I would like my retirement savings to be in an S&P 499 where Tesla is excluded. I don’t want to manage my 401k every day but I have zero confidence in the stock and humanoid robots is not making me feel any better. I want robots shaped like the task they intend to accomplish. I don’t give a rat’s ass if my dishwasher is a cube. If anything, I’d prefer it not walk around and ask me questions.

There’s an episode of King of the Hill where everyone finds our Hank has a narrow urethra. And his dad says, “I ain’t got a narrow ureetee. Mine’s so damn wide I could pass the child myself if I had to.”

Or something to that effect.

No one will ever know my Cajun ass ancestors are from France and that I have the gene where you’re urethra is so damn wide, you can pass the child yourself if you had to.

I encourage hostile governments (including my own) to study my DNA. It’ll ruin morale. Balls so big, they have a tenuous atmosphere and a measurable time dilation effect.

I have a friend who insists he can defeat any animal in a fight as long as he has enough size advantage and lay on the animal and pin it down. He has apparently never seen a cat, much less a chimp.

Do they have volunteer positions in Antarctica? I’ll clean the beakers and be nice to penguins.

I think we should deport me to the Amalfi Coast or the Cayman Islands. I’m a snake handler who works with voodoo priestesses. I’ll convert to Judaism if they’re willing to deport me to a tropical paradise where all news and social media sites are inaccessible except one day a week.

They should import some Louisiana alligators to deal with the rat problem. When the alligators become an invasive species, add Alligator Sauce Piquante to the menu. Problem solved.

Braaaaiiiinnns. And a 16 piece family deal, spicy, with a side of red beans, mashed potatoes, and extra biscuits.

With this kind of speed, we could invent Call of Duty games where the Zombies want slightly more than brains. Generative A.I. uses internet data for training so at first, the zombies will probably request Doja Kat in the racial chat rooms showing feet but human progress marches ever forward. Within a decade, Zombies might just want to get drunk and go to Popeyes.

I feel like this is a good idea but I also saw what Germany did to Brazil in that World Cup and there needs to be a plan for them going too far and hurting people just for living.

I don’t know anything about the tournament but I saw a photo of all 4 people in his group holding the same sized trophy and at least one was a former PGA player. I would bet they played best ball and just took the pro’s shot every time. Maybe one of the other three got lucky and hit a putt or a par 3 green or something while every other “best ball” was the professional golfer’s shot.

I’m less worried about the closure of offices than Musk thinking he can modernize the SSA administration’s computer systems in 3 months. None of his lackeys have ever worked on anything of this scale/complexity and I’m pretty sure none of them know COBOL since they’re apparently mostly around 25. (And retired COBOL experts likely don’t know more modern languages well enough to translate.)

Don’t get me wrong, the public and private sectors should modernize aging, critical systems that use code written in languages almost no one under 60 has learned, much less mastered. But 3 months probably isn’t even enough time to get through the planning and hiring stage of a project like this. If it were cheap and easy to update those systems, it’d have been done already.

You gotta spend money to lose money.

All the amendments were also weirdly worded on the ballot when I voted today. I do at least a little bit of research before I vote in our elections and they were trying to sneak some power grabs past voters. But no state trusts its politicians less than Louisiana. We have the finest record of both corruption and ignoring laws in North America, if not the hemisphere.

Nola.com has a paywall now but this one should be free: https://lailluminator.com/2025/03/29/louisiana-amendments-3/

France is an interesting choice as the first ones to threaten. They might be the country most willing to tell America to fuck off and spend an evening lighting Teslas on fire.

DEI initiatives don’t really exist there like they do in the United States. Their constitution already bans employers from making distinctions based on race, gender, religion, etc. The closest thing France has that I know of is a requirement for corporate boards to be 40% women. They aren’t going to change that law because Trump threw a hissy fit.

Plus, DEI doesn’t even really mean anything specific in the United States anymore. It’s just a dog whistle (like “woke”) Republicans use to signal that they’re racist and sexist and stir up racial animus. They use it when it doesn’t even make sense. Trump blamed “DEI hires” when an ARMY helicopter crashed into a passenger jet even though all the pilots and the air traffic controllers were white men. He blamed the LA wildfires on DEI.

Honestly, I don’t think most people in the U.S. who buy German cars are worried about the price. I have a used 2018 Audi and I love it — it has buttons and knobs instead of a touchscreen and is really fun to drive — but if anything goes wrong, it’s like a thousand dollars to fix. It’s a PHEV and I have solar panels so I basically never have to buy gas. And I got it during the pandemic when the used car prices went insane. I traded in a dented Toyota for more than I bought it for and ended up with an Audi A3 e-tron sportback.

But I’m the exception. I would think 99% of new Mercedes, BMW, Audi, etc. buyers in the US are buying a luxury car and 25% percent is not going to dissuade them.

Kristi Noem kills puppies and I’ll debate with you about whether that makes her a hideous troll who eats Billy goats under a bridge. But Marjorie Taylor Greene is haggard and I feel no remorse when I reduce her to someone who looks like a Family Dollar ass Shrek toy.

You’re right. Possums are the last surviving marsupials in the western hemisphere. Game recognize game. I also survive in the Western hemisphere.

I forget who but someone in Trumpworld is dating her and I threw up a little bit in my mouth imagining that concept. She looks like a possum that no one asked to prom.