My wife and I are going to a concert in a few months which is considered ‘girl pop’ and we have standing tickets. I wanted to get a look at what a show by this artist is like, so I search YouTube just to find it’s a bunch of young adult woman screaming anytime something is done like a dance move as an example, but this just isn’t me.
I have a worry that someone is going to start filming me for being ‘grumpy’ or whatever, usually I wouldn’t think this much into it, but I’m already going to be sticking out like a sore thumb and in the current year I always assume I’m in the background of someone’s video at any given moment and I don’t want my awkwardness being confused for anything else other than what it is.
Am I in over my head, or should I just not overthink it and try to enjoy myself?
You are overthinking it. Just enjoy yourself and take ear protection — besides the concert being loud, teenage girls scream really loud.
You’ll be among the pool of husbands and dads who also had to go. Enjoy not waiting for the bathroom the whole concert.
But yes, you are overthinking it. Go have fun and do what you do naturally. Maybe you don’t have to constantly be giddy every second for 2 hours.
Put on your shortest shorts, ask your wife to do your makeup, and dance like no one is watching.
Don’t let your perception of femininity and masculinity stop you. Don’t let your expectation of other people’s perception of femininity and masculinity stop you. It’s all made up.
Having said that, you don’t have to force yourself to enjoy something you don’t enjoy. However, if you do decide to go, I would recommend to embrace it and try to find enjoyable aspects to the experience.
Ninja edit: I agree that being filmed at a concert isn’t always nice. Especially because many people seem unaware that not everybody wants to be filmed.I agree with all of this. The post is one of those many you come across and think “wow heteronormativity really makes people scared of the most normal things”. But I get it, no judgement of course, it’s society that needs a rewrite
I think It’s because I don’t really see myself as either, I struggle with both. I know it’s all made up, but it’s all I ever see people talk about online and that could be anyone you walk past, I mean not everybody is chronically online as others, but they still have their views.
Just the other day, some kids lost their ball in a tree, so I go over to try and help (unsuccessfully) and then a man of similar Age and height just comes over and climbs into the tree in front of these kids, and I’m just standing there looking up with them, I felt like a lesser man at that moment, and it was pointed out to me once that I seem to seek the validation of woman for some reason.
Sorry, didn’t mean to get deep, but your comment got me thinking haha
A lesser man wouldn’t have tried to help in the first place.
Just be yourself, dude.
People don’t go to concerts to look at the audience. If anyone has a problem they are a gate keeping moron.
I’m also in my 30s. I’ve been to a bunch of “girly” concerts with my wife and have had a great time at all of them.
It’s much easier to enjoy life when you let go of notions of what you should or should not be enjoying. Music doesn’t need to be gendered. You can just enjoy it for what it is.
In fact, I’d extend the idea to countless other facets of life: there’s so much pointless gendering in society that does a huge disservice to everyone, men included. I’ll give you a dumb example: I used to hold the notion in my younger years that if I were given a purse to hold, that I had to hold the purse in such a way to telegraph that it wasn’t actually my purse. Like grasp it like some kind of ape man or something. Like… What is the fucking point in that? It’s so goddamn dumb and childish. Now I often take turns holding my wife’s purse (it can be a bit heavy because it also doubles as a diaper bag for our toddler) and don’t give a single fuck about doing so.
I can give you countless other examples where I was raised with incredibly damaging ideas ultimately stemming from toxic masculinity that I have painstakingly excised from my psyche.
Guy over 30 here. I went to a PVRIS concert recently, and apparently the singer is a LGBT icon. Also the opener was Scene Queen. I definitely didn’t fit into the demographic, but I didn’t feel like I was sticking out either.
It was an awesome concert. IMO you’re overthinking it. Just have fun.
and apparently the singer is a LGBT icon.
Anyone who sees this and doesn’t immediately go “oh they’re gay as fuck” needs to replace the batteries in their gaydar:
Oh, new batteries won’t help. Mine is completely busted.
You’re going with your wife. She’s your human Teflon.
As a single adult man any space not specifically targeted to you will draw heat and dirty looks. With a wife and/or kids to hide behind the world is yours for the taking.
If you go and decide you like it then explore other girly things too.
Fuck gender norms, do whatever sounds interesting.
Enjoy the show. In the last two years, I was at 2 shows where a male companion and me were the oldest. And one show we were only beaten by boring parents which waited in the bar area instead of listening to a great show (imagine grumpy older Gen X being on their phones the entire time). It felt weird at first. Teens and young adults all around me. Every teen had so much swag and I needed Vexillology lesson because there were so many queer flags and didn’t know existed. The shows were nice (Tessa Violet and Cavetown) and I had a great time. Everything was calm, the bar always free, I guess because money is a lot tighter when you are young. If people notice you they’ll think you are a cool dude cause you enjoy good music.
Upvoted for the Vexillology reference.
But yeah, OP, just enjoy the show. Most of the attendants are going to be way too focused on the show, their friends, and themselves to care that some rando isn’t bopping along with them.
just be free to go, who cares – as long as you can enjoy it, nobody’s harmed. So go and have fun with your wife!
Be aware of the venue and how crowded it could be. I’ve been to plenty of metal shows in my youth and been waaay to close the speakers. Surprisingly, what fucked my ears worse than anything was when I got invited by a girl friend to see the band “Live” (known for the song “The Dolphin’s Cry”) at a standing room venue. I was only like 20 but still being packed in tight among countless shrieking girls/young women gave me tinnitus for a week and my hearing has never been the same since.
Really though, don’t worry about how you are perceived. Just have fun, but maybe bring ear plugs just in case. Hell, I likely should have worn earplugs for most of my concerts regardless.
While you’re there, you’ll probably see someone twice as out of place as you, and immediately forget about them.
Take an edible and have a good time. No one cares.
It’s possible you will feel weird about being there and not enjoy it. I was to two concerts of one of my favorite bands and I just didn’t really get it and enjoy it that much, because it was in a big crowd. The “live” thing just didn’t do it for me, so my conclusion is that I just prefer music by myself.
But the mood at the event itself shouldn’t keep you out, you like what you like and if it’s a cool community, they will not gatekeep it.
My wife and I
Showing up alone would be a bit weird. With your wife, nobody should give you a second look.
It depends big time on the size of the venue, for me. I have a hard time enjoying shows in stadiums and like giant amphitheatres…
