southsamurai

I’m going to be blunt, this reads like reddit rage bait. As such, I’ll respond that way, then give a more neutral answer in case it’s real.

The response to it as bait is that anyone saying that seriously is an idiot.

More neutral, anyone saying that has an obligation to explain themselves because it makes no sense by itself. And it doesn’t.

I had the Dying Fetus song “wrong one to fuck with” pop in my head as soon as I saw the image.

Ngl, while it is definitely weird as hell, it has a surreal beauty because of it.

It’s also like what you’d get if a kid only had brown crayons, drew a snake, and then developed the power to bring their drawings to life.

Damn… I missed that on first read. I had down voted for it being off topic until I saw this one.

Which is both a sign of a great joke and a bad one lol. But excellent word play!

Well, I’m not sure what level of familiarity you have with martial arts/combat training. Or with what goes into “stage” combat, or fifty choreography.

But there’s no single answer here. It’s going to vary based on the production of the film/show/play, and the individual actor’s interest/ability.

Let’s point to the stuff I’m familiar enough with to have done personally: stage combat. Someone does a play with a fight scene. Actors that do stage work tend to pick up the very specific skills involved in making a fight scene in stage look “real enough”. You don’t have to learn how to fence for real, you just have to look interesting while you clash fake swords together.

That goes for hand to hand scenes as well. Matter of fact, in both cases, you’ll often be training how to miss and still look like you hit. This means that an actor that doesn’t train outside of stage combat is going to have trouble in a real fight because their reflexes and perception of range aren’t going to work right.

Movie fighting can be exactly the same. The actors aren’t supposed to hit each other at all. Fight scenes are planned ahead of time, with camera angles set so that the shoot is reasonably safe, but the action looks good on screen.

So, again, most movies or shows aren’t going to be training actors to actually fight. They may not even do amy marital arts training at all, even just to look a little more realistic, because it’s faster and cheaper to have an actor just memorize steps like in a dance. Which isn’t too far off from what kata are tbh. So an actor in that kind of production isn’t going to gain any practical skills at all.

However, some productions do have the actors train to some degree or another because it allows for a little improv and for the actors to move like they know how to fight both within a fight scene and in other scenes.

That productions sometimes end up with actors having a degree of real proficiency in what they’re taught. However, it’s very rare for a movie to have the budget for that. Even the Matrix and John Wick didn’t go super deep into it. They hired top end stunt performers and choreographers that prepped the actors extremely well. The Matrix in particular was a lot of wire work, really heavily influenced by Hong Kong style kung fu movies. So they didn’t teach the actors any significant fight skills, more how to look like they knew how to do stage/movie kung fu.

Now, Keanu is actually a really great example to use. He’s got a reputation for putting his work in outside of what’s required. He’s done a shit ton of firearms work over the years on his own. And, supposedly, he has done some h2h training too, though I’ve heard conflicting stories about what kind.

And there’s been plenty of actors that have a background in some variety of fighting art. Plenty of actors end up finding a love for one style or another from acting. Fencing ends up being fairly popular among stage actors, though they rarely compete, and never seriously that I’ve ever heard of.

But could Keanu do the same things as in the movies? Hell no. Dude is human, and doesn’t have an entire team supporting him in a real fight. Nobody could pull off the stuff John Wick does because he has plot armor. He’s going to get hurt, but not catch a stray bullet in the head and drop dead.

Could Keanu hold his own in a realistic fight? Probably. He’s physically fit, has done at least a little training, and those two things are huge advantages in a random fight with some asshole looking for trouble. Could he step into an MMA gym and hold his own with fighters his own weight class and age range? I don’t know. Maybe, like I said, he stays in good shape, so he wouldn’t be an utter failure.

But it depends on how much work he puts in on his own time. A year of training for a movie isn’t going to mean shit if that’s all the training you ever do, no matter how good the training is. Fighting is one of those things where you will lose your skills to some degree if you don’t practice in some way. I’ve lost a good bit of ability over the years since I can’t train the way I used to. I can’t take falls, I can’t move the same, so if I was to jump on the mat and try to roll, I’m likely going to need a doctor. I might, however, be able to fake it on camera with a little help.

But I have had violent encounters since becoming disabled, and that’s not the same as sparring with someone trained in controlled settings. So I did fine. Came out of it uninjured entirely in every case, though I felt like I’d been beat to hell because my body just ain’t what it used to be. So I wouldn’t count an actor entirely as untrained if they were dealing with a low threat fight over a parking spot or whatever.

So, there’s no single answer here. In some cases it’s a hell no, they’re toast; in others it’s where I’m not likely to start a fight with them

I first that joke in person in elementary school, in the eighties. I had read it in a book a few years before that. Maybe the third grade? Coulda been fourth.

If you’re wanting to do stuff like festivals, you’d probably want to find a clown school.

But doing it as a volunteer, all you really need is a suit, a face, and skills. Juggling, balloon making, card tricks, etc. Then you reach out to facilities and work out the arrangements for a performance. Hospitals can be a tad restrictive about who gets to do shows for pediatric wards, so you’ll likely want to try nursing homes first and build up a local rep.

You can also try to hook up with local sideshow type troupes. Clowns aren’t always welcome, but you can usually pick up some skills if you’re honest about it. The fire performers won’t teach you, but jugglers and magicians will usually share some basics as long as you aren’t trying to shaft them with it.

I have been so happy that on lemmy, the copy pasta hating sunfish gets soundly criticized and rejected as anything resembling reality.

However, I still want to take the opportunity to copy/paste in the rebuttal to that copy pasta an anti-pasto of sorts. A biologist took the time on reddit to write it up, and I have it saved in markor with a few minor edits.

Sunfish

From u/tea_and_biology

Zoologist here; the majority of this is so inaccurate the guy is basically angry at a figment of his own imagination, paha. I mean there’s hyperbole, and then there’s hyperbole. Yikes!

They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink.

Sunfish are, in fact, well understood and, though clumsy when idly basking, are reasonably accomplished swimmers when diving. They stroke their dorsal and anal fins laterally and in a synchronous manner to generate a lift-based thrust that enables 'em to cruise at speeds of 2-3mph (source), comparable to a whale shark and the perfect speed for suction feeding; ploughing straight into smacks of jellyfish and gobbling 'em all up.

Where they excel amongst fish is their ability to undergo substantial vertical movement in the water column. They possess large deposits of low-density, subcutaneous, gelatinous tissue which, unlike a swim bladder (which would otherwise change volume with hydrostatic pressure), is incompressible, enabling rapid depth changes and keeping them neutrally and stably buoyant independent of surrounding water pressure.

So, yeah, their unusual bodies are basically one big paddle, capable of putting some force behind their swimming to move over considerable distances, descending very deep, very fast.

They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive.

Dumb. Also incorrect. Jellyfish and other Cnidarians comprise only around 15% of their diet; they mostly eat young fish (including conger eelets) and crustaceans (pelagic crab, krill, copepods etc.), alongside squid, bivalves and other assorted zooplankton. They’re generalist predators, not jellyfish specialists like sea turtles (source).

They have a particularly rapid growth rate amongst bony fish, owing much to their unique genetics (source).

Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess.

They spend the majority of their time actively hunting in the very cold deep (usually at ~200m, but up to 600m) and, being ectotherms, therefore regulate their temperature by basking in the sun, before pursuing another dive. Think of marine iguanas basking on hot rocks between nibble trips.

And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.

Sunfish have been kicking about in temperate and tropical waters worldwide for around 50 million years and, until humans arrived on the scene, were overwhelmingly successful in their ecological niche. Sadly they’re under threat by human activity and human activity alone - frequently caught as by-catch; having little commercial value, like sharks, their fins are cut off before they’re dumped, often still alive, back into the sea to die. If one is to start throwing rocks at terrible creatures, perhaps one should look at us humans first.

Or, there’s The visual rebuttal, credit to u/iamnotburgerking