the post implies that most men do.
And the post implies that most men do.
Not really. The image (which might I remind you is a comic strip, not some article published on Science or an opinion piece on the New York Times) implies that women feel very differently about “random strangers of the opposite sex near you right now!” than men do.
And that’s true, precisely because of the data you just agreed is valid. If I say to a guy friend “dude you’re not going to believe this, we were invited to a party with 50 girls and we will be the only two men!” he’ll have a profoundly different reaction than if a girl heard from a friend “girl you’re not going to believe this, we were invited to a party with 50 men and we will be the only two girls!”. It doesn’t matter to them, at this point, “oH nOt AlL MeN aRe DaNGeRoUs” what matters is that they’d be in a inherently more dangerous position than men would be in the opposite scenario.
The comic strip is noticing the difference in gut feeling and reaction, not proposing a thesis on men’s criminality.
And the post implies that most men do.”
I don’t agree this is the implication. The comic is juxtaposing how men might see a bunch of single women as an opportunity whereas women might see a bunch of single men as a threat. It doesn’t have to be all or even most men in that group for the threat to be real.
Also how is the data not relevant? The data is literally quantifying the problem this comic is addressing: this is a problem that disproportionately victimizes women and the perpetrators are often men, by a large margin. That is literally the basis for why the woman is unsettled whereas the man is relatively carefree.
Yep, that’s just how it is these days. Let me ask though, does it really matter?
If the girls are afraid of the guys, that’s their problem, not yours. Stick the time into something else you enjoy, let nature run it’s course. Find a job you don’t hate, spend your money as you like, live a happy life without the anxiety of rejection.
if girls are afraid of guys, that’s my problem
I understand you but I want to continue being grossed out by the idea of people thinking I am a rapist. Purely because I don’t want to be desensitized to this subject.
It’s crazy how women say, “I don’t feel safe around men” and then men scream, “But not all men!!1!!1 I didn’t do it! Not me!!!” like why do y’all act like you’ve been wronged when women don’t want to be raped and assaulted? Stop making it about yourself.
Edit: Remember men, when a woman says that she’s uncomfortable, start yelling at her and tell her it’s her fault. That’ll prove her right!!! #nOtAlLmEn
Because it’s seen as a primary factor in the “male loneliest” issue. Not only are we trying to get noticed in a sea of options but now we have to fight it being assumed we are just gonna molest them which making meeting people and trying to get connect extremely difficult. Frustration turns that into a crash out about how your not like that
It’s not hard to be normal. Be respectful to people and their boundaries. Y’all act like this is something complicated like doing taxes, it’s not hard.
The problem isn’t being “normal” which I’m sure is easy for neurotypicals, but for us awkward types not so much. I’m literally diagnosed “has trouble reading social cues” so yeah sometimes picking up on those might be harder than taxes.
But even normal men are seen as default rapists, assaulters, and murderers simply for being a man. I understand this is because many women have been assaulted before, but for some reason it still seems like painting an entire gender with a broad brush because of the actions of a small portion of that gender is “wrong.” Maybe I only think that because it’s wrong to do it to any other gender, or race, or sexual orientation, and so my broken neurodivergent brain says “well if it’s wrong to do then it is wrong to do now.” Like, I can’t just assume every woman will cheat on me because 3 have, or that every woman will rape me because 2 have (3 if threatening suicide when I say no to convince me to begrudgingly do it counts, not sure since I eventually acquiesced but…) Nor can I assume every black guy is going to pull a knife on me just because it has happened once previously, and if I can count friends being stabbed it happened a lot back when a few of us lived in a particular neighborhood (all moved thankfully), and then there’s the racist ol’ “55% of crime is committed by 13% of the population” shit. Still with all of that, it’s not right to paint those individual’s entire demographic groups as the same, but it’s fine just this one time?
Sorry, I’m just too dumb for such cognitive dissonance and ideological inconsistency, it’s either wrong always or never.
“I’m autism, therefore I’m allowed to be upset that women have feelings”
Are you also the main character?
“I’m woman therefore I’m allowed to be upset that neurodivergent people have feelings.”
Are we having a main character battle? Neurodivergent-man vs Woman-woman?
Eh, I’d read it, fuck it.
No no, women are worried about their safety and that upsets you. I don’t care what mental issue you have, that doesn’t make your feelings more important than women wanting to be safe.
You really don’t get it, or are you just attempting to discredit me and anyone else who deigns to question your authority as “one of the bad ones?”
Just in case, no, the issue is women treating every man like an auto-rapist just for existing. In fact that is just as misandrist as doing it to black people exclusively is racist, and for a long time all the propaganda about ne— rape beasts did a good job of hyping up that fear. Now that propaganda has broadened to all men, which is progress I guess but maybe not the kind we need.
I sense the argument coming, so I want to put something out there.
Let’s think about this using the game Among Us for a moment, hm? Forget about the gender war for a second, just think about Among Us.
In Among Us, there are, let’s say, ten people trapped on a space station, but one or two of them are actually aliens pretending to be human. Their job, naturally, is to eat the other humans, in addition to creating enough plausible deniability that they won’t be caught.
Now, some common arguments.
“Not all colorful little human beans are aliens trying to eat you.”
Well, we know that some of them are, and they really don’t want to be noticed. So, how do you avoid being eaten, then? That’s right, a little bit of paranoia. In this environment, a lack of trust becomes a survival skill by necessity.“The ‘alien’ problem is overblown. In fact, I think they barely exist.”
Well, we know, in this video game, that they do exist. The tic-tac people are not going to survive the game by pretending the aliens aren’t there. In fact, by refusing to accuse any of your friends, you are enabling the aliens to eat more of your people without consequence.“I agree that aliens are a problem, but why does it have to include me? I’m not one of them.”
Well, in Among Us, it is not possible to know who is or is not an alien on sight alone. You are forced to, by the game itself, demonstrate to other players that you are safe even in cases where you were never dangerous to begin with. Some kind of social etiquette is necessary when our other senses, our eyes for instance, cannot help us.“Thinking all your friends are aliens trying to eat you is prejudice. It’s kind of like being racist to black people.”
Well, unfortunately, in this video game, we know with certainty there are secret aliens trying to eat people. As with the point above, we’re not going to solve this problem by pretending they don’t exist. Is it a little bit unfair that other players are forced to distrust you? Maybe. But, you just can’t build trust on this space station without somehow pacifying the alien threat that is built into the game. Every player understands this dynamic.In real life, let’s imagine we have no idea whatsoever how often male aggression presents itself. We don’t know if there are or are not aliens.
We can agree, I would hope, that being an alien would be a bad thing, though, right? So, is it not enough to say “I will not be one of those men, and I will stop other people from being one of those men,” whether or not those men actually exist? At worst, you’ve committed to a fight that will never ask you to do any fighting.
You do not have to buy into the idea that most men are monsters to be an enemy of monstrous men. You do not need to concede that you are a monster to be an enemy of monstrous men.
If you insist on fighting about this, I have one or two ideas about that.
You don’t believe that monstrous men exist at all, so the paranoia is unjustified. Okay. I think that you’re in denial. Talk to some of the women in your life. Ask them about what they’ve dealt with.
You feel insecure and lonely because people naturally distrust you. I get that. That’s hard. Especially in a world where you can barely make friends without a car or money, that’s really tough. To a point I’ve made twice, though, if monstrous men are real, if they really exist, then this unfairness you’re subject to will not go away unless the thing that’s causing it is dealt with. This is a non-negotiable bit of math that you need to come to terms with.
I think the problem with your argument is the measure of paranoia. It’s 100% reasonable to be suspicious and cautious around men, strange or familiar, if you’re a woman. The issue I think most men have to this isn’t reasonable suspicion or reasonable caution, but rather the over the top reaction women online seem to have.
An example of this might be a youtube video about women checking into a hotel alone vs a man checking into a hotel alone. The man checks in and goes right to bed, the lock on the door automatically engages when the door closes. The example with the woman has her block the one way peephole, double check the deadbolt, brace a chair against the door handle, string a tight rope from the door handle to a firm anchor in the bathroom, unplug the phone, close the blinds, check that the mirror isn’t see through, and sweep the room for listening devices. You see this and think it must be satire, and it might be, but then you go into the comments and there’s a ton of women saying how true this is and how you gotta be careful of men when traveling alone. Every so often you’ll see a comment from a man about how this is insane and all the women respond how he’s privileged and doesn’t understand why women have to do all this.
No man is going to begrudge a reasonable reaction to strangers and safety, but relating to a comic about seeing a spam notification about singles in your area and locking your door is ridiculous. It’s this over the top reaction that men become offended by, not reasonable caution.
The issue I think most men have to this isn’t reasonable suspicion or reasonable caution,
What level of suspicion is reasonable?
Granted, I will not pretend that women are somehow above being very superstitious and silly. I’ve seen armored SUVs marketed to suburban house moms that are beyond parody. But still, for a demographic of people who largely do not have to deal with predatory men, being men themselves, how do men know what a reasonable degree of caution looks like?
but relating to a comic about seeing a spam notification about singles in your area and locking your door is ridiculous.
Well, this comic is… comedy. It has to be a little silly for the joke to land.
Locking the door with a common deadbolt has less to do with actually protecting anyone and more to do with being visual shorthand for a comedic sentiment.
Please forgive me, but I’m going to answer your post in the opposite order it was given.
I completely agree about the comedy and the satire of the original comic, I’m not opposed to it being over the top to deliver it’s comedic message. I’ll also say that the message is comedic in a dark way. The issue inherent to it is when you have people giving seemingly literal agreement to satirical statements, which is what a lot of these comments have devolved into. Your own post was 659 words, 44 lines, and 14 paragraphs obviously this discussion isn’t just about visual shorthand of a comic, it has some amount of real world investment.
As to your first question, I can’t give a concrete answer. As with many psychological things I can’t tell you what is a reasonable amount of suspicion, but I can say what is an overreaction. Similarly, I can’t tell you what a reasonable amount of collecting is, but I can spot hoarding. I can’t tell you what a reasonable attention to detail is, but I can spot an obsessive compulsive behavior. I’m not a doctor, and won’t pretend to be one, so I can’t tell you in definite terms what a reasonable suspicion is, but I can certainly identify an overreaction.
If someone sees an overly dramatic comic about women being fearful of men and their reaction is to defend the over dramatic behavior then that’s an overreaction. When men call out this behavior as overly dramatic and someone defends it, and in fact doubles down on it, then it’s clearly not just satire or a dark joke.
If we’re using the example of the hotel room I would venture to say that a reasonable level of suspicion would be to lock the door, turn the deadbolt, put the swing arm on, and don’t open the door for strangers. If you start getting into hiding, configuring contraptions, barring the door with chairs, and checking the mirrors to see if they are see through, that’s an overreaction in my book.
The issue inherent to it is when you have people giving seemingly literal agreement to satirical statements,
I will just take this at face value: what makes this an issue?
I don’t know if my neighbor has double-locked their front door, should I go and check?
this discussion isn’t just about visual shorthand of a comic, it has some amount of real world investment.
Yes, I am aware that jokes are political.
My reading is that this is yet another rearing of the man vs. bear debate. Our eternal prison.
so I can’t tell you in definite terms what a reasonable suspicion is,
I’m not asking for definite terms, I’m suggesting that women have more experience dealing with men and danger and dangerous men than men do. Men do have a lot of opinions about it, though.
If we’re using the example of the hotel room […] If you start getting into hiding, configuring contraptions, barring the door with chairs,
In the comic, she just engages the deadbolt.
It has been some hours since I last looked at this thread, but I imagine that men are not upset she’s being overly cautious, but rather that the comic is suggesting that they—they are taking this personally—are scarier people than women are. They are responding to hurt feelings.
Your analogy doesn’t include some important details for the subject. In the game, crewmates and imposters are on different teams and only one of them can win. It’s not “wrong” for an imposter to kill a crewmate because that’s how they play. All players support imposters killing crewmates because it’s what they signed up for. But in real life, we are on the same team. We are all crewmates doing our tasks, although I guess we have the option to kill each other. Acting as if someone doing their tasks near you wants to kill you is then a more meaningful personal judgement rather than just the impersonal scrutiny expected in a social deduction game.
More importantly, it’s relevant that this is one group of people making a judgement about another group of people based on group membership. So it would be like green crewmates assuming a red crewmate is an imposter on the basis of them being red, not any suspicious activity they have noticed. If crewmates had equal innate suspicion towards each other regardless of color (as should happen in the game) then there is no issue.
It’s not “wrong” for an imposter to kill a crewmate because that’s how they play.
This analogy is specifically from the perspective of crewmates. It is wrong for crewmates to die, actually, because this brings your team closer to defeat.
I think you might also think that I view the crewmates as women? No. The divide drawn here is between cooperative and uncooperative. Citizen and villain. The presence of imposters makes all crewmates less safe to be around. Unless you have ways of managing risk.
So it would be like green crewmates assuming a red crewmate is an imposter on the basis of them being red,
If the game were programmed such that red crewmates were exclusively the ones chosen to be imposters, regardless of how this might damage the video game’s fun, don’t you think that being near a red crew member would set off some alarm bells? Wouldn’t you think of green crew members as more safe?
I’ve played plenty of RPGs where certain kinds of treasure chest, and certain kinds of treasure chest alone, require a degree of caution because I cannot know if they are mimics.
This analogy is specifically from the perspective of crewmates. It is wrong for crewmates to die, actually, because this brings your team closer to defeat. I think you might also think that I view the crewmates as women?
No, I didn’t think you were making the crewmates just women. My point was, it’s not morally wrong for the imposters to kill in the game, because unlike real life, the sides are diametrically opposed and all players want their opponents to earnestly try to win. Crewmates don’t want imposters to just let them do tasks because then there would be no game. In that sense, killing crewmates is cooperating by making it a fun challenge for everyone. By the same token, it’s not morally wrong for crewmates to make accusations against people in meetings or otherwise treat them suspiciously, it’s how everyone wants others to play. But the moral weight to accusations in real life means it’s not ok to make them casually. There is a burden of proof to overcome.
If the game were programmed such that red crewmates were exclusively the ones chosen to be imposters, regardless of how this might damage the video game’s fun, don’t you think that being near a red crew member would set off some alarm bells? Wouldn’t you think of green crew members as more safe?
I don’t know where you are going with this. I guess my level of caution would depend on frequency of imposters. If half of red crewmates were imposters, sure. If it’s 1 in 1000, I wouldn’t be alarmed. But that’s not representative of real life either. Neither predators nor victims of sexual crimes are exclusive to any group. We could talk about statistics but this is about perception of threat and fear. They’re only very loosely tied to reality, especially when it comes to small samples like individual encounters with strangers.
sdbiybt
If someone is judged as threatening based on their gender, they have been wronged. And what do you mean “stop making it about yourself”? Did they ask to be judged in the first place?
I have friends that get read as women who can’t do stuff that would be completely normal for any cis male (like going to a festival alone) because there is a real possibility of them being assaulted, murdered or at the very least getting harassed. And even if it is only one in a hundred men that would do such things it doesn’t matter if the other 99 do nothing to stop it.
I suggest talking to more men because then you’ll learn that it’s just as dangerous for them (if not even more dangerous) to go to a festival alone. This is a sure way to end up in hospital (if you manage to call an ambulance) or dead because there’s always plenty of groups out there looking for some “action”.
I never said that no man ever is affected by violence but when nine out of ten women got sexually assaulted or harassed and that startimg from a young age, all the while the majority of men don’t seem to have problems being friends with these abusers it should be no surprise that many women will try to stay safe.
Of couse women should try to stay safe. Just like men. But there are differences.
If you apply the same broad definition of violence to both men and women, then men are much more likely to get attacked and they’re much more likely to not survive the attack. This different experience leads to a different mindset, with the majority of women being unarmed (because they feel safe) and the majority of men being armed (because they don’t feel safe). Men have a problem with understanding the female experience (Sexual harassment, rape) and women have a problem with understanding the male experience (Getting beaten to death or stabbed or shot because you did nothing more than looking at a guy or just for fun). Part of the different experience is help. Women may receive help which causes them to continue asking for help in future situations; men don’t receive help which causes them to shut down and stop asking (Asking for help has pretty much the opposite effect for men, it makes things even worse). A very different experience which leads to a different mindset. Which makes it so hard for women and men to understand each other. Activism and media helped to shine a light on the female experience. Which is a good thing. But it gets ridiculous really fast when women say things like “Oh yeah, men just go relaxed and safe at night or to the grocery store or alone to a festival”. Women have no idea. If they had, they wouldn’t wonder why we men need to be armed at all times, even if we just go to the grocery store to get some milk. And they wouldn’t wonder why we men don’t ask for help in so many situations.
And no. The majority of men (which I’m part of) is not friends with predators. We are forced to tolerate them. Because they’re our coworkers, our bosses, or the partners of our sisters or daughters, or part of the political party which we consider to be the lesser evil - they’re everywhere. We have to live with them.
I don’t feel safe around muslims because some of them are jihadists.
Literally. It’s the bear thing all over again. If you’re offended by stuff like this, you’re basically telling on yourself.
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Single X in my area. Uses the plural form.
Well, which is it?!??
How come str8s don’t consult with their local LGBTQ+ friendos? I like playing matchmaker.
Because it doesn’t work. It’s already bad enough with straight people doing it.
Because with the possible exception of the bi’s, you’re all inherently unqualified for the job of setting up a heterosexual relationship. Why don’t you ask straight men to pick out sweaters? Because we’re bad at it at an anatomical level.
Gotta have local friendos first…
(cries in very high cost of living, old rich people area)
Seeing memes and comics like this spread so often, I am having a hard time understanding how SO MANY GUYS are just now discovering that women aren’t as horny as they are and we have different standards for attraction between the genders and sexes.
This is fine, it’s normal, people who want different things still meet and crank out crotchfruit every damn day, you just have to compromise and meet in the middle on what you both want and ya’ll have to get over yourselves.
Well my whole life there was this women’s sexual liberation movement that has been screaming about how women DO in fact enjoy sex and ARE in fact horny too. Maybe that explains the common misconception.
Yep. When will people understand that the only way to a good and just society is to treat half the human population as inherently monstrous from birth? They should just resign themselves to a lifetime of abuse and isolation due to their physical characteristics. Anything else is misogyny.
I promise if you just talk to girls you will meet one who likes you. It doesn’t even matter what you’re into, there’s someone for everyone out there.
Classic just-world fallacy.
This isn’t about me, it’s about a shitty, abusive message being repeated constantly on social media. Thanks for pulling an imaginary biography for me out of your ass, though. Really helpful.
Nobody here is fooled by your angst-ridden spiel, you don’t get how easy it is to see your intentions and feelings based on what you say, this is one more thing to keep in mind when trying to talk to women.
