Hey there, I was wondering if this is normal or if anyone can relate to this.
I 20/male was born in Germany and lived my whole life here but since I was a child I was fascinated with America, grew up consuming all the media from there and always wanted to live there.
I always had the feeling that I’m misplaced and don’t belong where I’m from. I was always searching for the place where I feel like I belong and can better relate to people but never found it.
I always have this inner conflict of not knowing where I truly belong and what’s better for me/where I will be truly happy and feel more “home”.
For example I always wanted to go to America cause I thought it was way better and more advanced than Germany especially when it comes to consumerism. I grew up eating most of my meals at McDonald’s and was in love with the American chains and brands. The bigness, space, “freedom” and variety of places, stores, cultures and nature was always appealing to me. And I also prefer the English language and the social interactions. It feels like a deep dream having a road trip in America in a pickup truck while listening to country music with others, going to a shooting range and so on.
But then I’m conflicted if the culture is maybe dominantly shaped by consumerism and wonder if that is really good and truly makes me happy/gives me what I need. I wonder if it actually has stronger hustle culture and am unsure if that might take away from the connection with people and nature and might only make my deep void inside me bigger. Maybe it’s more artificial in the US and I might find more meaning/connection grounded in German society that might focus more on embracing an organic/open/recreational life that’s more connected to people and nature and less on individualism, materialism and work. But maybe it’s the exact opposite. I don’t even know if artificiality or organicality will make me more happy.
Because in Germany I really despise the directness and people being overly specific. Maybe that is mainly only with older generations though and I might not have this with people my age.
Never having lived in the US makes it very hard for me to know what the reality would be and what place would make me happier. Maybe anyone here has experience with both countries or maybe has experience with completely different countries/situations but that relates to this topic. In the end of the day this probably is more wishful/fantasy thinking than anything and I probably never get my butt anywhere else but I thought I at least keep dreaming and speak what’s on my heart.
I would also appreciate it if you could recommend me other communities that are maybe more fitting where I can post this.
its ill-advised to go to usa, until trump and the gop is out of power.
Check out youth hostels / Hostelling International. Basically they’re inexpensive dorm-like hotels mostly targetted at younger backpackers. The ones in LA and Boston are in great locations. About 12% of Americans are of German descent (cite) so ask around, you or a family friend probably have a distant relative who immigrated here at some point.
So: get a cheap plane ticket. Fly into a city with a youth hostel. Wander around for a while. Catch a Greyhound Bus to visit your distant relative in Iowa. Hang out with them for a while. Catch another Greyhound to another city with a youth hostel. Fly back. You will meet a lot of people in the hostels. You’ll meet a lot of people on the Greyhound. Look up stuff ahead of time, not just tourist stuff but concerts or clubs or sports events wherever you go to. Sure it costs money but it’s a hell of a lot more fun than a resort or a cruise or whatever. Wait, isn’t “wanderjahr” a German word? Anyway after you spend a month or two here you’ll know whether you still like us or not.
Hey there, I was wondering if this is normal or if anyone can relate to this. I 20/male…
What you’re going through is pretty normal at your age (in western cultures) and manifests in a few different ways. Seeing yourself identify with another culture is one common way.
Ultimately what you’re going through is a search of, and identification of, who you are: Your identity.
You’re right at the beginning of a very interesting part of your life. You’ll try on ideas and beliefs like clothing, wearing them for awhile and just as quickly discarding them when they don’t feel right. Its a set of refining actions. You’ll swing to another extreme and then drop that one too. However, each time this happens the swings are less dramatic, and the direction you take are closer to who you decide you are. Most people spend a good chunk of their 20s doing this, and at the same time learning about the adult world, its many joys, and many frustrations.
So feel free to explore your thoughts. Decide what is right for you. Experience all kinds of things to give yourself enough material and life experience to make good judgments but don’t be afraid to make mistakes! Now is the time in your life where you’ll have the most power, but the most forgiveness. Learn, live, love, travel and experience other cultures, get your heart broken, perform a service for others, be greedy just once, and finally find your true self, your true form, but then I’ll likely be saying to you “Happy 31st birthday!”. Buckle up its a weird, wonderful, and wild ride you have in front of you for the next 10 or so years!
Yes and you should embrace this. Being cosmopolitan is truly freeing!
We live in a world where you can be anywhere you want within a day and not only that but be freely adopted to new cultures. Go to Mexico, Chile, Thailand, Japan - you can really live almost everywhere these days and be somewhat accepted as you are and partake in any societal activities. Contemporary people are really accepting despite what bait social media tries to portray.
There are also a lot of cosmopolitan peoples today and you’ll find them in every country be it expats or people who simply have a mindset of belonging to the entire world rather than their national identity. It’s a rapidly growing culture so try it out!
For recommendations try Asia which is opposite of German directness. In the west it’s called “face saving culture” but more importantly Asian social interactions favor friction removal and respect for another human being over detail and accuracy which even shows in Asian languages which are much more implicit than German explicitness. Try Thailand or Vietnam - great places if you have the temperance to limit partying loops and just prioritize exploration and growth. It’s very accessible to any 20 year old European.
As for US I don’t recommend it. I’m a big fan of US still but the vibe right now is not one you want to be surrounded in. Maybe wait 10 years for that - its not going anywhere (hopefully lol).