Sounds like Rocky Raccoon moved to Ohio…

If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t have posted this comic.

Don’t fuck with the professional skeptics, kid. There is no limit to raw existential skepticism. All of your intentions are suspect…

Or are they? And what is suspected?

And am I talking to you or the audience? Why would I be talking to you when I don’t even know if you’re a real person or a bot? Is the audience listening? Am I listening? Am I real person? I think, therefore I am, but what happens when I’m not thinking?

Yes

Really gunning for that Antichrist title there…

Well then, as lemmy’s self-designated High Corvid of Progressivity, I extend to you the traditional Fediversal blessing of:

remember kids:

A place in heaven is reserved for those who speak truth to power

Deleted by moderator because you upvoted a Luigi meme a decade ago

…don’t mind me, just trying to make the reddit experience complete for you…

The answer to life, the universe and everything.

Yes, I know it’s 42, but 42 what?

Prophecy some major upcoming events, subsequently market myself as a saint, grab a comfy church position, sell indulgences, profit. Works in pretty much any era.

smokes flower

yes.

Super Mario Lion King Brothers

Coming soon to console near you - Scarluigi DLC available with Season One Battlepass

Treason.

Side note for instance owners - the Turks are fucking insane about this shit. Twenty years ago I was hosting an artist’s website. One of the users was from Cyprus and posted pictures from the aftermath of a riot there - nothing extreme, just some graffiti and broken windows.

I started receiving threatening messages (this was early 2000s, so before takedown notices) from someone claiming to be from the Turkish government. I ignored them, as they had no legal authority and fuck autocrats straigtht up Edrogan’s ass.

So then, the site gets taken down by a hacking attack the next week. Some sort of Turkish bullshit appeared on the front page. I fixed it, thought I locked them out.

It was hacked again. I thought I missed something, and when through an even more extreme lockdown process, banning the entire country’s IP.

It was hacked a third time. That’s when I realized they weren’t hacking my site - they were hacking the hosting provider. I proved it by switching providers - the attacks stopped immediately.

That’s how extreme they were about suppressing this stupid picture of a broken window from a riot no one remembered even a week after it happened.

Welcome to the dark side, young padawan…

You will understand in time, young padawan…

It depends on how long you use it:

Year 1: Ok, this is kinda cool, but why does it keep fucking breaking?

Year 2: How is it still fucking breaking?

Year 3: I just don’t fucking care why it keeps breaking. I think I hate this program.

Year 4: I hate this program

Year 5: Let the hate flow through you, consume you. Feel the dark side flowing through your fingertips. Yes. Good. Why is it breaking? It’s the end users. Yes… they’ve been plotting against you from the beginning - hiding columns, erasing formulas and even…

merging cells

Que heavy breathing through a respirator.

Year 6: It’s a board meeting. They ask you if you can average all the moving averages of average sales per month and provide an exponential trendline to forecast growth on five million rows of data.

You say “sure, boss, I can knock that for you in Excel in about an hour or two.”

Your team leader interjects “I believe what he was trying to say was we’ll use Tableau and it will take about a month.”

You turn to him with a steely glare.

“I find your lack of faith disturbing.”

Year 7: Your team leader is gone after you pointed out he fucked up one of your sheets that run the business by merging a cell. All data flows through you and the holy spreadsheet, and the board is terrified of firing you because no one knows how your sheets work but you and their entire inventory system would collapse if you leave.

But then the inevitable happens. Dissension in the ranks. The juniors talk of python, R, Tableau, Power BI - anything to release your dark hold upon the holy data. You could crush them all with a xlookup chain faster than they can type a SELECT statement. The Rebellion is coming, but you’re ready. You’ve discovered the Data Model, capable of building a relational database behind the hidden moons of Power Pivot, parsing tens of millions of rows - and your Death Star is almost complete.

You’re ready to unleash your dark fury when the fucking spreadsheet breaks again.

Year 8: New company. They ask if you know Excel. You just start cackling with a addictive gleam in your eye as tears start streaming down your face.

They hire you on the spot.

All they use is Excel. And Access.

You think, ok, this is kinda cool, but why does it keep fucking breaking?

Personally I prefer my junior programmers well done.

Great Scott! No toilet paper?

Progressive who’s been here for a bit. The fediverse has definitely swung more left-wing recently - when I first started up two years ago there was a fair amount of conservative bs, libertarian tech-bros and russian bots - it was about a 50/50 split depending on what instance you were on.

The bot problem seems to have been largely dealt with now, and conservative voices have been more or less drowned out by the new influx of users fleeing twitter and Reddit crackdowns. Many are agreeing that the current administration is bad for everyone. There are a number of hard auth-left moral purity testers that kind of a pain in the ass that pop up from time to time.