I have ADHD, which means I have to go to a psychiatrist every three months to refill my prescription. It’s silly, really but required by law.
Before he died suddenly of an aneurysm, my former psychiatrist was fascinated with me. He said it was because I’m always so jovial… Which I understand now is something of an oddity at a psychiatrist’s office 🤣
Anyway, because if this, he would often give me tests and puzzles to develop “a baseline”. Apparently so he wouldn’t lose his own mind from the more extreme patients he often dealt with 😁
I signed his forms (it was all above board) and he’d test my reaction time, run me through various questionaires about my thoughts, and time how long it would take me to solve simple puzzles. Only challenging one was one of those “fold the boxes in your mind” tests which I assume I aced (that’s my jam!)
I didn’t mind at all! It was actually quite fun working with his staff and psychiatrists in training who were the ones who were always there, recording the results. I would make jokes like, “I’ve been practicing my jumping!” Then pretend to be disappointed that they were only going to ask me questions and not test my jumping ability.
I was the lab rat. Probably the control lab rat but it was still fun and interesting. The best perk was that when I walked into his office, the receptionist would notice me and send me right to the back. No matter how many people were sitting there, waiting.
There were snacks, but only for children ☹️
Now that I think about it, the various tests and questions could’ve been a ruse! They were actually testing my willpower, sitting next to bowls of mini packages of M&Ms and Reese’s the entire time! 🤔
Now I’m imagining his notes:
“Subject 294 still hasn’t taken or attempted to steal any candy. Despite timing his appointment precisely around lunch time and keeping him here for an extra half an hour. He’s still laughing and joking with the staff. I may have to order an ice cream machine.”
Before he died suddenly of an aneurysm, my former psychiatrist was fascinated with me.
“I’m not trapped in here with you, you’re trapped in here with me.”
I have a similar relationship with my neurologist. I’ve been seeing him for over 15 years for stabby appointments. That is to say I get something like 60-80 injections every time I see him. He isn’t in a position to give me tests, but he does use the things I say to help his other patients.
Its botox injections for migraine, and he’s one of the first people to pick up doing it, so he’s seen some shit. Nothing I say surprises him at all, unless its FUN. So early on when my skin was still reacting to it big time, i told him i sort of liked that I looked like a klingon after my appointments, and thats what I always told people because I needed to go to a brewery after to make the pain suck less.
Im also almost always on board to be a training pin cushion for residents. So much that if the resident doesn’t understand what I’m offering them (a willing participant to their education; a unicorn), he just says “if you are ready to practice injections, she’s offering, and she doesn’t flinch”.
Because I’m used to it. I try not to flinch because that’s worse. I’m pretty upbeat about the whole thing. And I recently found out he has patients who scream about it every single spot. Holy fuck. I can’t imagine being that sensitive. So now i understand why he admitted to his existential crisis to me. (“I feel like I’m going to hell for causing people such pain as part of my job” he’s retirement age or older, so understandable thought)
Very mean the snacks were only for children!
I just played Portal for the first time. GLaDOS is that you?
This stuff used to bother me but then I observed nature and its cruel rules for long enough, and I realized that suffering is one of the few constants in life, one of the guarantees. Wasps that paralyze spiders for months so they can be eaten alive by their offspring, bird species where most chicks are left to stave to death, etc… yeah nature is just as cruel as humans can be, but at a much larger scale in perpetuity, and we’re a lot more efficient at turning that suffering into greater good that lessens the suffering of others in perpetuity. So, while I don’t condone or even like to think about baby monkey experiments, I will not bat an eye at lab mice being given Parkinson’s so we can observe and seek answers and cures.
I wouldn’t say that nature is cruel, but amoral and chaotic, with a focus on trying all the venues for survival, whith some for moral beings like us, seemingly cruel.
When I did experimentation, I often focused on minimizing harm. I also try doing as much good as I am doing “bad”. That helps me deal with this.
In science, they at least die for reasons. I hope I can feel as good about my end.
Whose a good little Stockholm experiment?
The Truman Show?
The Truman Show has expanded to essentially the entire planet, following the proliferation of black box social media algorithms.
My eyes are burning with the amount of emojis in this post.
👀
Mobius (Honkai impact) fans be like
Forget flowers, Justice for Algernon
